deernet | video; un: taka

[ While he's trying his best to keep up his usual even, monotone façade, anyone who pays attention to detail will notice that Sasuke's looking a little more on edge. Maybe disoriented, even.

He clears his throat slightly before speaking. ]

For those who have been learning taijutsu, ninjutsu, and genjutsu, I may need to put lessons on hold temporarily. I've been having... memory lapses and apologize to those who may have come to the dojo and waited for nothing.

I will pick up lessons and take on any interested new students once I feel more like myself.

[ He frowns, his hand reaching up to rub at his temple, the way one does when they're getting a headache behind their eyes. ]

Unrelated: if I'm understanding the timeline correctly, those of us who have been here the longest would be coming up around a year in this place. Given the influences of the moons and seasons leaving the possibility for repetition, what sort of things were happening this time last year? What should those of us who arrived after be prepared for?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'd say it's better than losing my sight, but I can't figure out which is actually worse.

Any of it. All of it. It's scary to think that our minds aren't completely our own. I have so many memories, good and bad, that I wouldn't want to lose.

Memories are what makes us who we are. There are memories I wish I didn't have, but I wouldn't choose to lose them. Who knows how it would change me.

[somewhat reluctantly] I know. I know you do. But Cassie--my older sister? It's different. She's so beautiful that everyone, from our parents to our uncles to our classmates all notice. But I don't think it makes her happy.

And I'm. Too tall, too scrawny, too boring Lexi.

And your memories are way more intense than mine are.

Being beautiful is worthless. All it means is you were lucky enough to be born with your features in the proportions others have deemed aesthetically pleasing. It wouldn't make anyone happy.

You are dedicated and strong and intelligent. These are far more valuable than beauty. You shouldn't talk about yourself so despairingly or you'll only continue to think of yourself as unworthy in comparison when there should be no comparison at all.

Memories, intense or otherwise, are all important. The simple ones I have make up who I am as much as the death of my family.

...it sure doesn't make Cassie happy.

[and Sasuke's words hit her like a mallet made of Silly Putty. it takes her a moment to get her bearings again]

I. Yeah. You're right. I know you're right. It's just...for so long, it was the two of us. The Howard sisters. And everyone made it really clear which one was the favorite. I'm doing my best to leave that behind, to build an identity for myself outside of that, but I keep expecting her to wash up on shore one month. And then what?

...you're, um. Kind of an inspiration. Just saying.

This place is not like your home. The people here are not the same as those you knew before. If she shows up here, it will not change the reputation you've already established for yourself with those you care for. That is what matters and that is what you focus on.

... Mmph. I just have experience. I've caused too much pain in life to be worth calling inspirational.

...oh. Okay. This is probably gonna sound dumb, but I've never had anyone put it to me that way. That the me who is here is the me who matters because that's the one everyone's dealing with.

Yeah, and so have a lot of inspirational people. If you want me to, I can go down a laundry list of Earth's heroes and their screw ups. Your world probably has similar lists.

It doesn't sound dumb.

[ He's quiet for a moment, debating on honesty, before he finally sighs. ]

At home, my last few years have been spent needing to realize that we have to keep our minds in the present, focus on who we are today rather than who were yesterday. I've been trying to... redeem myself. My "screw ups" were far larger than most and it's left me with the reputation of being dangerous and untrustworthy. I was nearly executed for my crimes. But all I can do at home is present who I am now, who I hope to be tomorrow.

Here, where no one knows my misdeeds, I'm offered even more freedom from that. As you are from living in your sister's shadow. Don't waste it tearing yourself down.

[sounding surprised] Oh. Really? Cool.

[and it takes her a moment or ten to digest all of what he's saying.

when he does, she sounds choked up (but in a good way! kind of! in the way that she's going to have to mull over for weeks!)]

I--I won't.

[she takes a deep breath]

My...bookstore opens later this month. I hope to see you there. So I can introduce you to Luz. And to spend time with you in general, 'cause we're friends.

[ He offers her a gentle smile, nodding. ]

I'll try to be there. Hopefully this place won't keep me from it.

[she smiles back warmly]

Well, even if it does, it's gonna be there. You'll be welcome whenever.

video; un: taka

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(CW: drugs, addiction, and WAY too many creepy uncles)

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