deernet | text ; un: dovahkiin

Oh, um..

[ .. talk about an awkward thing to suddenly have to confess to. Granted, it's mostly awkward since Chizuru herself still feels awkward about it in the first place, biting her lower lip a little before she speaks on. ]

Actually, I.. don't really look human either. Or rather, I'm not.. not supposed to?

[ Look, does this sound confusing? Probably.

But the girl is still trying to figure this all out for herself too, honestly. ]

We just tend to look like this so humans don't notice us..

Edited 2023-05-16 18:33 (UTC)

Oh.

[No, he still looks confused. Then again, that's not really Chizuru's fault. It's embarrassingly easy to confuse him.]

S... so you um. You've. Been disguised? This whole... time?

[How does she do that?]

[ She nods.

Honestly, she's not sure if disguised is the wrong word, but on the other hand, she doesn't want to make this even more complicated to him over something that's technically just a nuance. ]

I.. think I can show you what I'm actually supposed to look like. [ It still isn't easy for her, but she's grown a little bit more into her ability to be able to do that while practicing her blood magic in this place. ] If you want.

[ If he's curious. Or if it'd help his confusion, honestly. ]

I um. What... what is it... like?

[It seems like it's probably a better move to ask first. See if she has a description or something. Maybe if she can give him a rough idea he'll be less likely to freak out.]

[Maybe.]

[Hopefully.]

I - I think. If I know... it - it'd be okay.

[ .. oh. Something about the girl's expression drops a little. Certainly not on purpose, because she wouldn't want Melius to feel bad or anything, but she just can't keep her own emotion from showing up until it's already right there on her face, making her look just a little bit hurt. ]

.. Are you asking because you think you might be scared of me if you saw..?

[ Maybe she should have figured.

Everyone who figured it out back home aside from the main men of the Shinsengumi was always afraid of her, after all. ]

Um... I um.

[He doesn't want to say 'yes'. Because that seems like a bad thing to say. That seems like the wrong thing to say. Like it's going to upset Chizuru even more, and he does not want that.]

[But... he thought it would help.]

I... I just. I think. Maybe. I won't be. So much? I-if I ... know? To expect it?

[If he knows what he's going to be seeing.]

It's.. alright.

[ Though, judging by the way Chizuru speaks so slowly, it's actually not alright. But what else do you expect a girl who's a notorious people-pleaser to say? Of course she's going to say it's alright, even when she's hurting.

Even when she's chewing her lip, her gaze lowering until she's just staring at her folded hands in her lap. ]

I don't have to show you. So.. um, don't worry. I won't put you through that. I-- I know I'm a monster.

[ That's what she's always been, right.

She should have remembered. ]

[He blinks those big ol' eyes. Several times. Like what she just said, once again, does not process.]

N-No? No - that's - that's not. What I meant.

Daedra - they. They aren't. Monsters. They're just - they're different. [A whole different species of people. And some are terrifying, but not dangerous.]

And I... I am afraid of. Everything. S-so you can't judge yourself on that!

[ Chizuru at least does believe Melius - which means she also believes him when he says that those people he was talking about aren't monsters. (Even if it's hard to believe, given how everyone treats demons where Chizuru comes from.)

But the last part.. that's a little harder. Maybe he's just saying it because he doesn't want her to feel bad? That's something friends would do, after all.

She looks up and over at him, but there's something shy about it, something tentative, like a scared animal. ]

But you're not afraid of me the way I am now.

I... I was...

[That's embarrassing to admit. Really embarrassing. But - it might help.]

I'm - I'm scared... of everyone. And - and I don't - know how to stop. I'm not... not scared now. Be-because I know you.

[People make him nervous. All people. Even the people he's most familiar with. It's definitely a Melius problem, and not a Chizuru problem. He would hate for her to think otherwise, just because of him.]

But..

[ At least she doesn't seem too surprised by what he's admitting here. Chizuru knows what it's like to be scared, so it's not like she's ever going to judge anyone over it - even if they may be scared a little bit more than most.

But that's just what Melius is like.

No, rather than protesting that, she says-- ]

It.. would still be me, right? [ She doesn't sound too certain about that, mind you. She's trying to say it as a statement, but somewhere along the line it gets a little twisted all the same.. It's something she's been struggling with herself, especially when she had such little time or opportunity to think about her new identity back home. ] Even if I'd look different.. It would still be me. Chizuru.

I... y-yes. Yes...

[He fidgets a bit more, really not sure how to put this into words. It would still be Chizuru absolutely. But he's worried. He's afraid his reaction is going to be off-putting to her. He'll know it's her. But his reaction...]

