[Accidental Transmission]

[imaglyphwitch]

((Warnings: Stream of conscious, fairly depressed feelings thought aloud, mention of losing one's sentience))

[It was at the tower, the very top, one of the few times she didn't see Rapunzel there, and that was interesting because someone else was there. Luz had gone up to get away, aware of the feeling in her heart but not wanting to have that so openly displayed. As it happened, it was the first of February, she should have expected to see her, but her appearing now made so much sense to her].

You knew. Of course you did.

[Luz looked out into the snow-covered places of Trench, marveling it a moment].

Most days this would be a great view. It reminds me of the possibilities, of the places I haven't explored yet. Even if there are things here that terrify me, there's also a lot that's really interesting!

But. I just feel heavy in my heart right now. I...I miss her. I love my omen, I do, Tempest is a part of me I could never be, but...she can't talk. I know a part of me made her that way too, because if she did talk.

It would break me a little.

I can't create a Margot. No one could. She was bright and fun, and sad because she failed her sister, and wanted desperately to make amends. So as much as I could, I had fun with her. I showered her in affection because she needed a sister, and I never had one. I never even shared a room before. I never stood up talking about nothing. I never slept around someone, first for warmth and then for actual warmth. She was my sister. I loved her a lot.

And now it's like she was never here. I mean, she never WAS technically, she was never a squid. But you know what I mean. It was like she was never part of my life. People have forgotten her, and where she is now, she'll have forgotten herself. She'll just be a wolf. All because some scientist needed to be cruel and take away her intelligence. I should have told myself that her "waking" from the dream was always possible.

I haven't forgotten. Me, her and Eda had fun. We were happy. Then Eda went, and a few months later, she did too. So I found a new home. I try to keep my family close. I love them. I brought new people in, and I love them too. I just wish this hole, where she still lives, didn't hurt so much.

It's a lot to ask for. But I think you knew that it would be the thing that brought me to you. The moment I saw a picture of you, with the bleeding roses and the sword in your hand, I knew. You understood. Understand.

Sometimes you're always carrying the sword, even as you bleed.

[She unfortunately did not realize that Tempest was here and had activated her Omni. Tempest was aware this was a bit of an invasion of privacy for her partner but was concerned. Very concerned].

Comments

[imaglyphwitch]

I don't think I ever got to meet her. Before my time?

Yes. I was looking for her when I first arrived here, and I hoped she was going to be in the same place with me.

I feel like the guys would have liked her.

[kyley_b]

well to my loser ass you're cool.

my dad was balding so this is a legit concern for me. but yeah, I remember having a big fight with them and we just went our own ways and never reconciled. which is different from my actual memories.

yeah. and it's not fair.

it's alright NOT to be okay, you know. sometimes you have to be sad, or angry.

[onerthes]

Heh. [She smiled.] Well, Majima is a He, so definitely before your time.

[She gave her a little wink as she said it.]

I think they would. And I still have a few that I go to the coast every month, hoping to see. I worry about them, and I will probably always do so, at least for a very long time. They should have a friendly face, yes?

[enblightened]

i would offer company but i do not think i am much suitable right now. you ought to have a friend stop by sometime.

truthfully, i began to have truly close friends upon arriving in trench. those i knew back in my world are comrades, true, but i did not feel as intimate as the people i have found here. know that i understand that much, at least.

[imaglyphwitch]

I'll take it! I think you're pretty cool too!

That's a shame. I don't think I'd be in a good place if I lost my friends. Do you remember what caused it?

It isn't. I'm definitely feeling less ok. I haven't felt OK about it in a while, but I've been trying to distract myself. Thing is, in the corner of my mind, or anytime I see my Omen, I'm always thinking about her.

[At this point Tempest sided up to Luz and put her chin on the girl's shoulder].

Don't worry, you're still amazing.

[imaglyphwitch]

[This guy. She swore every time Bigby talked she wanted to hug him and tell him he was a good person and she wished he wasn't so hard on himself].

