(TEXT) — UN: BOMBSHELL

[opheliac]

hiya!! so i just finished my house. im now living alone and drinking a nice cool beverage. aka bottle of wine.
rly living the good life.

SO
then i thought since im feeling prtty good. why not offer my services to all of u poor saps?
now READ CAREFULLY!!!

this is a ONE TIME OFFER from me to u. an engerinner like myself needs to fix things and solve probs. thats just waht we do. if we dont we will go bonkers and u dont want to see me go there. 🤣🤣🤣

oh and this is free of charge btw. wild right? im just feelin THAT generous.

or drunk.

anyway.

u got a prob? ill give u my advice. itll be 1000000000% honest the truth and all truths.

u can be anonymous to hide ur shame or not. CHOICE IS URS! 🐵💥🦈

Comments

text; un: lady

[dohaeris]

Someone has stolen my bottle of wine.

It's all right, though; I couldn't taste it anyway. Do you think perhaps you could solve that problem?

[opheliac]

WELL. what u do w/ that is stop being stupid and NOT put it somewhere where ppl can get it?
DUH.

but if u cant taste it why would u care anyway? itll be put to waste.

SO. advice time. if u cant taste stuff give it to ppl who can.

un: Oracle, text

[adaine]

Can I come see your house?

[opheliac]

one house pic coming right up!!

(it'll be a few moments until she gets another message. and the next one she will receive is an image attachment of her said house. )

Text UN: ClickClickBloom

[onekindsoul]

Wait- You're an enginimeer too?
Me too!
That's so cool!
What sort of things do you fix?

[opheliac]

pretty much anything!
i make guns and bombs for a living
so prob anything electronic.

text | un: sds

[fogsong]

You're giving drunk advice. That couldn't possibly go wrong for anyone but okay, I'll bite.

I've been sleeping like shit the last two months. You got any advice that'll help me out?

[opheliac]

ok hear me out.
have u tried drinking?
b/c that puts me to sleep.

text | un: duty | private

[martyrofduty]

Cuddles.

[Text] un: QueenCobra

[abornfighter]

it's like you're a wine aunt except without having nieces and nephews.

[opheliac]

ALL OF U ARE MY CHILDREN!!!!
ill guide all of u to the right path to idk
fun and no dum.

<ren>

[dyaddyissues]

You seem like exactly the right person to ask for advice on anything.

[opheliac]

thnx!!
so u got anything u need advice on?
im all ears
well
eyes. i'm all eyes. 👀

[Text] username: secondtolast

[icanhearscreams]

Jinx go to sleep, you're drunk.

[opheliac]

arent u 5?
u go to bed. its late.

( text | un: alucard )

[ananym]

Aren't you being generous?

[opheliac]

i know i know. im just too sweet!

text; un: clarke

[romancekiller]

Wouldn't it be better to give advice when you're not drunk?

[opheliac]

my drunk has no effect on my decisions.

un: inkmetal

[inkedspell]

My dish ran away with the spoon and the cow was in on it. What do I do?

[She couldn't help it.]

[opheliac]

booby trap them.
show them whose boss!

un: gamemaster

[chessboardturn]

where'd you build a house out here?

[opheliac]

squiidddd buddy 💥💥
on top of another house
cool right?

text; suckmyodangos

[bleedformeplz]

ttly drunk jinxy bby.
thats okay.
look at my gear plz.

[opheliac]

jinxy bb?
this is the 2nd time ure being flirty w/ me
got smth on ur mind?

what gear?

text | un: sharpshooter

[azurestar]

[Someone is also drinking. But that's just his default usually.]

totally awesome life choices. im toasting. what kinda wine?

and my best bro was an engineer, maaayebeee that's why he walked back inta th ocean

couldnt solve the enstigma that was yours truly and went nutso

sooo i guess my prob im gonna ask you to solve isss… how do you save ppl from doin that?

[opheliac]

uh. i forgot what was i drinking. bottle went GOODBYE in the trash
save ppl from going back to squid? am i reading that right?

Text; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

Best solution for dealing with annoying and/or people that insult you that ISN'T murder?

[He can't help it, he wants to see what her alcohol-soaked little brain can come up with as a solution.]

[opheliac]

two words.
prank them.

another two words.
booby traps.

text, un: v

[mehanizovati]

Ah, I wasn't aware engineers are also capable of life coaching. I think I may be missing important internal memos on the matter.

[opheliac]

?? are u an engineer too?
if u are then DUH. u should know.
ure not a v. good one if u dont know.

(funny for her to talk smack to the one who helped jayce with the hextech. she'll be eating her words once she figures that out.)