video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[megatheorem]

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:



...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

Comments

[megatheorem]

[He'll adjust, give him like a week. He'll practice his "Hi x, I'm Palamedes" and everything.]

I— want to say yes! I've been told plenty of you go to school for a set number of years and not based on your individual time-to-accomplishment, is that still true of 'higher' education?

[Note, also, that he is gathering his Greek Study notebooks in the background here and about to set out to the library, but one does not simply hang up the omni--]

You know you're welcome at our place anytime. Let's start there; I'll ask Viktor when, and he'll go all out overpreparing.

[necroprince]

[In the time it takes for him to come out, Ianthe has taken a cigarette out and appears to be smoking. A little habit she picked up from Augustine. She raises her eyebrows and snickers.]

Oh, relax. All I said was that she was prettier than you.

[What a long break though.]

It's not all absolutely vital for you to know. You're allowed to keep stumbling around in ignorance if that's what you desire - we are a long way away from home. But I imagine most of it is things that you would like to know. About your cavalier, your friends, your house... They've all been rather busy.

In return, I have questions of my own. Ranging from things I'd like to know to things it's very important for me to know. A question for a question seems fair, doesn't it?

And naturally, not over the network.

[megatheorem]

It's a fair warning, you know, for old time's sake.

[He does not say, "if I've been time-sharing in Cam's body, I'm absolutely a better necromancer than you," but he thinks it. For old time's sake. He can behave, if long enough to get these evidently juicy answers to his many, many unanswered questions that Ianthe allegedly has.

That he trusts her (he does not) to have all of them is irrelevant; based on personal projects and her sudden drop that he found his way out of the bone fragments after all, he'll at least hear her out.]

You can come by my office; it's the one in the Crenshaw Sanctuary with the worms-on-strings in the doorway. [Not a bit.] But you can't smoke in here.

[umbraportation]

[ Nico can practically feel the dad jokes incoming. Plenty of other kids at camp talk about them, but it's different when dad is the godly one. ]

I mean, people can skip grades or even get held back, so it's not only a set number of years for the younger years. If someone is ahead of the others their age or struggling, there is some wiggle room. As far as I know, college is basically a set number depending on your profession. Some professions require seven to fourteen years, and others not so much.

[ Don't ask about his education, Pal will be horrified. Nico will just relax in his chair while Pal gathers his stuff and makes his way over. ]

I know, but it's not a big deal. [ Between Abigail, Chizuru, basic stuff he can make in D's place, and eating out... it's probably more often than he was eating back home. ] I'll bring all the ingredients, so tell him not to worry about that.

[necroprince]

[She smiles thinly, blowing a ring of smoke at her omni.]

I'll be there in an hour or so.

[megatheorem]

[Madam. Please. He makes a face, but gestures at the rest of the office around him like, well, he's got nowhere to be.]

I'll be here. You can't miss the worms.

[megatheorem]

Not for nothing, but I'd argue that if someone isn't good at their profession inside of fourteen years, they should probably pick something else.

[But then, he's a wizard, so again: probably a bad metric for judging anything, with only his own experiences to compare to.]

And I'm right there with you, but he likes doing it. Maybe we can let him prepare some... side dishes.

[palamedes knows what a side dish is, absolutely]

[umbraportation]

The ones going that long are specialized doctors, who don't get fancy powers like you do, so they have to do things the hard way. I think it's something like four-to-five years of school, a couple of years as a basic apprentice, then several more years as a specialized apprentice while being a certified physician in basic medicine. It isn't the fault of the student how long it takes, just the way the system as a whole is set up.

[ Pal is a wizard compared to these poor people who have to jump through hoops to be able to do the things Pal can. ]

I guess we could use some vegetables or something. Garlic bread is pretty much a must with most Italian food.

[ This is said light-heartedly, he won't really protest Viktor making side dishes or dessert. ]

[stayscared]

It's only their problem if they read it.

[mike bristles at hack, because he's been there, too. and can't settle on how he feels about it. whatever, it's not personal. he's not even writing here, except for the occasional scribble in his loosely scripted ongoing karate drama story. that's not for anyone to read, though.]

It's got an unsophisticated (not an insult) charm to it, and makes me want to see what's inside. If I saw that art, I'd open the book. That's what a cover should do.

I'm terrible with titles, but maybe something a bit shorter. If it's fiction, make it sound like a story, not a lecture. If you hook the reader well enough, you can throw whatever you want (within reason) at them later and they'll stick around to see how it ends.

The Archives is an embarrassment? [this is news.]

[megatheorem]

In that case, I rescind my criticism for a new one: the system is dreadful. For doctors? Someone has to streamline something that important.

[Palamedes is a wizard on a mission to revolutionize med school, look out world!! Also it should be FREE!!! He doesn't even know college costs money, it's going to ruin his day.

Anyway, wizard privilege aside, "garlic bread"... Well, bread is a thing he can eat? Hmm.]

I can probably eat whatever garlic bread is. I'll let him know.

[megatheorem]

Not in academia, generally speaking. I'm less familiar with the world of published fiction, like I said.

[That said, this book is... not supposed to be intriguing for any reason other than there are sexy nerds who might be squids in it, so he's not sure that's ideal? He should probably hire an artist.]

