video | un: warden (this post is about romance novels)

[megatheorem]

[Good day, Trench, and welcome to... whatever this is going to be. Here is one Palamedes, sitting at his desk in what may be broadly recognizable as his office in the Sanctuary, whether or not one has been in it before (it has, these days, a distressing worm-on-a-string curtain in place of a door). Palamedes shuffles through some papers, tsks, and gets up to simply walk off screen, although this is not an accidental post, for he does call back:]

Damn my filing system! Hold on, don't look away.

[So now: the sounds of shuffling, and also, footsteps on a ladder? Then the eventual soft thump as he hops back down, and finally his several layered cardigans masquerading as a torso coming back into view, before he sits back down in the chair with a hearty squeak of rusty metal.

He has even more papers now. A small pile of notebooks, actually, which he folds his hands atop before properly regarding the camera.]

So! I wrote a book. Are any of you in the publishing business? Here, locally, or otherwise? My wheelhouse is firmly the academic, and literature— while a passion project— is a field I know far less about. As such: publishing. Any tips welcome.

I am also in the market for some cover art, I think. My artistic talents leave a lot to be desired, but I've produced some helpful mock-ups, somewhere around here...

[Just kidding they're right here ready and waiting, and so he holds them up side by side:



...So, yes. His handwriting is, of course, perfectly legible.]

Like I said: I'm an academic, not an artist. I'll pay you in whatever you like, blood or stone or- [and he leans briefly off camera again, to mutter, then he's back] -or scones! Good ones, for people into that kind of thing.

[Yahoo... Draw him a horny squidmance cover page... This is ordinary.]

Obviously, children need not apply.

Oh, and the working title is Ceasefire of the Senses: A Treatise on the Juxtaposition of Passion and Reason, unless you happen to be my cruelest critic and dearest spouse, love of my life, in which case "that title is ridiculous" and it's actually called "that story in your fifty notebooks." Regardless.

[He pats the pile of notebooks, like, his title is good actually? This might be a thinly veiled opinion poll about the title.]

And as it's the season, again, if anyone needs a professional hand with their lockjoint, come down to the Lumenarium- or Sanctuary- and ask for Palamedes. I'll take care of it with a silk touch; you get to keep the stones. Drawings of squids entirely voluntary for that one.

Comments

[stilljustyou]

I'm a kid. Why did you put it on the network if it's for adults?

[xiaoxiuya]

Ooh, a genuine first edition, how exciting~ Never got one of those from the actual author, before. Think I could get you to sign it?

[megatheorem]

I did say 'children need not apply,' but besides that: I wanted to offer help for lockjoint, as well. It'd be senseless to make two separate advertisements in a row.

[megatheorem]

Really, and with all your comments? Color me surprised. Sure; if I can finagle multiple copies.

[mehanizovati]

Depends. Piltover has several, in fact one is about the bounty of the sea. Jubilee, it's called. There aren't really any globally celebrated holidays though, and the undercity is such a melting pot of different cultures it gets muddled who celebrates what. [earth was wild with holidays, in his opinion.] People from Earth seem far more centralized when it comes to holidays.

Apollo... [another long pause and a shake of the head.] That one I don't remember, refresh me? Yes though, for Zaun the air is eh... a large matter. It's heavily polluted and has been for a long time, I suppose it makes sense sky and wind deities would be popular.

[megatheorem]

It's— hold on, let me give it a whirl.

[A brief shuffling for new paper and some scribbling, before he holds up a mysteriously somehow more competent skull sketch, but only competent insofar as committing an image to memory makes it easier to draw. Behold: accessory skull.]

This one. And, if at all sensible, as vibrant as humanly possible— but leave the scroll in gray.

[stayscared]

I'm sure there's at least one other person out there that'll find it appealing. You just have to get it out there. Honestly, that's one of the best reasons to write anything, if not the healthiest, just because you want to say 'hey, I did that.'

Yeah, that's a bit of a weird way to organize books. I do hear that one's a bit of a trickster, and from the sounds of it, not a very funny one. I'm glad I missed that month.

So that's a vote of no confidence to the Archives, then. That just moves the needle in favor of local book shops.

[mehanizovati]

[what could possibly be weird about making a tree, he can be so normal about it too. cue several nights of viktor spending all his time in the lab making a tree that looks like the grungy, unhinged version of what someone things a christmas tree should be.]

Hm, we'll need gifts then. I suppose Allen is already working on that. Maybe I can make your team little toy birds. [piltover has metal butterflies flying around so why not.

and viktor nods to that assessment, exactly like a sixth viewscreen. when it's received well his lips quirk.]

I'll call it the HexScreen just to annoy you. [this is love.] I'm glad, I've already started working on the basic idea of it.

text | un: shithog

[foulhussy]

is there fucking in it

un: AskMalice, video

[slayerskiss]

[She's been squinting at this for like five minutes.]

What does that title even mean? That's just... way too many words.

[megatheorem]

Should I take that directness as a sign of tacit approval upon the affirmative? [palamedes.] It is a romance novel, so of course.

[megatheorem]

[That's longer than it deserves, frankly. The effort is appreciated.]

You can think of it as solely the first half, if you like; everyone else already has. It's— you know, passion overtaking reason in the most dramatic of moments, and so on. Like that. For the length of a novel.

[fogsong]

[ she lets out a low whistle ]

Looks like there might be a bit of an artist in you. [ she's teasing just a little ]

I can do vibrant. Any specific colors you're thinking of aside from the gray scroll or can I just go wild?

[foulhussy]

do most of them have that shit?
wouldnt fucking know.
don't read em

[grice]

[ pal just opened a portal to another dimension. ]

Then I like Adventure or Historical.
Or both.
The ones that focus on healthy relationships are the best ones.

[megatheorem]

Sure, definitely. [he is taking notes, live on camera.] What kind of characters do you want to see fall in love?

[megatheorem]

That is often the draw, yeah. I mean, quality is all over the place, and if the rest of it is tripe, who cares how adept the smut is penned, right? But in a word: yes.

What do you think of my title?

[megatheorem]

I think they would love birds. Can we paint them the team colors?

[Eh? Eh? A bunch of little hot wings, literally?? They can sit on the horrible metal tree until they get given to the kids, it will be a whole production.

Viktor gets a kiss on the hand for his awful, terrible HexScreen. If he gets to put a hex on everything, Palamedes gets to title his book with a full paragraph. Them's the rules.]

It's already killing me; I'm going to love it. Will it be Rio-proof, for when she inevitably bonks her whole face into it? Maybe I'll get her a nice hat to wear.

[A soft hat... a squid hat, match Viktor's mug.]

[megatheorem]

Are you a writer? You sound more experienced than I am at this. I've only published academic papers, and even then, only to a very small circle of mostly family.

[This is technically true, but given the large pool of academic colleagues he has who are also distantly related to him, it is also just what working at a college or something is like. Welp.]

I'll check out the local shops. I have browsed, but only as a customer; this will be a new adventure, I suppose. Do you have a favorite?

[megatheorem]

Oh, don't encourage me— I'll be putting skulls on everything. It will look terrible in no time.

[Like the Cool S from primary school, but gothier.]

And please, go wild to your heart's content.

[megatheorem]

I doubt anyone truly omniscient could wind up here, you know? And if they did, what for? What would be keeping them around— the atmosphere?

[He waves a hand, like, the blood?? The way the docks always smell super bad? Somebody omniscient would have to be weird and bored to just hang out here.

That said,] Cream corn in a can is proof that divinity is an elaborate lie. That's disgusting. I'm a big fan of spaghetti for not being creamed anything in a can.

[megatheorem]

As someone who was raised in a cramped metal box and then washed up here, I think my exposure to culture might be closer to hers than previously thought. I absolutely will get her opinion on my title, at the very least.

[He still only has about a year's experience with Real Trees, for example. Memes? Shoyo tried to teach him memes, once upon a time...]

As for the other parts... I did have to do a lot of guesswork about how swordfighting actually works, for the sword parts.

[Of course there are sword parts.]

[xiaoxiuya]

Those were for digital novels, and to be honest most of them were pretty shitty. They only sometimes went to print.

[fogsong]

Hey, but you'd just keep getting better at that skull. [ she's one of those people that's all for an abundance of doodles on everything. ]

Awesome. I'll try to have something to show you in a week or two, though my work can take a bit of time, especially with how difficult some paints can be to get. [ she's grinning widely though clearly excited for the project ]

[hauntedsavior]

Hold on, what's the emoji the kids are doing these days?
<>_<>

That's like when your eyes sparkle to attention once somebody says something that's especially interesting to you.
It's from anime. You know, that thing I still don't watch.
But anyway, the sword parts, you say? I'd be glad to lend some of my expertise in the name of realism.
And in the name of really cool sword fights.