voice; un: BUTTMAN

[shiro2hero]

[Oh, it's a Shiro post. Clearly, this is going to be some informative speech. Important information about town, or what's going on here.]



WHO CHANGED MY NAME TO 'BUTT MAN'?


[... or not.]

[That's it. That's the post.]

Comments

voice; un: trashmouth

[measuringdicks]

Fuck, did you just find out now? You've been buttman for weeks, I was starting to think you'd decided to just keep it!

[shiro2hero]

Weeks?

You're - who changed it?!

[measuringdicks]

Fucking weeks! [He sounds so delighted.]

God, I wish it were me, but I'm not that good at hacking into shit. Might be somebody else with access to your Omni? Or you downloaded a virus that changed your name, that's possible.

[shiro2hero]

Weeks. Great. Just... perfect.

The household does, probably.

[measuringdicks]

I seriously thought you already noticed and decided to just keep it. I'd have kept it, it's a testament to the power of your ass.

So maybe start at home. Who knows, the culprit might be closer than you think.

[shiro2hero]

Richie, I would really prefer you didn't talk about my back end, please.

[You are like his son. In law. But still.]

[measuringdicks]

You're the one with the username about your butt, I'm just saying. [Pause.] You...do know how to change it back, right?

[Because if not he is going to break into hideous, unhelpful laughter and Shiro will just have to deal with that.]

And I guess you oughta be more careful where you leave your device around the house now. Y'know. So next time you don't get called, say, "Mister Fant-ass-tic" or something.

[shiro2hero]

Yes, I do.

[Maybe.]

I can't keep it on me always... last time I did that, I got a video recorded of me showering.

[measuringdicks]

Cool. Do it right now, then, it’s not like anyone’s stopping you.

[A beat.] You try sticking it in a locked cabinet so nobody gets to it, yet?

[shiro2hero]

[Give him a second - because yes, he is going to change it. So there.]

Not yet. But I will now.

[measuringdicks]

Try double-locking it so they have to waste time undoing two locks. You can catch ‘em in the act that way.

[Oh, that’s actually helpful advice!]

I have a shitload of animals, so I have to double or triple-lock a lot of cabinets. Trust me, it’ll waste so much time and drive them batshit nuts.

[shiro2hero]

Your animals can open locks?

[Shiro, that's your takeaway from this?]

[measuringdicks]

A couple of them. The rest don't have opposable thumbs, but I wouldn't be surprised if they worked together anyway.

[He pauses.]

And, seriously, is that your takeaway? That I have really smart animals?

[shiro2hero]

It was a surprise! And... a convenient distraction from my embarrassment.

[Well, at least he's being honest.]