[Melius' reaction to new things is fear.]

But I - I don't - want to upset you. If - if it startles me. S-so that's um. That's why. I asked.

What you looked like.

[ One of Chizuru's nails scratches at her skin - but not hard enough to actually hurt. It's more a light, idle gesture, like her nerves translate to little ways of fretting like that. ]

I just look.. mostly still like me. [ She likes to think so, anyway.

But sometimes when she gets really anxious, it's easy to worry that maybe she doesn't look a thing like herself in that form. ]

My hair and eyes change colour. And I grow horns, like-- like you.

Oh.

[He blinks again. And again. And scratches at his own scales. They both have itching tics, apparently.] Um. That's - that's not.

That's not bad. At all.

[Really, he was expecting so much worse. Like being on fire, or made of lightning. That kind of thing.]

Do you think you could handle that..?

[ He is saying it's not bad at all, but.. you know, it can't hurt to ask this again just to make sure, right? The last thing she wants is for him to be scared after all.

She isn't too sure if she could handle a friend looking at her like that. Not after everything. ]

I'm.. um, I'm not even sure I can change into that form, it's still hard for me.. But I could try.

... yes.

[He doesn't sound as nervous as usual when he says that. He sounds sure of himself?]

Because - because that isn't like Dremora. Or Daedra. That. That still... sounds like Chizuru.

[Impeccable logic here!]

[ Hey, that is logic that clearly can't be denied.

It's why Chizuru doesn't respond to it with words. Instead she just nods, and then closes her eyes - looking very much like she's focusing. She's found that it's a little easier with the kind of blood she's got in this place compared to back home, but it still takes quite some effort on her part to consciously shift appearances. If not just because she isn't used to doing so.

But after inhaling and exhaling a few times, her appearance slowly starts to shift. Her hair shifts from its usual dark shade of brown to a pure white, and small stubby horns grow out of her forehead.

When she slowly opens her eyes again, they're a bright golden colour, seeming to glow entirely by themselves.

Chizuru doesn't say anything, even when her eyes are open again and she stares at Melius - almost like she's too worried or too embarrassed to be the one to speak up first here in this situation. ]

[Okay, no matter what. He's going to watch her do this. He's going to keep an open mind, and he's not going to freak out! Unless it's... an explosion or something. Then he might freak out a bit.]

[But it isn't.]

[It's very slow and calm. It's like watching someone repaint her or something. And there's nothing scary about it at all. Sure, the glowing eyes are a bit off-putting. But animals have glowing eyes! And they're just animals.]

Oh. You um. That isn't scary.

[And hey! He said it without really stuttering. That says a lot!]

[ Even when he speaks up first - thank you, Melius, you're being such a good brave guy!! - Chizuru doesn't speak up for another moment. Instead her hand reaches up, almost hesitantly, to feel at her horn.

.. yes, that.. sure is there. It feels strange to her, considering how little time she has spent in this form, and how alien the entire demon thing still feels to her. But she does want to acknowledge this is who she is, whether she likes it or not. (Or rather -- no matter how she feels about it.) ]

.. It isn't..?

[ Granted, one should figure it really isn't if Melius can say it like that, but Chizuru is just insecure enough about this that she can't help but ask all the same. ]

N-no! No... no it's not. It um. It looks like... you dyed your hair.

[He fidgets a bit more. Not sure if this is going to be helpful to her or not. He hopes it will be.]

And - and horns. I have horns. Those - those are fine.

[Is this helping? Is he helping.]

S-sometimes, Khajiit have eyes that glow. And - and I am not afraid of Khajiit. So. You aren't scary.

.. thank you.

[ Her voice is soft as she says it. Her gaze moves to stare at her own hands in her lap, but then she slowly sucks in a breath as she dares to move it back up to him. ]

I.. guess it might be easier for you. Since not everyone where you come from looks like a human. [ Unlike Chizuru's world - where everyone would absolutely be startled if they saw something looking as different as Chizuru does. ] But it's.. It's still kind of you to say I'm not scary.

[ It still means something to her, even if it doesn't necessarily convince her that she's not scary at all to anyone. But.. at least her friends trust her. At least her friends aren't scared.

That's important too, right? ]

M-maybe. Maybe... but I'm still... I'm still scared of a lot. Of things.

[He's scared of so many things, Chizuru. So very many things. But it seems like she isn't one of them. She would never do anything to attack him. Or hurt him.]

[So why be afraid of her?]

You're... you're my friend. So. So I can't. Be afraid. Of you.

text ; un: dovahkiin

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