[Text] [Anonymous]

[icanhearscreams]

[He's so alone... he needs to know that he's not on his own. But if he shows his face or admits it's him, people will pity him.]

[Thankfully, he's found the anonymous feature on the network.]

How many people have died before here?

And was it traumatic?

How do you deal with that, knowing you've died? How do you deal with the guilt and the nightmares? With the people you left behind?

I can't be alone in this.

Comments

un: yuuki

[siriusly]

You aren't.
You deal with it the same way as anything, by just moving forward
Faster or slower doesnt matter

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

How? How do you move forward?

I had plans. And then I didn't.

It's not so easy as 'just keep going'. Right?

cw suicide mention

[siriusly]

Of course its not
But youre here anyway
People have tried to stay dead and it doesnt stick here so you dont have much of a choice but to be here
And doing something is better than nothing

Text: UN: 1stStrike

[strikefirster]

Three times.
I’m basically a fucking pro at it.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
If anyone says anything they’re just being a pussy.

I mostly just drink a shit load the night I get back and it’s better the next day.

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

That's not an option for me. And I don't think I would even if I could.

It's been four days or so and I'm still having trouble with it.

[strikefirster]

Not going to lie.
That fucking sucks.

What about Karate? Have you tried that?

A good workout can help.

un: GoldenFlowers

[the_obedient_servant]

You get used to it eventually.

Pain becomes just another sensation.

Death becomes another means to an end.

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

I mean, I know death is a means to an end. I experienced that firsthand.

But what to feel about being dead? I don't know. This isn't some sort of heaven or hell, since those don't exist... but the way I died was... bad.

[the_obedient_servant]

Like I said. You'll get over it in time.

I barely remember my first death. It was awful, rest assured. I think fire was involved?

un: falcogrice

[grice]

I’m sorry you have to go through this in the first place.

You’re not alone.

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

But what do I do with it? I don't know.

[grice]

I don’t know either, but I’d like to help figure something out. Trench is like a second chance for a lot of people.

What do you like doing, usually? What did you want to do?

anonymous

[zib]

[Normally, Zib has a username, but for the sake of anonymity, he goes anon because what he's about to say is something he doesn't want his housemates seeing and asking him about later.]

I died a lot. Multiple times. But then I would somehow be alive again the next day as if nothing happened, because my timeline and universe in general was kind of a cesspool when it came to the laws of physics, of life and death, resetting and doing it's own thing whenever it felt like it. Even when the Earth got launched into the sun by an alien kicking it like a soccer ball, everything somehow just reset back to normal by the next day.

There wasn't really a whole lot you can to do to deal with it at the time other than just suck it up and hope the next death is less painful, if you're unlucky enough to have to die in some manner again. Or experience some nonsense that probably should have killed you but didn't.

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

That sounds... confusing.

And you remembered it, even if the timeline reset? That doesn't make a lot of sense...

anonymous

[zib]

Believe me, it was. I'd remember some things, even when other people didn't. But there might be some things I don't remember as well--my memories are kind of mess in general.

[Given... that he has two sets of memories belonging to two different people in his brain.]

Even when my universe finally did die for good, I never really did understand why mine specifically was that way. Or why it actually ended when it did, without things just somehow getting better like all the other crazy things that had happened before, even when I discovered the other timelines that were still moving for some other version of Earth out there. I guess I was just the unlucky one amidst all the hundreds of thousands of versions of me that exist across the multiverse.

text; un: Lothrat

[ezra_of_lothal]

I don't remember dying. But that last thing I did, back home, was leave my family behind and put myself in a situation where I knew odds were good I'd be killed.

There are other people here from where I'm from. Some of them are from further in the future, yet don't seem to know me. Given the abilities I have, and those particular individuals here have, if I were alive, it seems like that we would have found each other. So I have to assume that in the future they're from, I'd dead, or stranded somewhere very far from home.

I did what I did to protect people, and it was my choice to risk my life. Being here is a chance at more life I didn't expect or ask for.

I'd rather make good use of it than dwell on things I can't change. But know that might sound glib.

Letting go is hard.

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

From your future? That's... strange.

I did what I had to in order to protect people too. I wasn't originally supposed to pilot.

... But I killed a lot of people in the process. We all did, but I had to individually...

Re: anonymous

[ezra_of_lothal]

It is strange, but I'm sort of used to it. There's a whole group of us from the region of space I'm from. And those of us who have been here the longest, they're from about the time that I was *born*.

You came from a war?

Video | un: notbatman

[saltyadam]

[Adam hesitates before responding. Outside of his family he hasn't talked about this much.]

I died just before arriving here. If I leave this place I stop existing, as I understand it.

I'm fortunate in that I've had the opportunity to speak with the ones I left behind, but the trauma?

[He sucks a breath in through his teeth.]

Are you familiar with the ball in a box theory of grief?

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

I guess I stop existing if I leave here. I have nowhere else to go.

I'm not, no.

[saltyadam]

Neither do I.

[Adam licks his lips.]

Imsgine a small box with a button inside. When pressed, grief is triggered. Inside that box is a ball that constantly bounces from wall to wall. The ball could be memories, a certain time of year, or any number of other things that risk setting off that grief.

At first the button is pressed constantly. The box is so small and the memories are so fresh, you can't help it. As time goes on the box gets a bit bigger. New memories, new experiences, or just the passage of time makes it so that button is pressed less and less often.

I never liked the thought that time dulls the pain of the thing. It doesn't. It hurts every time. But those times become less frequent, padded by what's filled your life after.

And that's how I deal with my grief and guilt over it. Understanding that to some extent it will always be there and trying to make the most of my ... extension, as it is.

un; idoloflove

[loveandduty]

My situation was slightly different back home in that I did die, but before I went to the last place I was I guess brought back to life.

[It's complicated overall, but technically she had been dead till just before she came to the last place.]

So I am technically not dead, but at the same time I still have to be reminded daily that I died, which is of course pretty traumatic. But people have brought up good advice about how to deal with it. I personally am a take it one day at a time kinda gal. as you make friends here you will find those you can talk to.

Will it ever fully go away, probably not. But it will become a little bit better.

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

'Friends'. That's assuming I can make any. I'm not very good at that sort of thing.

I'm not sure how it can get easier, but I'm only a few days out from dying, I guess.

text | un: valravn (please excuse how late this is)

[warminded]

More times than I can count. I expect it's always traumatic at first. But it's different when you know you won't stay dead.

I think I'm not the best to answer your other questions.

[Because he has died his Final Death, and if there's a way to deal with the guilt and the nightmares he hasn't found it yet.]

anonymous

[icanhearscreams]

I was prepared to die. I was ready for it.

I didn't know I wasn't going to stay dead...