deernet | text ; un: dovahkiin

[ .. Chizuru does wonder for a moment whether he means his Omen. She's seen the creature plenty of times now, but she actually never asked for a name..

E-Especially since she didn't want it to cuss her out..

She feels like it's got to be that within this context though. She's never heard of anyone with that name here in Trench otherwise, and it does kind of look like that dragon tongue.. ]

well

[ Noticable pause... ]

i think she has her own charm

[ N-Nailed it. Maybe?? ]

but some customers might appreciate a softer touch yes

[There's a pause.]

[A lengthy pause.]

that is too nice of you to say. she is mean and i know that

[But she's his omen, and he can't really change her. He just has to accept this.]

but i think you are a better person to help

[ Please, Melius, you can't just call your Omen mean! E-Even if she's.. very aggressive.. and knows more colourful curse words than most men in Chizuru's life..

S-Still!! ]

maybe it is better to not call her that
where she might be able to see it

[ The last thing she'd want for poor Melius is to be tormented by his Omen when he's already dealing with so much right now.. ]

oh its okay she knows i think she likes it

[Yes, yes she does. His terrible little omen definitely likes being called mean, nasty and rude. The polar opposite of her lizard.]

[ ... ]

she
likes it
?

[ Usually she wouldn't bother Melius with such questions, but.. maybe the more he thinks about this while she's still on her way, the better? Better to think about this than about his recent loss, right.. ]

yes because she is small and dragons in tamriel are not so if she is mean she is as scary as one of them

[Listen, it's not great logic, but he never said his omen was a genius on top of her mean streak.]

why do you think she wants to be scary
?

i assume you mean it is because dragons are scary
but there are a lot of ways to be intimidating that do not involve being mean to people
maybe we could teach her that

[ Clearly that'll work, right.

Obviously. ]

because dragons are because... Dov wahlaan fah rel dragons were made for domination over mortals she is a dragon and she isn't Paarthurnax so i dont think she wants to learn

[ .. ah.

That hits a little bit closer to home, considering some of the things she's heard other demons talk back home.. Which was basically the same thing.

It makes Chizuru be quiet for a moment instead of sending something back right away, lightly chewing her lower lip as she walks and glances at her Omni. ]

but you are a dragon person too right
?

[ Maybe "dragon person" isn't the most elegant way to put it.. Sorry, Melius, she means well.. ]

and you do not seem to believe that
you are always kind
you seemed to want to do the right thing even in your memories

argonian but dragonborn too it's - i don't know how that happened but I am argonian first

[He's not upset about it, though. Chizuru doesn't really know. He doesn't expect her to know. Mostly because he doesn't talk about it. He doesn't enjoy talking about it. So how could his friend know?]

i i know i do i dont know if that is going to be me someday though

i know you will never be
that is not what you are like

[ It's.. being a little bold on her part, which is scary, but.. Chizuru does fiercely believe in this. Enough to put it that way. ]

and your omen is part of you
so i am sure she has the same good heart as you deep down

[you will never be]

[He has to read that several times. And it keeps him from replying. He's too busy reading it over, and over again. How it wars against the cautionary tales from Paarthurnax, the only other being who seemed to actually be looking out for a petrified Argonian's welfare.]

[Dov wahlaan fah rel - you will never be - The will to power is in our blood - that is not what you are like]

i i want that to be true

[ See, with Melius needing a few moments to read that message over and over.. It seems like it's given the girl some time to actually arrive at the store, letting herself in with the door being unlocked and all.

At least she does call out with a soft, but polite: ]

I'm here..

[ But she has seen the message that appeared on her Omni only a moment before entering, and it makes her smile as she heads a little further into the shop in order to be able to see Melius himself. ]

Um, you know.. Forgive me for suddenly continuing the talk like this, but.. If you want it to be true, then there's nothing to worry about. You're already a good person, Melius. That means you don't have to change anything about yourself. I know you'll just stay this way.

[Melius is... slotted into the back room of the shop. The door's open a crack, though. With his omen peering out - a clear indication of where he's hiding. Once she spots Chizuru, though, the dragon ducks back inside the room.]

[And perches on Melius' head. Mercifully silent, for once.]

Hi... [He doesn't look up. There are bags of dried material, seeds, containers - it's storage. And Melius appears to be sorting through it all.]

I don't - I don't know. I don't know anything about... being what I am. There's - there's no one else. Like me.

[Well, there's Miraak, but Melius hasn't met him yet in his timeline.]

[ Thank you, little fierce dragon Omen... Chizuru likes to think that she's being quiet because this conversation is good for Melius, but honestly, it might just be a lucky coincidence.

Chizuru will take it anyway, especially when Melius is already dealing with enough right now to have to tame a dragon on top of it. ]

.. do you think that's a bad thing?

[ The girl softly asks him that, like she doesn't want to fully break him out of whatever concentration he's using for what he's doing right now.

Instead she looks around to find any spot to sit, before sitting down there, her bag neatly and carefully placed on her lap. ]

I... I don't know.

[He stops sorting through the herbs. Stops moving his hands. So he can wrap his arms around his knees and better huddle up.]

I - I don't know anything. About - About Dovahkiin. Just - just they have... dragon souls.

[Dragon blood. They are for lack of better words, dragons in all but body. How can anyone think they would be decent people? Only Paarthurnax resigned himself from dragon nature. Through so many centuries of work and effort.]

[How is someone like Melius supposed to measure up?]

And I can't - I can't ask. Anyone! They just want me - want me to save them.

You know.. I-- um.

