Lysithea von Ordelia (
notimeforfailure) wrote in
deernet2021-09-30 08:49 pm
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video, un:charon
Good evening, all. I think this is what is termed a 'bandwagon.' However, as I imagine we will all be busy dead, dying, or in the process of resurrecting soon, I thought I had better commit before October.
I'm opening a bakery and sweets shop.
[Lysithea pans the camera to a table that is covered with pans filled with dozens of buns, cakes, and confections of different colors. It really looks extremely well done. One would imagine that Lysithea applies herself with the same intensity to any task she undertakes.]
Everything will be sourced from traditional Fódlan desserts, passed down through family histories and collected by hand in this book. I've realized that if I'm not the one who makes these treats, I'm... never going to taste them again. So I thought I should share.
[The view changes to an enormous tome currently open to a page titled Saghert and Cream in script prominently displaying a luscious picture of some kind of fruit and cream concoction. It really looks like this was drawn by hand.]
I'm baking from my room for now. If you want anything here, you can drop by or I'll bring it over. If you want delivery, you've got to get at least a dozen, because frankly, I'm not running all over town to give you one sweet bun. I'll open a proper location when it's not Death Month.
...Thanks.
[She signs off after a moment's awkward hesitation, as if she's not sure what to do next.]
[video pt 2, ten minutes later]
It's -- me again. Upon further reflection, I have no idea how to run a business, at all, apart from the portion where you confidently declare it in public.
I would... appreciate advice.
And help. If you are willing to be paid in cake.
I'm opening a bakery and sweets shop.
[Lysithea pans the camera to a table that is covered with pans filled with dozens of buns, cakes, and confections of different colors. It really looks extremely well done. One would imagine that Lysithea applies herself with the same intensity to any task she undertakes.]
Everything will be sourced from traditional Fódlan desserts, passed down through family histories and collected by hand in this book. I've realized that if I'm not the one who makes these treats, I'm... never going to taste them again. So I thought I should share.
[The view changes to an enormous tome currently open to a page titled Saghert and Cream in script prominently displaying a luscious picture of some kind of fruit and cream concoction. It really looks like this was drawn by hand.]
I'm baking from my room for now. If you want anything here, you can drop by or I'll bring it over. If you want delivery, you've got to get at least a dozen, because frankly, I'm not running all over town to give you one sweet bun. I'll open a proper location when it's not Death Month.
...Thanks.
[She signs off after a moment's awkward hesitation, as if she's not sure what to do next.]
[video pt 2, ten minutes later]
It's -- me again. Upon further reflection, I have no idea how to run a business, at all, apart from the portion where you confidently declare it in public.
I would... appreciate advice.
And help. If you are willing to be paid in cake.
no subject
[The omni finally rights itself to show Break mostly onscreen, in his pajamas and half out of a blanketfort, making a face like he has just been caught. They are both embarrassed now.]
I see that I have pushed a button. Mm, but -- that's really great, right? To decide to do such a thing, and then...be able to...?
no subject
[Don't try to shame her!!! ...Wait, is that what was happening? Lysithea turns redder - not that Break can see.]
I came to this decision after careful deliberation over all pertinent information. I... have determined this is the best path forward for me.
Would you like one dozen or two? Perhaps extra for Balthus to pretend to nibble on?
[She says, overly aggressively.]
no subject
[This answer is immediate, because it is obvious. Well, if he was going to end up having a conversation when he was just trying to eavesdrop on the network, at least he is getting baked goods out of it.]
Baltus is content, however. We've found pumpkins are excellent for chewing when one has many sharp teeth. [A pause.] Then, how shall I return the favor?
no subject
Wonderful.
Two dozen will get you an even sampling of each of the products. I'll throw in an extra cinnamon roll for chewing.
[pumpkins are not sweet
therefore
worthless food items]
What do you have to offer? Failing all else, you can assist with the operations of the business. But I'll also accept gems and crystals, clothes, research into magic and arcane knowledge, other food items...
no subject
[Says the slender, dainty, elegant fellow who likes to have baubles on his cravat. Trust him. He can totally carry all of the groceries inside in only one trip.]
Mm, but -- my household has taken to collecting gems and things for bartering with, so that bit should never be any trouble. I wonder, however, if you might be interested in a more longterm deal...?
no subject
[Lysithea responds with a slightly raised eyebrow.]
By longterm deal, you mean you want a regular supply of sweets?
[And here, the overly self-conscious, insensitive and caught-up-in-herself mage girl finally... listens to what Xerxes has been saying this whole time. This man... this man who carries around hard candies, knows the best cake shop in town after one day, and only cares to respond on the network to things involving sweets...]
You're as much of a sweets fiend as I am.
no subject
That goes without saying. I'll be after a regular supply regardless of whether this offer suits you, so never you worry about that.
[Break is a bottomless pit. The more resources he has, the happier he is, and he won't be offended a bit if her preference is to shove baked goods in his face and shoo him out the door.]
I, too, have an idea now of how I ought to spend my time in this place. Having found myself the sole guardian of four teenagers who are all either useless nobility or never knew a true home at all -- I need to learn my way around a kitchen.
no subject
[says Lysithea, who has very little sympathy for useless nobility, being one herself]
But are you saying you want to work for me? Or that you want me to teach you how to bake? I have to be honest: my cooking leaves much to be wanted in comparison to my baking.
[only one of these activities satisfies her inner hedonism]
no subject
I have already enjoyed a full life of my own -- and, with so many fighters here stronger and in possession of more interesting skills than I, there's no need to worry I'm not doing my part against all the monsters and things if I retire. Since that's the case, giving these kids the opportunity to simply be kids who have a safe place to come home to is what suits me best of all.
