deernet | 008; UN: Filledwithsunshine

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008; UN: Filledwithsunshine

[If you can believe it, Snow is even MORE CHIPPER than usual. She's all giggles and blushes and Faramund, her Omen, just shakes his head at the giddy teenager. Her animals are all very used to her giddiness by now.]

I wanted to thank everyone who helped me last time regarding modern courtship and I am happy to announce that Rose Dawson has graciously accepted my proposal for courtship and we are now together!

Oh, I'm truly so excited! And very fortunate to have someone so lovely love me.

Regarding my decision on all the advice I was given, I decided to go with the bouquet, I shall serenade her another time!

Again, thank you everyone for your kind advice!

Oh! And one other thing, that is of course, just as important. Winter will be upon us soon which means it's pickling, curing, canning, drying, and preserving time! If anyone needs a few lessons on how to properly do anything of those things please don't hesitate to ask!

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[ .. oh, dear. Chizuru did grasp that the two seemed to like each other a lot, but.. this is a lot a lot, isn't it? It's enough to make even Chizuru faintly blush as she listens to it.

Not that there's anything too scandalous in what Rose is saying, it's just an absolutely overwhelming amount of affection being shared here. ]

You're so bold about it..!

[ Thankfully it doesn't sound like Chizuru thinks that's a bad thing.

Just a little flustering, t-that's all! ]

I'm almost a little surprised she had such a hard time figuring out how to court you when you are clearly very straightforward about it..

[Rose used to keep herself held in very tightly, at least while in public. but things happened and she can't go back from that. now, she feels freely and what she feels for Snow is love]

I suppose I am? Entirely embarrassing where I come from, but I'm not there anymore. This is far different, far better.

[she wants to be her authentic self, as much as possible. she'd been surrounded by inauthentic persons so long and hated it so much that the idea of being anything but herself is horrifying.

and she smiles gently]

Well, I thought I was the only one who felt that way? Where both of us come from...it's different from here. We can be here, openly and lovingly. Back home, it's another matter.

[ Honestly, if Rose thinks it's better, then it's not like Chizuru is going to comment on it. It's not even like it's bad to her, after all, it's just-- surprising, definitely surprising. Maybe the world she comes from and the one Rose comes from are similar in that sort of way, where you don't see this happening so boldly much at all, if ever...

So rather than focusing on that, it's the latter part of what Rose says that the girl ends up turning around in her head for a moment, considering it, before she speaks up with: ]

Did she not show you it as much until recently?

[ After all, why else would Rose think she was the only one who felt that way, rather than it being mutual? It's pretty obvious now that they're in love! ]

[Rose would far rather be here, even with all of the Pthumerian nonsense, than back home. while she had managed to free herself from Cal and her mother, but she honestly didn't know what she'd do about finding a job. she didn't even have the slightest idea how to even try. so coming here with its barter system was much better]

Well, she said she had a crush on a girl, but I didn't put two and two together. I thought it was someone else! While I was entirely jealous over whomever it might be, I wanted to be a supportive friend. It was an entirely pleasing surprise to find out it was me.

[it was obvious to her now, but it hadn't been at the time? leading to a great deal of angst and uncertainty]

.. oh, it's like a true love story..

[ The words slip out before Chizuru has really thought them through.

She can't help it though! It's not like Chizuru has heard a whole lot of love stories in her life, but.. these are some of the tropes you do see in them, and she knows it. Someone getting jealous because they think their crush is in love with someone else, only for them to be the one they like in the end..

It's so romantic. ]

I'm so glad things did turn out that way for you. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to see her love someone else if you really loved her this much.. [ Since, well, Rose's love for Snow White is very, very clear. ] Even though it would have been so kind for you to smile and root for her all the same.

It is. It really is.

[Rose had known she would fall in love again after Jack. he'd pretty much given her his blessing during the time when portals to home (or in his case, heaven?) opened, he'd even met Snow.

and Rose did honestly think that the feelings were on her side only. Snow was so sweet and kind and caring with everyone, she didn't catch on to the fact that she was especially so with Rose until she showed up at Rose's door with a bouquet and her intention to begin a courtship.