I'm not even sure I'm suitable company right now. That's why I'm here in the tower in the first place. To gather my thoughts and stuff. I didn't expect that I'd see Doorway so soon.

I've made friends since stepping out of my realm, but in Deerington, she was one of the first that I made, and she lived with us for several months.

I still have the stuffed doll she gave me.

[imaglyphwitch]

Oh, my bad! I misgendered! Still, that's pretty sad.

Yes, you're right. I never knew that you did that. Isn't it a little sad though, when they don't show up?

[schoolingfish]

Yeah.

[If Luca was convinced that he could leave here and wake up with his parents and Alberto and Giulia...]

I mean, it's not like it would be a bad thing for me if I ended up back with them.

[It's not like with Margot where what she had to go back to was pretty bad.]

Whatever happens, I just want you to know if something like that happens, I'm probably okay and happy wherever I end up. And probably learning new things!

[onerthes]

Well, you never quite met him. But trust me. He had a flare for the open buttoned shirts and his tattoos. He was definitely hard to miss. Right down to the eyepatch and that outlandish voice of his.

[Majima Goro was quite the character.]

It was sad the first month... and in one case it's still very sad to me, but I also like to think that most of their lives aren't so bad, so I just miss them. Like an old friend on a trip.

[imaglyphwitch]

No, of course not! I think in Deerington though, if you went back, you forgot about this place unless you were coming back.

[With Margot it wasn't just this. It would hurt to be forgotten, Luz reasoned in her mind, but she could accept that, in a way, if Margot got a happy life. But her sentience was taken away, and that was the thing in her mind that pained her at night, that made her cry when no one could see her. She couldn't save her friend from this fate, her sister, no matter what she did. It just happened, and that was the thought that killed her].

No, I'll bet you are! It's sucky to be forgotten, but if I'm here and you're not, I'm always going to be hoping you're somewhere learning and being happy! That's how I felt when I first got into magic school!

[imaglyphwitch]

Ok, he sounds cool!

[He practically leapt out of the screen of a RPG game]!

Yeah. I think they'll be glad. That's good for them.

[Luz is trying not to cry here, because she KNOWS what happens to Margot. It was the reason she was out here talking to Doorway away from other people. She didn't want to burden people with these thought she really couldn't do anything about. How could they answer her]?

[rosae]

If you'd like to talk more about her, I'm here to listen. Anytime.

( She means that: night or day, rain or shine. Having an ear to listen can mean so much. Rose knows that very well, with Luz listening to her about her daughter, too. )

Something that helps a little when I'm missing someone is to... do the things they liked to do. It's still lonely, but it helps me feel... connected to them again.

[imaglyphwitch]

[Luz would have happily talked to Rose about her daughter, and was all the happier that they finally reunited despite having lingered sad feelings about her own mother and Eda. Even she knew it was selfish to think about that when Rose had been looking for Sharon so long].

Thank you.

[She hesitated here, then let out a small sigh].

There's a small garden I tend to, actually, I'll take you there one day. It's a garden I grow for Margot. She liked flowers.

[kyley_b]

yeah. we were all under a lot of stress and we stopped trusting each other. a big part of that was my fault, I did something behind their backs. so we fought, and I refused to back down, to apologize.

does talking about it help? because I'll listen.

[droptheious]

That was a lot. Out loud.

...That's all. Like. If you're good I'll leave you be, but I also said I was good</i. and you know what happened there. So-

[rosae]

I'd love to see it sometime. ( Rose gives a soft, sad smile. ) I'd like to learn more about her. Margot. And Eda too, if you like.

( The people Luz has mentioned who were so important to her — Rose wants to get to know them, even if it's only through the girl's memory. That's still something. It's still a way to help them live on. )

Re: [Audio][un: A_Wesker013]

[subject_013]

She likely is bringing that out in people: consider October and the way Cloverfield brought back some people's most painful memories. Toward the end of the momth, I'd seen a vision of a corpse-like version of a colleague of mine who was like a younger brother, which gave me a chance to bid him farewell, after a fashion.

