(TEXT) — UN: BOMBSHELL

[opheliac]

hiya!! so i just finished my house. im now living alone and drinking a nice cool beverage. aka bottle of wine.
rly living the good life.

SO
then i thought since im feeling prtty good. why not offer my services to all of u poor saps?
now READ CAREFULLY!!!

this is a ONE TIME OFFER from me to u. an engerinner like myself needs to fix things and solve probs. thats just waht we do. if we dont we will go bonkers and u dont want to see me go there. 🤣🤣🤣

oh and this is free of charge btw. wild right? im just feelin THAT generous.

or drunk.

anyway.

u got a prob? ill give u my advice. itll be 1000000000% honest the truth and all truths.

u can be anonymous to hide ur shame or not. CHOICE IS URS! 🐵💥🦈

Comments

text; un: lady

[dohaeris]

Someone has stolen my bottle of wine.

It's all right, though; I couldn't taste it anyway. Do you think perhaps you could solve that problem?

[opheliac]

WELL. what u do w/ that is stop being stupid and NOT put it somewhere where ppl can get it?
DUH.

but if u cant taste it why would u care anyway? itll be put to waste.

SO. advice time. if u cant taste stuff give it to ppl who can.

[dohaeris]

I've learned my lesson. I will be more careful in leaving out things I don't need for other people.

Do you have any advice, though, for tasting food? It's horrible when you can't, and you still get hungry.

un: Oracle, text

[adaine]

Can I come see your house?

Text UN: ClickClickBloom

[onekindsoul]

Wait- You're an enginimeer too?
Me too!
That's so cool!
What sort of things do you fix?

[opheliac]

have u tried spicy stuff? b/c if THAT doesnt knock ur taste back into place idk what will.

[opheliac]

one house pic coming right up!!

(it'll be a few moments until she gets another message. and the next one she will receive is an image attachment of her said house. )

[opheliac]

pretty much anything!
i make guns and bombs for a living
so prob anything electronic.

text | un: sds

[fogsong]

You're giving drunk advice. That couldn't possibly go wrong for anyone but okay, I'll bite.

I've been sleeping like shit the last two months. You got any advice that'll help me out?

[opheliac]

ok hear me out.
have u tried drinking?
b/c that puts me to sleep.

[dohaeris]

Like peppers?

I'm afraid it may take something magic to knock it back into place. Anyway, it won't last any longer than a week.

[sansa did spend the previous week walking around white-eyed with a blue-eyed raven on her shoulder.]

[fogsong]

It doesn't usually knock me the fuck out. Plus, I drink for fun.

[opheliac]

listen to me.
if the last drop taught me ANYTHING
is most probs can be solved w/ drinking.

u got a headache? drink
ure scared about smth? drink
u got a stomach ache? drink
cant sleep? drink
got into an argument w/ someone? drink

itll all go away once the buzz comes

[opheliac]

wellllll then my OTHER advice is
next time take better care of ur taste buds
u prob didnt feed it the right food
so now its pissed at u and ran off to be w/ someone else.

(what.)

[fogsong]

[ that is not healthy, jinx!!! ] I like getting drunk, Jinx, but it's never solved a single one of my problems. It just puts them on a soft pause and then I end up feeling worse than I did before I got stupid drunk.

[dohaeris]

Or it's the curse all Palebloods have this month. I could share the eyes and ears of Lady and the ravens, but I can't have anybody taste my food for me.

But speaking of running off, Gucci misses you. She keeps scratching at your door.

[opheliac]

huh? why? i thought guuci would like to be around lady more than me.

[opheliac]

what about sleeping meds?

text | un: duty | private

[martyrofduty]

Cuddles.

[Text] un: QueenCobra

[abornfighter]

it's like you're a wine aunt except without having nieces and nephews.

<ren>

[dyaddyissues]

You seem like exactly the right person to ask for advice on anything.

[Text] username: secondtolast

[icanhearscreams]

Jinx go to sleep, you're drunk.

[opheliac]

arent u 5?
u go to bed. its late.

[opheliac]

thnx!!
so u got anything u need advice on?
im all ears
well
eyes. i'm all eyes. 👀

[opheliac]

ALL OF U ARE MY CHILDREN!!!!
ill guide all of u to the right path to idk
fun and no dum.