Luz Noceda (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
imaglyphwitch) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2022-02-01 11:36 am
imaglyphwitch) wrote in deernet2022-02-01 11:36 am
Entry tags:
[Accidental Transmission]
((Warnings: Stream of conscious, fairly depressed feelings thought aloud, mention of losing one's sentience))
[It was at the tower, the very top, one of the few times she didn't see Rapunzel there, and that was interesting because someone else was there. Luz had gone up to get away, aware of the feeling in her heart but not wanting to have that so openly displayed. As it happened, it was the first of February, she should have expected to see her, but her appearing now made so much sense to her].
You knew. Of course you did.
[Luz looked out into the snow-covered places of Trench, marveling it a moment].
Most days this would be a great view. It reminds me of the possibilities, of the places I haven't explored yet. Even if there are things here that terrify me, there's also a lot that's really interesting!
But. I just feel heavy in my heart right now. I...I miss her. I love my omen, I do, Tempest is a part of me I could never be, but...she can't talk. I know a part of me made her that way too, because if she did talk.
It would break me a little.
I can't create a Margot. No one could. She was bright and fun, and sad because she failed her sister, and wanted desperately to make amends. So as much as I could, I had fun with her. I showered her in affection because she needed a sister, and I never had one. I never even shared a room before. I never stood up talking about nothing. I never slept around someone, first for warmth and then for actual warmth. She was my sister. I loved her a lot.
And now it's like she was never here. I mean, she never WAS technically, she was never a squid. But you know what I mean. It was like she was never part of my life. People have forgotten her, and where she is now, she'll have forgotten herself. She'll just be a wolf. All because some scientist needed to be cruel and take away her intelligence. I should have told myself that her "waking" from the dream was always possible.
I haven't forgotten. Me, her and Eda had fun. We were happy. Then Eda went, and a few months later, she did too. So I found a new home. I try to keep my family close. I love them. I brought new people in, and I love them too. I just wish this hole, where she still lives, didn't hurt so much.
It's a lot to ask for. But I think you knew that it would be the thing that brought me to you. The moment I saw a picture of you, with the bleeding roses and the sword in your hand, I knew. You understood. Understand.
Sometimes you're always carrying the sword, even as you bleed.
[She unfortunately did not realize that Tempest was here and had activated her Omni. Tempest was aware this was a bit of an invasion of privacy for her partner but was concerned. Very concerned].
text; UN: TripleJ
hey Luz! just checking in on you. pretty sure we're banned from several establishments in town now.
Re: text; UN: TripleJ
Oh noooo. I even tried to clean up the graffiti! Do you know she got into a bar fight?!
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you feeling OK?
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I feel kinda...weird today, honestly. Remembering people, past things. Kinda melancholic.
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yeah? i think that's pretty normal. we kinda went through a lot of 'what might have been' last month, you know? i was 50 for a while, it's kinda making me reevaluate my life choices.
you can talk about it if you want.
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[Luz was secure enough in herself to say that. She didn't need to be cool, she was herself]!
Your fifties? Good grief! I can't even imagine what I'd look like or even be thinking about!
I was just remembering someone I knew in Deerington. She was this wolf that could walk and talk like a human being, came from an Earth that had animals mutating enough to do that.
I basically drafted her to live with me and Eda, just like I did with Luca and Ahiru. But she was the first person other than Eda I live with, and we shared the same room and everything.
You have anyone here who knows what happens to them in their world, like, if they die?
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I still had hair! and a beard, which was kinda cool. I was sorta unfulfilled though. like I could remember a whole other life where I grew apart from all my closest friends and I was pretty much alone.
I remember you showing me her, with the antler charms in december. she was like your sister, you said.
no, I don't think so. we'll karkat and dirk might - they both seem to know about other timeliness and stuff where things turned out real bad.
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[Even if there were times she really should be practicing self-care, but that was another story].
Oh, that's a shame. I'm glad you still had hair and all of that, but without your friends?!
Right. Well she...I mean. You know. She knew what would happen if she woke up. In her world, a scientist takes away her ability to speak and walk on her hind legs. She's turned into a regular wolf and she forget everything.
I know some other people who have a bad end if they go back home. Being here, it's like they get a second chance. I hoped that Margot was going to stay my sister for a long time, but that didn't happen.
And acting like that's ok and that I'm coping is not really working anymore.
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my dad was balding so this is a legit concern for me. but yeah, I remember having a big fight with them and we just went our own ways and never reconciled. which is different from my actual memories.
yeah. and it's not fair.
it's alright NOT to be okay, you know. sometimes you have to be sad, or angry.
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That's a shame. I don't think I'd be in a good place if I lost my friends. Do you remember what caused it?
It isn't. I'm definitely feeling less ok. I haven't felt OK about it in a while, but I've been trying to distract myself. Thing is, in the corner of my mind, or anytime I see my Omen, I'm always thinking about her.
[At this point Tempest sided up to Luz and put her chin on the girl's shoulder].
Don't worry, you're still amazing.
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does talking about it help? because I'll listen.
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That's my struggle. I know a lot of great people here, you included, who are willing to talk to me about this. I don't have it bad, compared to someone like Bigby or Darth Maul or something. People care about me, so its selfish to bring them all
But nothing will bring her back, and its not just that she'd not here. It's that she'll never be herself anymore, the person I knew, because she'll be a regular wolf. Her going back takes everything from her.
[And knowing she'll forget everything about HER was already bad enough].
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Luz, it's not a contest. all pain is valid.
yeah. I wish I could say something that would help, but there is nothing.
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[She bit her lip a little but nodded quietly. It was true, she knew it was true, it was just hard for someone like Luz to believe, for several reasons].
I understand. Sometimes it helps to have someone hear. Even if I didn't ask for that.
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yeah.
hey. you need anything?
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I dunno. I'm still trying to work that out.
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well, if you want someone to listen, or to bring by snacks, you know how to reach me.
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Actually, if you can find me in Cassandra, bring snacks. Snacks are always appreciated.
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You like potatoes?
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You better believe it!