[Accidental Transmission]

[imaglyphwitch]

((Warnings: Stream of conscious, fairly depressed feelings thought aloud, mention of losing one's sentience))

[It was at the tower, the very top, one of the few times she didn't see Rapunzel there, and that was interesting because someone else was there. Luz had gone up to get away, aware of the feeling in her heart but not wanting to have that so openly displayed. As it happened, it was the first of February, she should have expected to see her, but her appearing now made so much sense to her].

You knew. Of course you did.

[Luz looked out into the snow-covered places of Trench, marveling it a moment].

Most days this would be a great view. It reminds me of the possibilities, of the places I haven't explored yet. Even if there are things here that terrify me, there's also a lot that's really interesting!

But. I just feel heavy in my heart right now. I...I miss her. I love my omen, I do, Tempest is a part of me I could never be, but...she can't talk. I know a part of me made her that way too, because if she did talk.

It would break me a little.

I can't create a Margot. No one could. She was bright and fun, and sad because she failed her sister, and wanted desperately to make amends. So as much as I could, I had fun with her. I showered her in affection because she needed a sister, and I never had one. I never even shared a room before. I never stood up talking about nothing. I never slept around someone, first for warmth and then for actual warmth. She was my sister. I loved her a lot.

And now it's like she was never here. I mean, she never WAS technically, she was never a squid. But you know what I mean. It was like she was never part of my life. People have forgotten her, and where she is now, she'll have forgotten herself. She'll just be a wolf. All because some scientist needed to be cruel and take away her intelligence. I should have told myself that her "waking" from the dream was always possible.

I haven't forgotten. Me, her and Eda had fun. We were happy. Then Eda went, and a few months later, she did too. So I found a new home. I try to keep my family close. I love them. I brought new people in, and I love them too. I just wish this hole, where she still lives, didn't hurt so much.

It's a lot to ask for. But I think you knew that it would be the thing that brought me to you. The moment I saw a picture of you, with the bleeding roses and the sword in your hand, I knew. You understood. Understand.

Sometimes you're always carrying the sword, even as you bleed.

[She unfortunately did not realize that Tempest was here and had activated her Omni. Tempest was aware this was a bit of an invasion of privacy for her partner but was concerned. Very concerned].

Comments

Re: Is Luz projecting? Possibly!

[imaglyphwitch]

[Luz nodded, thinking about what she'd be willing to give up].

I agree with that, though it would be hard to convince some people that the Pthumerian had any kind of good intentions for us. I know my friend Korra and I would have an argument there.

[In the future, Wesker would learn this pretty quickly].

You know, I always wondered about that, but I figured it was something that had to do with Trench, not from your actual world. That must be, I think, like being on diabetes when you need to have a daily injection of insulin. Is there no way to cure it?

Re: Is Luz projecting? Possibly!

[subject_013]

At least they have some intentions toward us, for good or for ill. The world I came from seemed to lack any higher powers, or if there were, they'd become absentee landlords. I'm not an especially religious man, though I'm not an unbeliever, especially since I came here. I suppose I'd hoped when I was young that there was someone or something which watches over the world and the sapient minds which dwell within it. The Pthumerians may not be gods in the purest sense of the word, but they are the nearest thing to it.

[He smirks a tiny bit.] Excellent analogy, and I'd used it myself to explain it to some colleagues when I'd returned to my world of origin after Sodder's Nightmare had ended. There's no full cure, though there are ways to curb the worst aspects of it. Here, I've been spared the risk of the pathogen. But I am more susceptible to Corruption, especially with the work that I do.

[imaglyphwitch]

My mom tried to raise me to be a good Catholic but...I don't know. I think it's one of those things she learned from her mother and her mother, and I'm sure that it's supposed to be something to make me feel safe. Personally, I don't find comfort in a diety that causes wars or has some strange dislike about an aspect of myself I can't change. The Pthumerians at least feel like they live within our realm rather than outside of us, always unaffected.

[The idea of a God all knowing and all powerful now conjured up images of The Emperor of the Boiling Isles, and the less she got away from that kind of person the better].

I'm glad that it can't get worse, but I am a little worried about corruption. What would that even do to someone like you?

