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Entry tags:
(10/14) video; un: undeadbeat
[ It's John again, only a day after the last post. Those familiar with the format might recognize the bit: he sits on a couch facing the camera, hands clasped over his knees, looking somber. It's very canceled-youtuber-apology of him. Atop his head is a slim crown of pale fern fronds.
He opens with: ]
I lost a bet.
[ Hilarious, right? But he goes on, more intently: ]
My last announcement was not, you know, universally popular. Let's clear up a few things. First: I did not kill Kiriona, and I'm a little offended by the implication. We had a rocky start, sure, I was never around... But, to be fair, I didn't know she existed and I never met her mom. If you think your family tree is a nightmare, hah, don't even ask about ours.
[ This is already off to a wild start, but he seems to only be warming up. John drums his fingers on his knuckles and considers his next words, looking more serious than the network has ever seen him. ]
She died before I met her, and there were extenuating circumstances— even from a necromantic standpoint, this was a remarkably weird case— that allowed me to place her soul back in her body. She's not alive, in the traditional sense. That's not something I can hand out willy-nilly, back home. Resurrection's a lot pricier than we have it here locally.
[ He cracks a smile to the camera, wry and humorless. ] I get how it looks. And an existence like hers isn't, you know, everybody's cup of tea. She's— no offense, kiddo— an undead nightmare who can tear through my enemies like tissue paper.
But, I mean. Like father, like daughter, right?
[ His smile twists grimly, and he leans in. ]
Don't get me wrong: my heart beats. My lungs breathe. But that's mostly habit, at this point... Squid rules notwithstanding, you could drop a nuke and I'd get up and keep walking. Ask me how I know.
[ There is a moment's silence, a slow exhale. John leans back and runs a fidgety hand back through his hair, which knocks his fern crown askew. He doesn't seem to notice. ]
What I did to Kiriona was not meant as cruelty. As selfishness, maybe... What dad doesn't want to have something in common with his kid? Sometimes a secret long-lost daughter drops in your lap and it's like: shit, let's be monsters.
[ He huffs out a breath, clasps his hands again. ]
Now, speaking of monsters, all this may have kicked off an argument with another dead guy. But nobody got hurt. I mean, except me, and I think the consensus is that I was being a dick and probably deserved it. Still, my apologies to anyone who got caught up in the Beast fight... or, Beasts plural. Seriously, we worked it out. No casualties.
[ The wry smile drops away, and for a moment he says nothing more. There is a breath of silence. He seems to be rallying to say something carefully, chewing over each word: ]
I am never going to love this, this world where bigger cosmic assholes treat us like dress-up dolls. I get what we're doing here: I hear you loud and clear on the 'come on, John, turn over a new leaf' stuff. This is me playing softball. This is me making nice. I know when I'm outgunned, and I know who I want at my side.
[ He lets this hang for a moment, and then says: ]
Here's to Big Bird for kicking my ass about it. [ Exhaustion tightens the creases around his eyes. ] And to Kiriona for being worth the fight.
[ There: it's said. John slaps his hands on his knees, like: Well! That's done. It's a moment before real amusement starts to creep back in, the grin threatening at the corners of his mouth. He raises a hand, grave and slow, to display a thumbs-up. ]
And don't forget to like— [ and subscribe, he doesn't finish, because the feed cuts out. ]
He opens with: ]
I lost a bet.
[ Hilarious, right? But he goes on, more intently: ]
My last announcement was not, you know, universally popular. Let's clear up a few things. First: I did not kill Kiriona, and I'm a little offended by the implication. We had a rocky start, sure, I was never around... But, to be fair, I didn't know she existed and I never met her mom. If you think your family tree is a nightmare, hah, don't even ask about ours.
[ This is already off to a wild start, but he seems to only be warming up. John drums his fingers on his knuckles and considers his next words, looking more serious than the network has ever seen him. ]
She died before I met her, and there were extenuating circumstances— even from a necromantic standpoint, this was a remarkably weird case— that allowed me to place her soul back in her body. She's not alive, in the traditional sense. That's not something I can hand out willy-nilly, back home. Resurrection's a lot pricier than we have it here locally.
[ He cracks a smile to the camera, wry and humorless. ] I get how it looks. And an existence like hers isn't, you know, everybody's cup of tea. She's— no offense, kiddo— an undead nightmare who can tear through my enemies like tissue paper.
But, I mean. Like father, like daughter, right?
[ His smile twists grimly, and he leans in. ]
Don't get me wrong: my heart beats. My lungs breathe. But that's mostly habit, at this point... Squid rules notwithstanding, you could drop a nuke and I'd get up and keep walking. Ask me how I know.
[ There is a moment's silence, a slow exhale. John leans back and runs a fidgety hand back through his hair, which knocks his fern crown askew. He doesn't seem to notice. ]
What I did to Kiriona was not meant as cruelty. As selfishness, maybe... What dad doesn't want to have something in common with his kid? Sometimes a secret long-lost daughter drops in your lap and it's like: shit, let's be monsters.
[ He huffs out a breath, clasps his hands again. ]
Now, speaking of monsters, all this may have kicked off an argument with another dead guy. But nobody got hurt. I mean, except me, and I think the consensus is that I was being a dick and probably deserved it. Still, my apologies to anyone who got caught up in the Beast fight... or, Beasts plural. Seriously, we worked it out. No casualties.
[ The wry smile drops away, and for a moment he says nothing more. There is a breath of silence. He seems to be rallying to say something carefully, chewing over each word: ]
I am never going to love this, this world where bigger cosmic assholes treat us like dress-up dolls. I get what we're doing here: I hear you loud and clear on the 'come on, John, turn over a new leaf' stuff. This is me playing softball. This is me making nice. I know when I'm outgunned, and I know who I want at my side.
[ He lets this hang for a moment, and then says: ]
Here's to Big Bird for kicking my ass about it. [ Exhaustion tightens the creases around his eyes. ] And to Kiriona for being worth the fight.
[ There: it's said. John slaps his hands on his knees, like: Well! That's done. It's a moment before real amusement starts to creep back in, the grin threatening at the corners of his mouth. He raises a hand, grave and slow, to display a thumbs-up. ]
And don't forget to like— [ and subscribe, he doesn't finish, because the feed cuts out. ]
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