deernet | Video; UN: Spider-Man

Hey, everyone! Spider-Man here — AKA your favorite Peter! Sorry to all the other Peters, but them's just the breaks. I've worked too hard the last three years around here to not get top-billed spot as Peter! ... Alright, alright, maybe I'll share with Peter Graham. But only because he's as old and tired as me. We're like a thousand years old in spirit, right? Right. The Peter Pack old boys.

Anyway, I used to give people informational packets, back when we lived in, uh... Deerington. You know, in Maine? You remember that old chestnut? Yeah, me too. Lucky me, my house and lab came with me! A little less furbished, but I do what I can. I'll be starting up my new job as a teacher here at the school soon, because old habits die hard, but I suppose I don't mind doing some teaching outside of the school, too, sooooo...

If you wanna know anything about the world that existed before Trench, I can answer questions as best I can. You guys all deserve that. And, uh. If it helps — I've attached a copy of the PPPP(S). Yup, that's right! The original! The O.G., as the hip kids call it.

[FILE ATTACHED.]

Super sorry if anything's confusing; I can fill out any of the weird blanks or things that don't quite make sense. And for everyone who doesn't need this info because they swam their little squid tuckuses behind me.... Hey! How's it going! Tell me a good joke, if you've got one. Let me know how you're settling while you're at it. I've been pretty good, personally. Lots of fighting, y'know. Creepy monsters away from the outskirts of town.

So basically nothing's changed.

Well, nothing other than the month, I guess! Wow, wait, is it already a new month? Can't believe...

[He trails off, and seems to realize, belatedly, loudly, and with great concern:]

OH NO, NOT OCTOBER!

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[He'll just... watch that bubble for a while. Patiently.

After a few beats of time, Peter figures he'll go first.]

Mike?
You there?

[... Maybe he should just rudely appear at Mike's house, if the kid's too nervous to talk.

What better way to get this over with for you, little lanky dude?]

[Oh shit.]

yeah
why

[What better way to deal with a conversation you didn't want to have than by pretending you weren't planning on having it in the first place? Feign ignorance!]

[... He's gonna just slowly swing his way toward Mike's place.]

Oh, y'know. Saw some dots on my phone. Just wondering.
You doing okay?

oh whoops that was an accident
yeah i'm great

[Wow you already just know where he lives? Weirdo.]

[He knows everything, Michael.

Yeah, he's a weirdo.

But also, he'd be a really shitty superhero if he wasn't checking on how Mike and his leg has been doing. So instead of replying to that super obvious lie, he just swings over in like no time at all, just so he can poke his head out next to the front window of Mike's home, and says in person:]

You sure you're good? It seemed like you wanted to talk!

[Mike, who has been painstakingly chewing his fingernails in a dining room chair, nearly startles right out of it at the voice from outside the picture window.]

What the fuck, dude! [His language has only worsened since May and you can't do anything about it, Pee Pee Parker.] How do you know where I live?

[For the most part, he looks just like the boy Peter last saw in the rubble of the pharmacy. His hair's a tad less feral, and after nine months of being fed well back in Indiana, the gaunt pall of malnourishment is gone. The only hint that anything's different is in the shoddy, wooden crutch propped against the table.]

I swing around all day, I see where people go!

[God, you all think you're so covert; you don't even try! That said, he politely just hangs there upside down, like a vampire waiting to be let in.]

And you didn't answer my very important question.

[The scowl deepens, but Mike is already shoving to his feet, one hand braced on the table as he reaches for the crutch. It clunks unevenly on the floor as he hobbles over to the window and unlatches the pane, making room for Peter to climb through.]

I'm fine. This doctor guy put pins in it and it barely even hurts anymore.

[Two lies and a truth.]

It just- healed weird, or something. I don't know.

Yeah? Have you been checking up with this 'doctor' since you showed up here?

[He opts to not crouch down and study Mike's leg. Yet.]

Got pain medication for it, too? If it healed weird, it could probably get another look-over, kiddo.

[Is this him, not bringing up the fact that the last time they saw each other, Peter had handed him over to Miles before crumbling away into a purple fog? Yeah, it is.]

[A shame-faced grimace, like he knows he's in trouble but is determined on being angry about it. Not that he'd truly be in trouble for his bad turn of luck, of course, but try telling an anxious, moody, self-loathing teenager that.]

He's not here anymore. And my meds got left in Deerington.

[It didn't really seem important to bring them, when he thought even his broken leg would get erased. Which it did, for awhile, but...]

We went home, to Indiana. I guess- the dream magic messed with it, or something. Like the nine months I was there, it was like it never happened, and then- [He gestures to his leg, frustrated.] Like it healed while I was there, but wrong.

[Spider-Man stands there, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.]

... Alright. I'll work on getting you some of those meds, then.

You remember exactly what he prescribed?

[If not, Peter's a smart boy. He'll get something proper for the pain, no problem. Either way, he's not here to scold or get pissy for Mike's lack of care for his own comfort; he'd be a raging hypocrite, as we all know.]

Perc-something.

[Sorry, Pete. He was too distracted by being bed-bound during the literal end of the world to pay much attention to what was actually written on the label.]

And then this other stuff 'cause the pain ones made me puke.

Percocet? Alright, god it.

I'm not exactly that kind of scientist, but there's gotta be some alternatives I can run into around here.

[This is now his focus for the rest of October, Mike, thank you.]

... The better solution would be finding you a doctor.

[Mike purses his lips, clearly debating with himself for a few moments, before a sheepish question makes its way out.]

Are they gonna have to re-break my leg? Isn't that what they do when it grows back wrong?

[His information is coming entirely from fiction, most of which is set in pseudo-medieval worlds without any form of real healthcare, but it makes sense. There's no fixing something that's stitched together wrong, down to its fiber, not without starting fresh.]

[After a moment, Spider-Man pulls up his mask, revealing (1) Peter Parker — with both eyes this time! What a relief, huh? Good to have two of those. The expression he offers Mike is patient and hopefully placating, as he says:]

... Hey, don't let it worry you just yet, okay?

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, even if a doc's involved.

The important thing is doing what you feel will help you.

Video; UN: Spider-Man

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