[It's the first time he's verbalized this, but the wheels in his head have been surging in this direction since he was kidnapped by a flock of ravens, tossed into a boat with a relative stranger, and forced to use illusions of corpses as inspiration to bat around painful secrets. The discovery of just how horribly Trench is going to wind up hurting the kids has shown him what his real fight is, now. He's the only one of the lot who has ever known a truly loving home. The kindest thing he can do for them is to recreate it, and he's woefully unprepared.]
I imagine it's a troublesome thing, to teach a blind man to bake, and there will turn out to be things I simply must have an extra set of eyes about for. I'm bothering several people about it, so that I can learn as many different kitchen things as possible. However, I'm certainly capable of handling the washing up for you in return, and likely a few other annoying chores as well.
[Baltus chooses this moment to leap back onto the bed behind him and drape his head over Break's shoulder, the better to put his entire long face back into the frame with the small pumpkin he has indeed been chewing on hanging out of his mouth. Look, Lysithea! Here is Baltus's current pumpkin, and given the tooth marks shredding the sides of it, he has been enjoying it very much.]
...I would, of course, have this one with me. Every time.
no subject
Although... 'full life'. This guy looks like he's like... thirty.]
Far be it for me to question a purpose that you've determined for yourself. I simply warn that I can't guarantee results. I am an accomplished mage by training, a gremory and master of spellcraft - not a professional baker.
If you tie your training with me, we'll learn to walk this path together.
[a pause
lysithea feels her fingers itch to reach through the video]
Your strong incentivization is noted.
no subject
[He pauses to (lovingly) shove his omen out of his face.]
If it doesn't work out, that's quite alright. Just so long as someone is making sweets for me to eat in the end.
[The youthful facade is a swiftly fading magical lie. He just turned forty like. Right now, actually. That's like a hundred and twelve in Break years and he will complain.]
no subject
How about you use that sword to etch designs in chocolate?
But I understand your desires. When would you like to begin this... training?
no subject
[He's not stupid enough to try to use a sword in the kitchen. Incidentally, once things really get going, Break will prove to be immediately great with a similarly violent kitchen tool: the rolling pin. A couple of wooden slats on either side of the dough to help him keep the thickness even, and he'll be the quickest and most efficient croissant lamination machine she's ever encountered.
It's the little things.]
That, I'll leave up to you. As I've only just begun acquiring teachers, my schedule is still open as of yet, and -- I'm not the one learning to run a whole business just this second.
no subject
How are you at getting good bargains for valuable commodities? I need to start tempting the merchants and the dock workers with pies.
[Lysithea, for all that she claims to know nothing, tends to have a lot of ideas swirling around in that head at any given moment.]
no subject
Oh, I'm wonderful at that! In this place, I've had great luck pulling the "dotty old blind man" shtick, but I can shmooze with aristocrats and pubcrawlers and everything in between.
[Is she seriously going to pay him in sweets and kitchen knowledge to go bother people??? She is his new favorite now, he's definitely keeping her.]
no subject
I think this will work out.
[Lysithea gives a nod.]
Then -- I loitered around the docks interrogating people long enough to know that there's a shipment of cinnamon arriving in two days on a boat called the The Stygian Deep. Your job is to speak with the merchant and get me as much of that cinnamon as possible.
[...]
Within reason, I mean, I don't need an entire crateful or anything.
Watch out for thieves. The area isn't very safe. You're sure you can handle this? I don't want to send you somewhere you'll be robbed blind.
[oops bad phrasing]
no subject
[Because of course he caught that. Bonus points because the whole reason Break is down an eyeball is that someone freaking stole it --]
Don't worry, don't worry. I may be a decrepit old squid now, but I could handle petty thieves in my sleep. You hear that, Baltus? The Stygian Deep, remember that.
no subject
[whoops]
Yes. My apologies. Robbed... [...why are there no other turns of phrase] a great deal... [she finishes, feeling stupid]
I look forward to your success, though. Why don't you bring over the cinnamon when you're done, and we'll make that your official start day?
no subject
[A profitable first foray onto the network for one Xerxes Break. Fast forward a couple days and he does indeed turn up with two rather hefty well-sealed jars of ground cinnamon, which should last some while even with Lysithea baking in bulk -- and a small pile vanilla beans which he has been assured you can steep in booze to make baking things with, and a cute pan that will produce wee cakelets shaped like autumn leaves and acorns which amused him very much. His vague answers as to how the hell he managed this imply that he may have gotten himself involved in some sort of baking mafia, and also that his cane has a sword in it. He also has a scrap of paper upon which is written a half-remembered recipe for some dock worker's grandmother's snickerdoodles, which comes with a promise that if Lysithea is able to perfect it, she will know any and all details about relevant shipments a solid week in advance.
Break enjoys quests, and also winning at them. A happy ending for all...!]
no subject
[Lysithea turns the cake pan over in her hands a few times, holding it up towards the light as if it will reveal some sort of hidden secret.]
How did you... Hm.
I foresee a profitable partnership in our future, Mr. Xerxes Break. And Balthus. [Balthus is slipped a cookie absentmindedly. This might happen multiple times over the course of his visit today.] Well, this is more than sufficient. Let's begin your education, then.
[The cinnamon and vanilla is carefully put away, and Lysithea clears space to allow for enough room for a blind man to experiment as he pleases. She is, despite some rough edges to her personality, an excellent teacher. Far more patient than she is in everyday affairs and capable of giving clear and comprehensive instruction. There isn't much need for swords in baking, but Break will spend an afternoon honing his artistry with a mixer, a sifter, and a rolling pin instead. By the end, he might, perhaps, feel marginally more comfortable navigating a kitchen. He will feel very comfortable hitting things with rolling pins.
Happy endings indeed.]