(TEXT) — UN: BOMBSHELL

[opheliac]

hiya!! so i just finished my house. im now living alone and drinking a nice cool beverage. aka bottle of wine.
rly living the good life.

SO
then i thought since im feeling prtty good. why not offer my services to all of u poor saps?
now READ CAREFULLY!!!

this is a ONE TIME OFFER from me to u. an engerinner like myself needs to fix things and solve probs. thats just waht we do. if we dont we will go bonkers and u dont want to see me go there. 🤣🤣🤣

oh and this is free of charge btw. wild right? im just feelin THAT generous.

or drunk.

anyway.

u got a prob? ill give u my advice. itll be 1000000000% honest the truth and all truths.

u can be anonymous to hide ur shame or not. CHOICE IS URS! 🐵💥🦈

Comments

[opheliac]

so u DONT got a hunk who wears u out to help u sleep? 😏

[fogsong]

Fuck no.

[opheliac]

have u considered maaaaaybe u should?

[fogsong]

Not even once, Jinx. I'm not much of a touchy-feely kind of gal.

[opheliac]

yeaaaahhh. im not into the lovey dovey stuff either.
unless theres hard-core make out and other stuff, sure.

[fogsong]

Honestly, I've never made out with someone before. I've only been kissed once in my life. [ she's not ashamed or embarrassed by the fact. it's just how it is. her life didn't have room for romance and kisses and sweet things. ]

[opheliac]

i never made out either but i bet its fun!

[fogsong]

If you ever find someone to lock lips with in this horror town, lemme know if it's as fun as you think.

[opheliac]

ill let u know by the weekend. b/c who WOULDNT wanna lock lips with me? 😉

[fogsong]

Good luck with that, Jinx. Try not to pick someone Vi would disapprove of!

[opheliac]

hahahahahah yea like FAT HANDS can control what i do or who im with hahahahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[fogsong]

LMFAO Goddamn I don't think her hands are fat.

And it was less about control and more about... You know, making sure you're locking lips with someone who isn't gonna be a dick to you. I bet that's something she wouldn't approve of.

[opheliac]

def look at them next time.
BIG MEATY HANDS.👊👊


newsflash i can handle any person who will be a dick to me. ill just tie them up to a ceiling and leave them there for a week. give them a nice time out.

pro tip: desperation is a fun thing to watch.

[fogsong]

Just because you can handle it doesn't mean your sister won't give a shit about it.

But also: do you tie a lot of people up to the ceiling and leave them there?

[opheliac]

i dont need my sis fighting my fights for me. esp when i have a GUN.
more efficient than fingers

when they put me in a good mood, yea.

[fogsong]

That's you in a good mood? What do you do when someone pisses you off?

[opheliac]

ever wondered how HIGH a person's voice goes when they're on fire?

[fogsong]

I've got experience. [ she doesn't need to wonder ]

I will avoid pissing you off.

[opheliac]

dont worry its p. easy to NOT piss me off!
juuuuuust dont get in my way when im doing stuff.
see? easy.

[fogsong]

Oh shit, you're right. Easy peasy.

[opheliac]

Super! Hello, I'm Mr. Bananas. Jinx got tired.

[fogsong]

Your name is Mr. Bananas? That's cute. I'm guessing you're the omen?

[opheliac]

Yes, I am! I'm a monkey if you... couldn't tell by the name!
Anyway, I want to take this time to say thank you for being Jinx's friend.
Or well. Maybe that's a hard word to say since the two of you are still getting to know each other.
But it's very helpful for her to meet people and gain trust!

[fogsong]

I've been in a similar place as Jinx. I know how important it is to have people you can trust so I'm happy to try and be that to her.

[opheliac]

I'm just grateful you didn't become a target! I was nervous.