[ It's not easy for Chizuru to talk about any of this. But when her friend is here like this, clearly struggling with this topic, how could she hold back and not talk about this herself? If she has to do one difficult thing to maybe be able to help a friend a little, if not just by letting them know she can relate, then she should do it.

She just has to summon some courage within herself. ]

It wasn't.. really that long ago when I found out I wasn't like all the other people around me either. And I know it's.. strange, and hard.

[ Hence why it's so difficult for Chizuru to talk about, especially when she feels like sharing her problems with other people is a little rude.. especially when said other people probably already have enough to struggle with themselves without adding her trouble on top of it.

Case in point: Melius himself. ]

Especially when there's no one to ask about these things. [ Sure, there had been some other demons in Chizuru's world, but most of them were actively trying to kidnap her, so.. not exactly the best types to ask stuff to, huh.. ]

But even when you don't know stuff, and even when it feels overwhelming.. sometimes all you can do is just-- um. Just doing what feels right to you, you know..?

[ That's what she's been doing all this time. ]

Do... do you mean - how you don't die?

[He asks it very quietly. Like he's worried about the answer. Should he not be asking? Is that rude? His omen doesn't even comment, for once, just curls her way around his horns with a sigh.]

[He doesn't know the full story behind her ability - but he's grateful for it. Grateful he doesn't have to worry one day he'll turn around and this friend will be murdered. Skyrim had a nasty habit of killing nice people.]

Some - some people say - they understand, here. But I ... I don't know what to say. Maybe ... maybe they um. Can help you. Too?

[There has to be someone here who knows what's going on with her that can help. Right?]

Is - is that... really enough...?

[ She slowly nods. ]

Of course it's enough. What else could be expected from us..?

[ It's what she's been trying to tell herself too - though it's hard. But Melius' case seems even more special. Even if Chizuru is rare, even if she has never really had anyone who she could relate to about what she is, there's no one who really seems to count on her the way people seem to count on Melius.

.. well, other than her father, but that's an entire mess of its own. ]

Or are you saying that I'm not doing enough either by just doing my best..? [ Not that she means to guilt him. But in Chizuru's experience, sometimes flipping things around like this makes them make sense in an entirely new light. If he thinks Chizuru's best is enough, then maybe he can realise his own best is also enough. ]

Edited 2023-05-02 19:51 (UTC)

No!

[He says it so fast and abruptly that he jerks his head up. Almost knocks his omen down from her perch. Which just causes a bunch of angry chattering in dragon speech. He goes still, and lets her get her balance again before he answers more.]

[That's not what he meant at all. He never meant anything bad by her.]

I - I didn't - I didn't mean that. You're - you're doing fine. Great! I mean you're doing great! At everything!

[Oh no, there he goes.]

[ MELIUS, PLEASE...

In hindsight, Chizuru probably should have seen this coming. It's not like she can't steer it in the right direction still, but the girl does wince a little when she realises she accidentally wound her friend up this much.. ]

N-No, that's not what I meant! I know I'm doing okay..

[ Maybe not great. That's Chizuru giving herself a little bit too much credit, and we can't have that. But she can admit to okay, at least.

It's already a big step. ]

I mean, all I'm saying.. [ She pauses, maybe trying to make sure that Melius' poor angry Omen really regained her balance, before continuing. ] If you think I'm doing great at everything by doing my best.. then the same has got to count for you, right?

[ She shows him a thin smile. ]

After all, we're both similar. We're both unlike any of the other people around us, both back home and here.. and we're both doing the best we can.

O-oh. Okay.

[Whew. Saved by... something. By Chizuru being too nice. Too good for this world. He's quiet again, just letting her speak. Letting her take her time to get the words back out.]

[We're both similar]

[But you can't die, and I have the soul of a creature born to dominate humanity - he wants to say. It's different, as far as he can tell. He knows, though, she's trying. She's trying her best to help.]

[Just like she said they were both doing.]

I - I guess so. It just - I don't know. It doesn't feel... the same. I mean - I mean I understand. It makes sense.

But it's - it feels different.

...

[ There's a tiny moment of quiet, but then Chizuru speaks up, carefully asking: ]

How is it different..?

[ Sure, she can think of a lot of reasons herself. It's not like she's asking it since she can't see it, but-- maybe she's asking it exactly because she wants to hear it from him. Because she wants to know how Melius feels about it.

Especially when there's no way he would put these things into words all by himself, as withdrawn and shy as he can be. ]

I... I don't know...

[How does he explain this. Without hurting her feelings. Or insulting her. Neither of those are things he wants to do. Chizuru believes what she's saying. That's obvious, and he's grateful for it.]

But I - you... don't have to worry you'll turn out... to be cruel and dominating. And that - that's - that's good!

[Very good. That's not something he'd want anyone else to go through.]

S-so I ... I worry. Trying... that it's not. Enough. F-for me.

Um, Melius.. [ Her voice trails off.

It's never easy for Chizuru to actually talk about these things, after all. Even after all this time, even with her friends-- it's still hard. Sure, the fact that she can talk about it at all means that she's improving, but it's going slowly.

Still, she realises she really has to say it here. Even if she explained a little bit about herself to him, she never told him the full story, or-- well, more than just one tiny thing.

Which is definitely influencing what he's thinking now, she figures. ]

It's not just.. that I can't die easily, you know? That's not a normal human trait. [ She's not a normal human. ] I'm.. actually a demon.

[ She looks down as she says the word, since it always feels hard to look into people's eyes when she does, but manages to look up at Melius afterwards. ]

Do you know what those are..? Do they have those where you come from?

[ For all Chizuru knows, Melius' world could just be filled with only humans and dragon people.. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject