(TEXT) — UN: BOMBSHELL

[opheliac]

hiya!! so i just finished my house. im now living alone and drinking a nice cool beverage. aka bottle of wine.
rly living the good life.

SO
then i thought since im feeling prtty good. why not offer my services to all of u poor saps?
now READ CAREFULLY!!!

this is a ONE TIME OFFER from me to u. an engerinner like myself needs to fix things and solve probs. thats just waht we do. if we dont we will go bonkers and u dont want to see me go there. 🤣🤣🤣

oh and this is free of charge btw. wild right? im just feelin THAT generous.

or drunk.

anyway.

u got a prob? ill give u my advice. itll be 1000000000% honest the truth and all truths.

u can be anonymous to hide ur shame or not. CHOICE IS URS! 🐵💥🦈

Comments

[icanhearscreams]

That's where you come from, right?

[opheliac]

bang bang BINGO!

[icanhearscreams]

Japan doesn't exist in your world, does it?

[opheliac]

whats japan?

[icanhearscreams]

It's a country. It's a bunch of islands.

[opheliac]

are there fun ppl in japan? or all have noodle arms like u?

[icanhearscreams]

No, there's all sorts of people. I just happen to be the skinny nerd type - there's plenty of jocks. I was friends with a guy who played soccer a lot, for instance.

[opheliac]

whats soccer?

[icanhearscreams]

It's a ball game where you kick the ball with your feet.

[opheliac]

wow. that sounds. rly rly rllllllllly boring.
do ppl at least fight in this?

[icanhearscreams]

Not everything has to have fighting in it.

[opheliac]

yes it does.

[icanhearscreams]

I mean there's wrestling and sumo which is like fighting, I guess. If you start fighting in soccer you get kicked out of the game.

[opheliac]

Hello, sorry! My name is Mr.Bananas. And Jinx got tired of typing so I am doing it for her. Nice to meet you.
Anyway.

She said,"That's a dumb rule. They should change it and then maybe it will be more exciting."

[icanhearscreams]

Who the heck are you?

... Also no, it's already dangerous enough. But then again I don't really care for sports at all.

[opheliac]

Jinx's omen! I'm a spider monkey so typing is very easy for me.

She says "If there was no bloody nose or teeth bring rearrange, she wouldn't care either."

[icanhearscreams]

Uh, okay then. Didn't know you could talk. Mine doesn't.

Yeah, well. I think we have different ideas about entertainment.

[opheliac]

It doesn't talk? Oh no!! That makes me a little sad.
But I'm sure they're a very good listener when you chat with them.

[icanhearscreams]

Maybe he just prefers not to.

He does listen... and sit on me when I'm upset. Which is a little painful since he's so big.

[opheliac]

Tell him to shrink down!!
What a silly thing
Or can he not?

[icanhearscreams]

Maybe he just doesn't want to.

He's kind of like a weighted blanket in some cases I guess.

[opheliac]

OH! Those are very nice, I've heard.

[icanhearscreams]

Apparently. He likes to get in my space a lot. I guess he really likes affection.

[opheliac]

Affection DOES go a long way you know.

[icanhearscreams]

I'm not really fond of affection myself.