Rose would like to think so, yes]

I wanted her to be happy. I couldn't help wanting her to love me, but before I knew the truth, I was willing to be a supportive friend. If you love someone, let them be free. At least that's how the saying goes.

[ Chizuru hums and nods a little to herself. Right, that is the saying - and it's something Chizuru herself tries to put into practice as well, always wanting the best for others, even when it's at the expense of her own happiness.

But that's also exactly why she knows it's not always easy to live up to it, even when you manage to. Thankfully it's nothing she's had to do in this place herself - but even just the thought of Rose almost having had to do it is a little sad. ]

You're both such kind people.

[ This, instead, is a better conclusion to reach. One that can make her smile. ]

I know you'll be helping each other out a lot already, but.. please, if there's ever anything I can do for you, just let me know. [ She wouldn't want to let the cruelty of this place ruin their sweetness. ]

[Rose spent much of her life assuming that her happiness would always be far below on the list of her parents' priorities, especially after Father died and left them with thousands upon thousands of gambling debts.

she hated Caledon Hockley. hated everything about him, from his put-upon accent to his condescending manner to his efforts to buy her love and expect it when it became clear that buying Rose wouldn't work]

Thank you. You are, too.

[she's very concerned about the other young woman. she seems...not naïve, exactly, but sheltered perhaps? that sort of thing can be broken so easily, it makes Rose feel protective]

I will. And of course, it's the same for you as well. How long have you been here, if I may ask?

Oh! Um, for me it's been..

[ She goes quiet for a moment. Chizuru has to count on her fingers, since it hasn't been a convenient year yet, but saying 'a few months' also doesn't feel right anymore at this point.. ]

I think it's been about nine months or so now? It feels like a pretty long time, but I guess it may not be so long at all for people who have been here longer.

[Rose nods and smiles]

It's been about that long for me, too. Isn't it strange how this becomes the new normal? Oh, something peculiar is happening! Must be a Tuesday.

.. yes, I suppose that's true.. After a while you kind of get used to having things around that you could never imagine having back home. [ More mundane stuff, like the Omnis and the way they work.. but also the way supernatural stuff. The monsters, the odd trials..

Chizuru's voice grows a little more quiet. It's not the most fun subject, after all, and she feels a little ashamed to admit: ]

Though I'm not sure if I'll ever truly be able to handle it well. [ Despite getting used to it.

That's the shame in there - she should just get used to it and be able to cope, and yet she finds herself worrying and freaking out time and time again all the same. ]

T-That's why I prefer focusing on the nicer things in this place! Like you two, and the way you got to meet and fall in love despite these odd circumstances..

[ It's stuff like that that makes Trench bearable. ]

Yes! We had electricity and phones already there at home, but the Omni surpasses anything I could have imagined! [they're not mundane, they're spectacular. anything and everything ahead of her wildest dreams. and the supernatural was like living in a fairy tale. not the sweet versions she'd heard as a child, but the original and darker stories.

and Rose's voice is gentle] May I ask why? Because there's no shame in it, this world is...especially peculiar. For those of us who aren't used to the magic or the technology.

[there's no shame as far as Rose is concerned. people dealt with things on their own way, there was no reason to feel ashamed]

Those are good things to think about. And with Snow...it's like I had an instant connection with her, that I could talk to her about everything and not worry about...I don't know, being judged? Being misunderstood, perhaps? Whatever it is, the bond started and grew stronger and stronger until, well. Today! And I expect our bond to grow even stronger.

[ Honestly, it's so nice to hear that Rose and Snow White have that together. It's the sort of thing you need in a place like this, Chizuru thinks - or else you don't survive.

.. though the idea of that sort of thing blossoming into love isn't.. really something she has personally considered before. It's something she ought to think about more later when she's by herself, she figures, especially since she's been trying so hard to figure out the line between just feeling a lot of feelings for someone and when those feelings end up being love.

Instead of mentioning it, she focuses on the question the other asked her. ]

Yes, it is as you say.. I am neither used to the magic, nor the technology. And even though things were also dangerous very often where I come from, it was dangerous in a.. different way. One that feels less invasive than the one here, maybe, if I had to put it into words.

