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[Text] un: justanadventurer [Locked from Jinx]

[He was going to send this as anonymous, honest to gods, but then his omen walked over his Omni while he was getting a drink and sent this.]

So what is therapy exactly? Aside from 'talk to someone to make you feel better', I know that much.

What sort of books would one look for to find advice for doing therapy?

Is this even something I should be trying to do for someone?

[That last bit he'd been planning on taking out, but. Omens.]

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I hope so. But it's a big step for them to trust anyone at all. I'm just grateful they turned to me. They said they had heard of therapy, but I don't think it's a thing that exists where they're from, either.

I told them I'd have to look things up and they didn't seem to be bothered, so they probably won't be mad with me looking for help. I hope.

I do know it's not on me to fix... but I want to do what I can. It's a lot, but...

... Listen, I've dealt with worse people. They at least have the potential for goodness and I think they do care about other people? I've known people who didn't want to change or care about people at all. They know there's a choice and they choose not to.

This person at least wants to change. That's a big step.

I agree; that's a huge step. Two big ones really, both the wanting to change and asking for help. I hope you're right about them not getting mad at you.

But it is a lot. So, I'm just going to repeat some advice given to me about being careful not to take on too much. I think all of us who to try so hard to do all we can, need to hear it, from time to time.

Yes... I know I tend to take on too much, but I don't think trying to help my friends is too much.

Maybe it is. But I suppose I was never taught what 'too much' was.

[Yep, Ezra is still worried, here.]

Wanting to help your friends is good, of course. Knowing your limits is harder. I know I'm still working on that myself.

Look, I think the ideal situation here would be you talk this person through getting help from the clinic or someone else with expertise. Then you check in with your friend, regularly, to make sure that's working out. Be someone else they can talk through stuff on a more casual level, occasionally, sure. Show that you continue to care about their well being, even if they're not necessarily in what I assume feels like a crisis for them right now.

I'm sure that still wouldn't be easy. But it's a doable amount of time and effort for you. You can invest this amount of attention to a lot of people, yes? More than a friend or two.

Stepping into the role of therapist, if you want to serve it well, that's a big commitment. You may be reinventing skills and scraping together sources. Then you're committing a chunk of time, for how long, using those skills to help your friend? Unclear, but potentially a long time.

This is not easy - I've been spending a couple of days a week for months, on a combination of physical Force healing, empathically healing corruption, and looking more into the mental health side of things myself lately. Personally, I still feel very much like a novice.

I have no doubt you can learn what is needed, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's a much faster rate than I can. It's just an exponentially larger amount of time and attention than the other outcome. And *that* - can you realistically put that amount of effort in every time one of your friends needs help on this big a level?

You can do this. But you may be choosing to make this one of your major roles here. And closing other paths, at least as long as you choose to focus on this one.

Edited (missing word) 2023-02-11 20:02 (UTC)

It is. I'm working on that as well. It just sems like whenever I think I have a break I end up with another major project. Hah...

I think that would be best as well, but I'm not certain how well they can handle someone of their... volatility. I'll have to have a long talk with the clinic and see what they offer, and how they're equipped to deal with patients that are less than friendly.

If only there were a soul crystal for this sort of thing. (An object from my world that carries the memories of its previous owners in it, usually used for learning combat skills quickly.)

I don't know if I can put that much in - to be honest I've been somewhat doubting my own mental health at times. I've broken before and I didn't like it one bit. But I can't keeep pasting over my own problems and they can't keep pasting over theirs either.

Maybe if I go to this clinic they would go with me? It's worth asking, I suppose.

That might be a good angle, for both of you, yeah. Worth a try.

The worst they can do is say 'no', right? In theory at least.

Ultimately, yeah. You're the one who said they were volatile.

Okay well the worst they can do is kill me, but I've done that and gotten better.

Also I don't think shooting me would kill me anyway, I've been in fights with machinists before.

No, I think the worst they can do is decide to go after other people, to spite you, if they're clever enough to work that will hurt you more.

But if we went around both assuming the worst and not acting on that fear, we'd never get anything done.

True but I didn't want to say it.

And also true. Being optimistic has gotten me far in life so I'd like to keep that going.

I'm all for optimism. Just wanted me to make sure you wouldn't get blindsided, if the very worst did happen.

I do try not to get caught off-guard. Though I admit I'm without my usual tacticians and planners.

I'm ready to jump at a moment's notice. Call it habit.

I think the clinical term used by some mental health professionals for that is hypervigilance.

Which isn't judgement, by the way. I've managed to step it down in the past couple of years, since I'm not an active war zone. But Trench is not exactly chill, either.

... Wait, is that a bad thing? I've been like this since I was a child.

But then again we did often have nasty creatures or people wander into our camp.

Well, it's all a matter of degree and in certain situations, it's a survival trait. To an extent.

That said, it's not *great*. On the even less great end, you can stay so amped up, pretty much everything feels like a threat, and it can be a nasty feed back loop. If you're not quite that stressed out, if still struggle with turning that sort of awareness off, it's hard to really rest, right? Can't just sit and be. Give yourself time to process your emotions.

Maybe that's part of why I keep bounding off looking for adventure all the time.

Or part of it. Part of that is just who I am.

Of course. People are different, are we're all complicated, and we all have to figure out what works for us.

I'm just not sure how much of what I do is personality and how much is due to... what I've seen.

If you ever figure that out, I'd love to hear it.

But I suspect it more of the latter than most of us like to admit to ourselves.

I have some complicated soul nonsense going on that affects it, I think. But I don't doubt that what I've seen is a factor.

[Should he ask about the soul nonsense? Not right this minute.]

Well if people can change - and I believe they can change a lot, it makes sense that circumstances can make that happen. And how much can depend on how much we let it.

[It's a long story.]

It's difficult to know when you change, too. It's... hard to look at yourself and see how you've changed. Friends can help with that, but... the ones I usually trust to do that aren't here.

And even if you make wonderful news ones here, they wouldn't know all the history your friends back home would.

They wouldn't even have the context of the plane of reality you come from.

That's right. And it seems mine is very different from others... so I know that there's a lot of context that other people don't get.

I'm trying to teach other people a bit, but it's not quite the same. ... They didn't know me when I first started out. How much I've changed since then...

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ezra_of_lothal - 2023-02-26 21:27 (UTC) - Expand

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aetherweaver - 2023-02-26 23:39 (UTC) - Expand

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