[subject_013]

It's my observation that part of growing up involves challenging the belief system you'd been raised in, and if you don't pass down that road, it means either you're either content with it, or worse, you weren't given the chance to challenge the aspects that don't sit right with you.

[He nudges the plate toward her.]

If it's any consolation, I'd lived in a state of being a few missed doses away from a condition unlike Corruption. I've learned to observe myself closely, and the same has applied here. There were one or two brushes with Corruption, but I have been fortunate so far. It's been a matter of vigilance. I'd tell you not to worry over me, but that would be like trying to block out the moonlight.

[imaglyphwitch]

It's just. There's so much out there, and so much growing I want to do. I want to find out who I am, what I want to stand for, what I want to be. I know people with faith can still decide those things, but I don't want to do it their way. They like knowing that there's a force out there that binds them together, that they have to obey, who will make everything right.

I just want to be able to be me without needing anyone's approval needed, I guess?

[At least, the anyone that wasn't herself. She took the plate and ate quietly].

You got that right! I worry about all the people that matter to me, even some that don't! This place isn't forgiving to people who are emotionally invested in others, it seems.

[subject_013]

Perhaps that's why you were called here: to a world between and among worlds where you're outside the influence of the things of your world of origin. To become whom and what you need to be. It's a fundamental right, to be ones authentic self, whatever form that self takes or however circumstance shapes it.

[He looks to her, completely serious.]

If you were suddenly to cease showing concern for the Sleepers, that would give me cause for alarm.

[imaglyphwitch]

That's what I'm hoping for. It's at least a better fate than thinking that I wound up here randomly just because I was dragged here by Julia and then just got Stockholm Syndrome and stayed. I do want to push forward.

[Even saying it out loud, it sounded ridiculous and unlike her. That was a mindset that was too easy to fall into when things were bad: there were still lots of good things about being here].

I don't know if I could do that if I tried. Maybe a corrupted form of me could, but not ME me.

[subject_013]

Drawing the best from the worst situations is one of the most vital if trickiest to develop life skills. As upside down as it sounds, you're adapting better than some adults would in this situation.

[He might stand up a little straight, edging back from her slightly, eyebrows raised slightly but mostly retaining his sang froid.]

I have a sinking sensation that would be a sure sign of Corruption had set in. Should I see it in you, I'll do what I can to treat it, even if the most I can do is talk you through it.

[imaglyphwitch]

I think it helps to know some people went crazy pretty much NOT adapting. I'm good at it, but that's still a fear in my mind. Luckily, I've gotten much better at going to people for help when I feel like that.

[Luz was good at adjusting, but bad at letting out how frustrated she could feel about things, and that tended to bite her in the butt at certain times].

If anyone could talk me down in a situation like that, it's you, maybe Vira and Varian too. But I'm sure you'll know it when you see it.

[subject_013]

I pray that I won't have to talk you back from Corruption, though I have developed a keen eye for the indications of it. They vary from Sleeper, but there are some commonalities: clouded eyes and a severely altered personality are some of the most frequent. However... it's honor that you'd consider me one of those chosen to lead you back to yourself.

[It's good for him: it gives him a chance to get out of himself and think of the welfare of another, even if that someone is one of the people he's chosen to look out for. It's another step in the right direction.]

[imaglyphwitch]

Of course I would. There are only a few people who would probably be able to bring me back from a state like that. I still have no idea how exactly it would happen, but I'd have to believe that you would be able to help. I'm sure you'd be up to the task!

[Luz is still very oblivious to how dubious Wesker's nature is, but she chose to believe that he could be persuaded to do good things even if she was sure she still didn't know the extent of how bad he'd been. She didn't think him the type to fully disclose all of what he'd done in his previous world].

[subject_013]

I'm still learning the better techniques, but I'm nothing if not a quick study in most things. Corruption, on the other hand, was an easy study: I'm already versed in spotting symptoms and recognizing emerging infections. It's a matter of dealing with a different mode of illness.

[At least he's starting recognize compassion as a survival mechanism rather than a weakness, but that's not to say he's immune to backsliding.]

