Anna Amarande (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hauntedsavior) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2021-11-15 09:04 pm
hauntedsavior) wrote in deernet2021-11-15 09:04 pm
002 // text; username: grollschwert
cw: chronic illness, ruminations on death
Fun one for you tonight.
[this message comes in the middle of the night, when no one in their right mind should be awake. but that's never stopped anna. she can't sleep, and if flynn and ruby and everybody are right then she has to at least try not to keep this stuff inside her at all times. sorrow's silence we needn't bear, or whatever.]
You know a girl. Her body is breaking down and her meds are failing her.
She has years left. Maybe months, if it gets worse.
But something happens, and she gets access to amazing new technology. Things that prevent her body from attacking itself.
Things that stop her timer from ticking faster than everyone else's.
Great, right?
You get to know her better. You entertain her little crush on you. Maybe you like her back a little and maybe things aren't gonna be so bad.
But one day, you do something.
Something that sets off a chain of events that you couldn't have predicted. Not in a million years.
Small things collide into medium things collide into big huge massive things.
And after the butterfly version of you is done flapping its wings, she doesn't have access to that technology anymore.
She's back on the timer.
She doesn't know you did anything.
She never finds out.
You can't bring yourself to tell her, and she wouldn't believe it if you did.
She barely recognizes you anymore, by the end of it.
Her family finds your name on her phone and invites you to pay respects.
Do you still go to her funeral?
Did you kill her?
Fun one for you tonight.
[this message comes in the middle of the night, when no one in their right mind should be awake. but that's never stopped anna. she can't sleep, and if flynn and ruby and everybody are right then she has to at least try not to keep this stuff inside her at all times. sorrow's silence we needn't bear, or whatever.]
You know a girl. Her body is breaking down and her meds are failing her.
She has years left. Maybe months, if it gets worse.
But something happens, and she gets access to amazing new technology. Things that prevent her body from attacking itself.
Things that stop her timer from ticking faster than everyone else's.
Great, right?
You get to know her better. You entertain her little crush on you. Maybe you like her back a little and maybe things aren't gonna be so bad.
But one day, you do something.
Something that sets off a chain of events that you couldn't have predicted. Not in a million years.
Small things collide into medium things collide into big huge massive things.
And after the butterfly version of you is done flapping its wings, she doesn't have access to that technology anymore.
She's back on the timer.
She doesn't know you did anything.
She never finds out.
You can't bring yourself to tell her, and she wouldn't believe it if you did.
She barely recognizes you anymore, by the end of it.
Her family finds your name on her phone and invites you to pay respects.
Do you still go to her funeral?
Did you kill her?
no subject
He doesn't push her to talk. After he's said his piece, he keeps silent. For someone who screamed online, he had plenty of self-awareness in person. He does watch her talk, his ears slightly pricked. He gets what she's saying well enough to follow with the story, nodding to show as much.)
You're a vessel. (Okay. He understands.) Did you exist before this person was placed inside of you? Or is this a metaphorical reference to a person you used to be?
(Genuine question. He would believe either fully. He watches how far the rock goes and feels a twinge of pride that it got further this time.)
Nice. (He murmurs this quietly, an afterthought.)
I don't even know if 'war' is even a fair word for what we went through. It was a violent, stupid, selfish game that played at war. (Stupid. So stupid. He shakes his head at himself, at all of his hundreds upon hundreds of past mistakes that kept him awake most nights. But the rest of what she says...Yeah, he's done that.)
In my opinion, people like you are the smarter type. Being a leader never goes anywhere good for anyone. Not really. (He takes a slow breath, shivering a little. He wasn't used to cooler weather. His kind wasn't made for it.)
Just a girl, huh. No one is just anything so simple. If you were that protective of someone, then that's something you gave to someone. Most people never know what it feels like to be cared for like that. Even if you lost her in the end, you still gave her that. That's worth a lot.
no subject
[it's hard to tell what she's replying to at first, since she's just standing there listening to karkat talk. listening to him tell her that she still did something good for lillian—for everyone, even if he doesn't know them yet—just by fighting to protect them. even if she failed. it does get through her skull; she doesn't, for this moment, think that he's full of shit. she must be tired.]
I'm a vessel. For an android named A2 from millennia in the future. But before her soul started hitching a ride here, I was just Annalise Amarande Lehmann. [there's a couple letters in there that get pronounced that might not otherwise be. german, of course. and again, it's not totally right. she bends down and throws another rock out casually with the same technique. she's getting the hang of it, she thinks as it goes a couple skips more.]
Still am that girl. Anna Amarande, though. You call me that full thing, I kick your ass. [it's a dry joke. she doesn't even know why she said her full name in the first place. felt right.] We live inside here together, me and A2. Don't know if anyone else back home really thought of their soul buddy like I do. Like someone who's already lived through the end of their world and just deserves a peaceful place to rest. [she's just talking now, and she recognizes it. it's not even related to war anymore. way to go, amaranth.] Just me finding another person to protect. Wonder how many lives you hold yourself responsible for before you have to start calling yourself a leader.