Anna Amarande (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hauntedsavior) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2021-11-15 09:04 pm
hauntedsavior) wrote in deernet2021-11-15 09:04 pm
002 // text; username: grollschwert
cw: chronic illness, ruminations on death
Fun one for you tonight.
[this message comes in the middle of the night, when no one in their right mind should be awake. but that's never stopped anna. she can't sleep, and if flynn and ruby and everybody are right then she has to at least try not to keep this stuff inside her at all times. sorrow's silence we needn't bear, or whatever.]
You know a girl. Her body is breaking down and her meds are failing her.
She has years left. Maybe months, if it gets worse.
But something happens, and she gets access to amazing new technology. Things that prevent her body from attacking itself.
Things that stop her timer from ticking faster than everyone else's.
Great, right?
You get to know her better. You entertain her little crush on you. Maybe you like her back a little and maybe things aren't gonna be so bad.
But one day, you do something.
Something that sets off a chain of events that you couldn't have predicted. Not in a million years.
Small things collide into medium things collide into big huge massive things.
And after the butterfly version of you is done flapping its wings, she doesn't have access to that technology anymore.
She's back on the timer.
She doesn't know you did anything.
She never finds out.
You can't bring yourself to tell her, and she wouldn't believe it if you did.
She barely recognizes you anymore, by the end of it.
Her family finds your name on her phone and invites you to pay respects.
Do you still go to her funeral?
Did you kill her?
Fun one for you tonight.
[this message comes in the middle of the night, when no one in their right mind should be awake. but that's never stopped anna. she can't sleep, and if flynn and ruby and everybody are right then she has to at least try not to keep this stuff inside her at all times. sorrow's silence we needn't bear, or whatever.]
You know a girl. Her body is breaking down and her meds are failing her.
She has years left. Maybe months, if it gets worse.
But something happens, and she gets access to amazing new technology. Things that prevent her body from attacking itself.
Things that stop her timer from ticking faster than everyone else's.
Great, right?
You get to know her better. You entertain her little crush on you. Maybe you like her back a little and maybe things aren't gonna be so bad.
But one day, you do something.
Something that sets off a chain of events that you couldn't have predicted. Not in a million years.
Small things collide into medium things collide into big huge massive things.
And after the butterfly version of you is done flapping its wings, she doesn't have access to that technology anymore.
She's back on the timer.
She doesn't know you did anything.
She never finds out.
You can't bring yourself to tell her, and she wouldn't believe it if you did.
She barely recognizes you anymore, by the end of it.
Her family finds your name on her phone and invites you to pay respects.
Do you still go to her funeral?
Did you kill her?
no subject
Don't think I knew anyone who turned into a bug, but I didn't have my eye on everyone so it's totally possible.
I got used to it eventually, but when my legs first turned into these robot legs, I stayed inside for a week trying to cope.
Including learning how to walk again. That was cool, fun time, 10/10.
no subject
What on earth was causing such a thing? Past lives are one thing, but what you went through sounds absolutely torturous.
no subject
Other people had it way worse than me, honestly.
And it's not like the girl I share souls with was a leech or anything. She helped me out of a bunch of stuff, too.
All from inside my chest.
no subject
At least she was helpful, I suppose. Better than learning some past life version of you thinks you're some sort of usurper.
no subject
lmao, god. I guess pre-fall you would think that, huh. I've heard "you are not immune to propaganda" but this is ridiculous.
no subject
You'll have to forgive me for saying I can't begin to understand such a situation, but it certainly can't be easy to deal with.
no subject
Resilience and persistence.
Guess the same is true for androids designed like humans.
no subject
I suppose it might be somewhat ironic coming from me, but I firmly believe resilience and persistence is the experience of being alive; something manner of creatures experience, even the ones who might struggle to explain it.
no subject
Goddammit, we do keep going.
Even when things get bad like this.
Even when everyone else is gone.
no subject
Timescales like that are almost impossible for most to comprehend. Even for someone like me, it can be incredibly difficult to explain. Time, as I know it, only ever flows in one direction. We only ever have hindsight to guide us.
no subject
Would be cool to get some kind of insight when your soul merges with someone millennia in your own future, but, like.
All we can do is keep moving forward, I guess.
No matter what else happens around us.
no subject
She is from both the past and the future. I can't say I understand it, of course, but perhaps both of you would be able to learn from the other in some way.
no subject
How to use a sword. How to kick my own ass into action. How to save lives.
Would love to pay her back for that one day in a way that I can actually see.