video; un: shiro

[shiro2hero]

[Oh hi Shiro, long time no see on the network. That's because this is a last-ditch effort. He looks pretty darn not great, despite the fact it's Sleep Season for Warmbloods. Maybe it's the Arena. Maybe it's the River. Something honestly, sincerely traumatic that's happened already.]

[His face is in his hands, hunched over the counter in his kitchen. The omni in front of him. Voice haggard and quiet. Like he has a migraine.]

I will pay... however much anyone wants. For coffee beans. Espresso beans. Don't even have to be cooked. Roasted. Doesn't matter.

[... Or it's caffeine withdrawl.]

Or tea leaves. I don't care.

[Please, he is Suffering.]

Comments

video | un: alcaid

[ghostharasser]

If you find a source, please tell me. My entire family is dying.

[The Pines family, unsurprisingly, gets a percentage of their chaotic energy from caffeine. This has been a terrible month, you see.]

[shiro2hero]

All of you?

[Well. Now he's concerned. And since this is Shiro, and other peoples' well being trumps his own -]

Varian says his boyfriend can grow it. If you guys need it, I'll have him send it to you instead.

[ghostharasser]

Well. My sister is fine, which isn't surprising because someone who's main diet consists of glitter and gummy candy obviously has the constitution of a tank, but the rest of us are kind of struggling. At least until Mabel figures out her nightmare-energy-fuel concoction in Trench.

[...]

Fern? Oh man, I didn't think about that I guess he co- Oh, no, dude! We can share!

[shiro2hero]

- Glitter? You're exaggerating... Right? [Then again, he's met Mabel, so he has to check.] But hey, if she does manage that? Sign me up.

[He's desperate.]

If you have an entire family going through this? No, take it. I'll be fine.

[ghostharasser]

Mabel once ate an entire tube of tooth paste because it was sparkly and suffered zero repercussions. It's absurd, dude.

Anyway I'll only accept that so long as you take the Mabel Juice trade after. Trust me, it's strong stuff. Grunkle Stan described it as "If coffee and nightmares had a baby," once.

[So it's probably concentrate redbull and kool-aid mixed together. Dipper is not actually sure what's in it and that is one mystery he is content never to solve.]

[shiro2hero]

Yeah, okay. You know what? I believe that.

[He really, really does. That's the Mabel Impression.]

As long as it gets rid of the headache, sure. I don't want to ransack the stock of painkillers.

[ghostharasser]

It's honestly not the weirdest thing I've seen her eat.

[But okay, Dipper is happy they have a proper transaction. Hypothetical Fern Coffee for Trench Edition Mabel Juice. He'll talk to Mabel later about it and see how far she's gotten with sorting it out.]

It should definitely make up for a caffeine withdrawal, if nothing else.

[shiro2hero]

Do I... want to know what the weirdest thing is?

[Honestly, Shiro? Probably not. But he asked anyway.]

[He should really know better.]

Sounds like a plan. I can drop it by your family's place when Varian brings it by?

[ghostharasser]

Scratch-n-sniff stickers.

[Though that one did send her to the hospital.]

Sounds good! We're in Gaze now, but it's still the same house covered in bones. You can't miss it.

[shiro2hero]

I... what? Why?

[No really, why? Why would she do that.]

House covered in bones. Right. I'm in the residential district - house with the Black Lion on the roof.

[ghostharasser]

Look, just because I shared a womb with her doesn't mean I know what-- It was because she wanted to know if they tasted as good as they smelled.

[Because Dipper is usually a solid chunk of her impulse control and he sure wasn't looking in that moment.]

Sounds easy to find, I'll make a note! Thanks, dude.

[shiro2hero]

... Ah. Got it. I hate that it actually makes a little sense.

[No, he really does hate it. But, honestly, after everything he's seen? Yeah, that tracks.]

Hey, no problem. I'm here to help.