[A dry, but still almost nervous chuckle.] It's just as well. It was... highly personal.

Admittedly, it's why I'm not a fan of it. However.... I've seen multiple courses I could have taken but haven't, and glimpsed worlds I could have lived in. If those could have been mine, why couldn't it be the outcome for others?

[imaglyphwitch]

That's rough. I don't know what you did, but maybe that's a story you can change in the future somehow?

That's my struggle. I know a lot of great people here, you included, who are willing to talk to me about this. I don't have it bad, compared to someone like Bigby or Darth Maul or something. People care about me, so its selfish to bring them all

But nothing will bring her back, and its not just that she'd not here. It's that she'll never be herself anymore, the person I knew, because she'll be a regular wolf. Her going back takes everything from her.

[And knowing she'll forget everything about HER was already bad enough].

[imaglyphwitch]

I didn't mean for it to get out! It was supposed to be private. That's why I went to the tower!

You're right though. Not talking about stuff got you in some trouble. I've just been thinking about Margot more, because I feel like I'm going to forget her one day.

I hate that it feels like it'll be like she was never here.

[imaglyphwitch]

I'll show it to you, promise!

[Luz smiles a little to herself, because she feels slightly happy that someone she considered akin to a mother figure was asking exactly what she hoped she would].

I'll start with Margot, actually, since she takes some understanding. So the world's she's from, I guess is sort of a dystopia where there are less humans now, and enough stuff's happened that animals can walk and talk and have formed their own cliques. Margot was the youngest of her wolf family, and her family took in this human, a girl named wolf, who they raised as their own, until the time they wanted their children to hunt her themselves. Now Margot and this girl were close, but Margot is still a kid, so she does what her parents says, and the girl not only gets away, she winds up killing and skinning the mom, wearing the skin afterward to remind her not to trust any "mutes."

Margot regrets their falling out to this day, or at least, afterward.

Re: [Audio][un: A_Wesker013]

[imaglyphwitch]

I think she brought this out in me because I've been carrying it awhile. I never even thought about how much I've been keeping that in the back of my mind until Varian, and then when I started to think about it, I see Doorway here. I don't...think I believe in gods, the idea of them being these being that you have to offer yourself to and all of that. But I do think that some beings can be pieces of you, and through that you can start to figure yourself out.

I hope not too many people saw that then.

Maybe. I've wondered a lot about some of the courses and choices I've made too. It was in Deerington where I came across my first alternate version of myself, after all.

[droptheious]

Well, clearly Tempest decided otherwise.

[Omens were good at that, he's noticed. Looking out for people where they might otherwise neglect their own wellbeing. Ruddiger doesn't do it as much but he's... you know.

A jackass. ]

I don't think you'll forget her. Maybe- would it help to put a little memorial up for her? Like in the garden or something? Give you someplace to go when you're thinking of her?

[schoolingfish]

But we don't know if it's the same here.

[They don't even know if anyone 'goes back' here, either, though. Leaving might just mean they're squids swimming through the sea.]

Yeah, I'm sure you going to magic school is probably like me when I go down to the Gaze! I really have a lot of fun going to classes and reading stuff in the Archives.

[imaglyphwitch]

No, that's true. It's just...she never came here. I realize I didn't see her much at Deerington, but she did tell me her fate. That I was sure about.

[That and she knew she'd never choose to go home. She knew that for sure].

I'll bet you did! Keep learning! That's bound to be super important someday. Some people don't know how much they need an archivist until it's too late!

text; un: doublehedgedsword

[laminae]

[Oh. Oh geez, this is a lot to be shared over the network publicly. Chances are it isn't deliberate, and that isn't great - but really, the important thing here is how Luz is feeling.]

hey
i haven't forgotten about Margot
if it feels like people have maybe there's something we can do so she's still got like
a presence or something
here
like a statue or something?
would that help?