[imaglyphwitch]

You're familiar with corruption? So that means several kinds of corruptions then, not just the ones that tell you into beasts, but the ones that change you into different, aggressive people.

[That hadn't happened to Luz, thought she heard it had happened to other people].

[subject_013]

Not Corruption per se, as this place knows it. But I was a virologist before I fell into Deerington. I've probably said I was exposed to something which we were working on. While it mutated me into something greater than human, that came with a price: if I didn't dose myself regularly with a serum to keep the pathogens in check, something very like Corruption would set in and drive me mad, to say the least. [Dryly, he continues.] It's as if fate and the Pthumerians wanted me here, applying my knowledge and experience.

There are phases to Corruption, just as there are to any infectious illness, and while there are some common signs such as slurred speech, clouding of the eyes and loss of coordination, many Sleepers show signs peculiar to them, and often predictive of the Beast they may transform into.

[imaglyphwitch]

[Oh, so it was different version of corruption! It didn't sound all too different from the version that they were dealing with, which Wesker had noted anyway. It still made her pretty nervous though: she hadn't known that Wesker had to deal with it himself, and now that she DID know, she wondered if Trench would find a way to try and have that happen to him.

Then again, she had to imagine this was something that Wesker himself had thought of himself].

So, they have clues that would give them away. Are they all like this, do you think, or are they specific to the way they are themselves?

[subject_013]

The basics are similar, that can be easily assessed, but beyond the baseline of 'over exposure to Blood causes a person to warp physically and turn mad', the later

It appears that each case of Corruption and the Beasthood spawned from it are shaped by the mind and spirit of the person it affects. I'd seen something similar happen with some of the bio-agents I'd studied in my world of origin, and it's given me pause for thought.

[imaglyphwitch]

It seems like blood is almost always going to be where it all starts. That already makes things pretty complicated.

How many different kinds of corruptions have you seen?

[subject_013]

In short: it varies from Sleeper to Sleeper, but to elaborate: I've seen mostly psychological causes. There almost seems a kind of secondary Corruption that I've noticed among some Disciples and Night Walkers, since they aide us often at their own expense. Those risk burning themselves out, if they aren't careful. [A dry cough of a laugh in his throat.] I'd had someone suggest, based on my looks, I might make an unusual Night Walker, though I had to disillusion them: I have a selfish streak a mile wide, though I suppose, it pays for a Night Walker to think of their own needs to be able to care for their clients.

But the physical causes are more dramatic. Hunters come into contact with Blood on the regular, simply from defending the city and its denizens. Blood Ministers like myself are particularly at risk, though I might be biased since I work as one. Wearing adequate protection helps, but even that can't always keep the psychological effects at bay.

[imaglyphwitch]

That sounds about right. You know, I consider myself a Night Walker, in that I do like to watch over and take care of people. Maybe that was why when I was corrupted, I could actually be talked down. I think you have a point though, about those having to go hand in hand. It makes a lot of sense to me.

Have you had a lot of psychological things that happen to you because of corruption?

[subject_013]

The cures do tailor themselves to the persons affected. I've seen some especially aggressive Hunters who had to be fought down, quite literally. I might have gotten involved in that. [He says this with an air of very false innocence.]

I suppose this is information you need to know: I've flirted with Corruption, though I haven't yet fallen into full Beasthood. Yet. [That's the operating word.] However, when Corruption has started snapping at my heels, I grow more paranoid and hypervigilant. My speech slurs and yet my phrasing grows more manic, dare I say maniacal. I've caught myself growing suspicious and even verbally aggressive toward my co-workers. In addition to that, my skin turns dry and flaky, my eyes glow dull red and my gait turns uncoordinated, though that comes after the psychological effects manifest.

[imaglyphwitch]

I'd say so. Sometimes I can talk some down, and some...well. Some people don't heed my words.

[And in the coming months, Luz is actually going to get more than just harsh words thrown at her for her trouble].

I hope you were able to get them to see reason then!

That's a lot to know about yourself, but I think it's probably good we know that now. But now I know what to look for if I ever see you like that, right? I'd definitely notice all of that.

So what are the psychological effects?