[ Sure, there was war. There were ronin.

But that's different than corruption, or the way this place can mess with your mind itself. ]

[Rose certainly hadn't expected it. after Jack, she'd assumed it would take her years to fully heal. even longer than that to want to pursue a relationship but Trench works in mysterious ways.

love is one of those things that sneaks up on a person and before they know it, they're head-over-heels. at least that was how Rose experienced it. the line between loving someone and being in love with someone is remarkably thin in the grand scheme of things]

Invasive danger...that's a good way of putting what we can be forced to endure. Lucky for me, I have a lot of practice with that. But [gently] you don't?

[corruption comes in different kinds. Rose endured the kind that forced her to conceal how she really felt, because women actually speaking up about their concerns was unthinkable. just smile and have babies and politely ignore the mistress at society galas]

I don't.. think so. [ Chizuru gently answers.

But there's a hint of uncertainty in her words. Sure, technically Chizuru has endured a whole lot, even back home. Way more than she gives herself credit for.

But that's the exact problem. It doesn't feel like she's very good at enduring stuff, exactly because Chizuru sucks at giving herself said credit. ]

Everyone else here seems either more experienced with it, or just.. better at it than I am.

I'm sorry, then. All of this must be terribly overwhelming. But, it's not a competition. You're you and we're the rest of us, so there's no need to compare yourself to others. Especially if it makes you feel poorly.

Besides, I'm not sure how healthy it is to really get used to having our minds and bodies manipulated every month.

[Rose doesn't think she would have as adapted as well as she had without her experiences during the sinking of the Titaic. for good or for ill, it forced her into being able to survive situations she never thought she would have been able to when she was busy playing the perfect Society girl]

[ It reminds her a little of things people have told her before back home, as she listens to Rose. So there's no need to compare yourself to others. Isn't that basically the same thing Hijikata told her?

Hold your head high and walk tall.

.. sorry, Hijikata-san, she thinks. It's so much harder to do that when she's all alone, ripped away from everything similar in her own world. ]

I should be dealing with it better though. Even if it's not necessarily healthy, it feels-- important. [ She protests, though lightly. ] If I don't deal well with this place, then other people have to look after me constantly, even though they're also dealing with their own stuff.

[ She has to get better at this in order to not be a burden to others - and there's nothing that motivates Chizuru more than that thought. ]

For that sake I want to become strong like you, and like everyone else.

[Rose would be pleased to be in such companionship.

though, in the final analysis, that was the easy thing to say and far harder to put into practice. Rose wanted to be able to be strong enough for herself and for all of her friends, but someday she'd have to admit the truth about who she was and what she'd lived through while thousands of others hadn't.

she can still hear them. the screams growing more and more quiet until no one even had the strength to scream anymore or had already died]

I know how that feels. I hated the notion of having to rely on others for help. [a pause] This may sound a little out of left field, but do you have any martial training? That by itself might help you feel more in control of yourself and your surroundings.

[Rose can't possibly put a monetary value on what Johnny and Corbra Kai--now Eagle Fang--were still doing for her]

You will be. I know this sounds terribly cliched, but believing in yourself is the first, best step.

I know a little bit of swordfighting.

[ And she does always carry around her kodachi with her, so it's not like Chizuru is totally helpless - not technically, anyway.

Because there's something else that gets in the way of it. Something that she does honestly admit to Rose here, even though it sounds a little bit reluctant. (But then again, it's still easier to admit to this part than to the fact that she just simply doesn't believe in herself in the slightest.) ]

But I don't.. want to hurt anyone. I just really hate the idea of it..

[ Even when said 'anyone' might be a bad person, in some cases here. ]

That's good. Here, we need to be able to defend ourselves as much as we can.

[she'd never been expected to do anything even remotely like that back home. she was meant to be a pretty bauble, hanging off a man's arm.

a notion she hated even before she found out how much money father had owed and was entreated by her mother to find someone wealthy to marry, quickly. enter Caledon Hockley]

There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. I'd imagine that most of us truly don't want to hurt anyone. Why else are our minds played with to the extent of rage and paranoia?

[Rose had managed to make it so long with only one transformation to beasthood, something she never wanted to do again]

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