( It's strange, the awareness that he can never be sure what he's said or what the demon might've said to people. Peter's mind feels like something with a hole in it β and too much gets let in, and too much gets let out. Dreams, nightmares, time, memories... often, he can never be 100% what's really happened. And these days, with more of the blend between Paimon and himself.... it's become much worse.
But actually talking it out helps him feel more grounded...? Surprisingly?? Communication is a good thing, who would've known. Even if this isn't easy, and even if his stomach is slowly coiling up again, nervous. )
It's... hard. To talk about. Sheβ she died. ( Peter looks almost apologetic to say that aloud. He knows Diarmuid is no stranger to loss; he's gotten glimpses of his friend's past, too. )
...It was my fault. I killed her. It was an accident, but... I killed her.
( There's so much to it. So much, so much, but that's how it is in simple terms, and Peter can't look at Diarmuid for a moment. )
I used to think he was... um. A punishment for that? And maybe he is, but... I've learned some things about it. Things I never knew before, about my family, about their.... connection to him?
( He doesn't know how to express all of this. There's... so much. He's so confused about it, hasn't been able to look at it too closely. ...But there's something there in him, something Peter's never said before. It comes quietly. He's stopped fighting it. )
...I don't know why he's... inside me, but I think maybe it was always going to happen. And maybe I just have to accept that, even if it means... someday I might not be here anymore.
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But actually talking it out helps him feel more grounded...? Surprisingly?? Communication is a good thing, who would've known. Even if this isn't easy, and even if his stomach is slowly coiling up again, nervous. )
It's... hard. To talk about. Sheβ she died. ( Peter looks almost apologetic to say that aloud. He knows Diarmuid is no stranger to loss; he's gotten glimpses of his friend's past, too. )
...It was my fault. I killed her. It was an accident, but... I killed her.
( There's so much to it. So much, so much, but that's how it is in simple terms, and Peter can't look at Diarmuid for a moment. )
I used to think he was... um. A punishment for that? And maybe he is, but... I've learned some things about it. Things I never knew before, about my family, about their.... connection to him?
( He doesn't know how to express all of this. There's... so much. He's so confused about it, hasn't been able to look at it too closely. ...But there's something there in him, something Peter's never said before. It comes quietly. He's stopped fighting it. )
...I don't know why he's... inside me, but I think maybe it was always going to happen. And maybe I just have to accept that, even if it means... someday I might not be here anymore.