Art aside— it's something of an amalgamation of novel and academic study, which I'm learning just today is a genre that I invented that only appeals to me. Still, I'd like a printed copy, to say I've done it.

The Archives is a library that moves its books around to be searched on gut instinct. Pointless; Never Mind is a shame to the whole discipline. If he wanted to run a joke shop, he should have opened one of those.

[umbraportation]

Yeah, I can't really say anything about it, having not gone through the process. It probably used to be faster, but medicine wasn't as advanced either.

[ Higher education, free? What does that look like? A scholarship, he supposes. Maybe New Rome has better schooling, but Nico didn't look into it.

Shaking his head. ]

Garlic bread is one-handed, yeah. It's basically toast with garlic.

[megatheorem]

Well— fair enough. Necromancy loops us back around to not taking very long at all, although the field is hardly completely developed.

[Never mind, he supposes. He shakes his head, with no free hand to dismissively wave away the perils of higher education. He is Approaching the Library, howdy, allow him to shoulder in with his armful of study materials and so still not hang up the omni, oop.

As for garlic bread, "toast" is fine, it's "with garlic" that worries him. Flavors...]

I hope you're ready to get a crash course in the rest of my food-related neuroses. You have my word that I'll try your mother's recipes, of course, but... [food... yuck.]

[umbraportation]

Hm, it sounds like a long time for us, but we have cheats that most people don't. Before coming here, I thought I knew pretty much all I needed when it comes to necromancy, yet I've learned a lot by having others around.

[ Nico looks over when the door opens, not surprised because he could see the background of Pal's video. The man may not hang up, but he will once the other's in better range. His table doesn't have anything on it, so it's ready for Pal's armful of supplies.

There's a soft hum at that. ]

Guess the good thing about garlic bread is controlling how much garlic is on it. Viktor can always set aside one that's completely Pal-approved, though. Dare I even ask what sort of food you had at the Sixth House?

(text)

[stilljustyou]

( Frisk silently sends a text with their own art attached to Palamedes. They'll draw for him!! )

[hearuthinking]

They're special 'cause you only wear 'em for the holidays.

Sure, if she's any good at sewin'. Some of 'em can get kinda complicated.

[He proceeds to sketch out a few designs and sends pictures. Given that Jason is not a great artist, his examples look even worse]

[grice]

[ ugh!! ]

How old?

[hauntedsavior]

I know. It's adorable. We're adorable in ways previously thought impossible by most leading scholars.

[listen, she doesn't get to genuinely preen like this very often. she'd rather do that than the alternative.]

Oh, she's not pulling any scams. She's just been the recipient of a human heart to replace the one that she came here with.
Thought it would be a weird sort of coincidence for it to happen to two people.
Is Vik okay now?

[xiaoxiuya]

[What have you got against text, Pal? Did a wild text message kill your mom?]

It is pretty bad, bro. 'Like wild grass,' as we'd say in the place where I went to school. Means your handwriting looks like someone took a fistful of grass and threw it on the ground to make the characters. XD

Anyway. 'Beta reader' is another way to say 'editor,' yes. I saw in another comment you've been studying Greek? Beta is the second letter in the Greek alphabet, so if the person who actually wrote the story is the alpha, or first reader, then the second reader is the beta. Early access just means I'd pay you to let me read it first, ahead of your normal publication schedule; that was a thing on the websites where I used to get my novels. And if I have to explain to you what a bribe is then congratulations, I guess you used to live in a crimeless utopia!

[megatheorem]

An adult, I'm afraid. This one's for grown ups.

[...]

What kind of romance stories do you like? Now that this one is done, I could use another project.

[megatheorem]

[Oh— almost certainly a child sending this, he thinks, so—]

You've given me an idea for a brand new book with far more adventure than mine. I could use more talent like this for something like that.

[megatheorem]

As a leading scholar myself, I have to agree. Good for you; I mean that, genuinely.

[this is wlw/mlm solidarity]

Viktor's well now, though, yeah. I'd call it the end result of a pet project of ours, except it was a touch more urgent than that. He's great; I'll tell him you asked.

Now, does she need help with the heart, or...?

[megatheorem]

These are an affront to the senses, and that is a compliment; I didn't realize we were getting this whimsical. If she agrees to sew any of these monstrosities, I'm in. The giant bow- it is a bow?- is delightfully unwieldy.

[megatheorem]

I'm going to invest in a typewriter. For the clicky sound, before you ask.

[Gotta get his ASMR in and also not type this whole book with his thumbs on an omni or something.]

Anyway: sounds useful. What are your qualifications? I won't ask for a full docket of skills, but if you could summarize.

[megatheorem]

[Allow him to get Settled and put all his things down, and only then will he put his omni away and stop holding it like he's still on the phone. Okay. He's ready for study hour.]

Fair point. I didn't know what a squid was before coming here, not really, so it stands to reason that works every which way.

[If only everybody was a necromancer... Alas. He begins to shuffle his things, to find his most recent episode of Study Notes.]

On the Sixth: nutrient-rich. Very textured. Imitation meats, exceedingly fibrous vegetables- lab-grown- and so on. Don't mistake my upbringing for ruining my palate, though; this is just an aside of being me. [He just doesn't enjoy the Experience of Food, it's fine. He's come around to the soppy emotional parts of sharing mealtimes, by now.] Who knows, maybe I'll go nuts for garlic bread.