un: doublehedgedsword; text

[laminae]

[Fern still isn't completely sure about the username change, but Varian reassured him it's cool, so he's going to trust him and give this a try.]

hey sooo the dirt here sucks
i've been around to a few parts of the city looking for something to eat and it's all total garbo
it's so bunk
maybe there's some part of the city that has good stuff? maybe some super secret spot for cool people only
i don't know, people are saying stuff about blood pollution and i'm not going to pretend i know how this world works because it sounds complicated and i've been here for like five minutes
i just want a meal right now
all the clouds blocking out the sun aren't helping either

if anyone knows any spots with some good dirt let me know, ok?

[This feels so ridiculous to type out, but even though he's found his badge that lets him eat he still needs to rely on photosynthesis to get all the nutrients he needs. He doesn't want to start withering.]

man i can't believe i'm saying this but i miss Deerington's dirt

Comments

cw: prescription meds abuse / mental health

[klussy]

right?
but i guess it makes sense
being in someone's mind who doesn't know whats going on means that we can't really know what's going on

but i dont think we're in anyones head anymore
this feels like a normal society

well
normal is relative here but you know
it doesnt feel like a dream?



drugs, honestly. a fuckton of them. i tried to stay as medicated as humanly possible all the time back in deerington. which i guess wasnt really "dealing" with it but it was the only way i knew how to deal with it on a day to day basis
it made my personality a lot more tolerable
like a lot of you never met me before i got medicated
off meds im super fucking insufferable and really difficult to deal with, i think
really sensitive
granted, i still am, but i got better about it?

but since showing up here, i havent really needed to take any
it's like there was an off swithc in my head
but im not really feeling other stuff either so it's not the best exchange


sorry im kind of oversharing right now

those people are completely right

[obeir]

Yeah I've noticed this place is even more low-tech than the last. Technical Boy made it here too, so at least there's two of us who can do these kinds of things. [ You know, technology things. ]

Also noticed you updated your username. I like it. Clever.

Varian had seemed worried about me not remembering you. [ Unduly worried? It had seemed unusual. K just hadn't realised the significance until now. ] Did something happen? With people not remembering you, I mean. I know dying in Deerington could sometimes cause amnesia too.

[ But it was temporary amnesia, as far as he knew. Abandonment issues, maybe? He has definitely picked up on those before. Poor kid. ]

[creidim]

I mean, you have a good point.

I think maybe she understands why we did it. I remember talking to her in a dream after it was all over, and she told me she understood our choice with the Mayor. So maybe it's the same.

And choosing to sacrifice her when she asked us to, that was the merciful thing to do for her. Maybe she believes we used the same logic for Sodder. It came out of an act of mercy rather than malice.

cw: prescription meds abuse / mental health

[laminae]

yeah, like we're not in a dream anymore
just a messed up universe like everyone else
which i guess for some of us is totally normal, huh?

[Sometimes your home universe is just Like That.]

oh wow

[Drugs are an area Fern has essentially no experience in, though he can at least understand having a way of dealing with problems that is not, in fact, dealing with them at all.]

it's cool man i am pretty sure oversharing is better than not sharing at all
i got a mental vault where i shove the stuff i can't handle, and it turns out that's a really bad idea
so if you ever need an oversharing bud feel free to call me

it sounds like it's a good thing you don't need the drugs anymore? but the rest of that sounds donked
is it like you're numb?

[laminae]

hey that's handy

thanks, i wasn't sure about it
guess it's turning out ok

oh uh yeah
it's just something i'm sensitive to
when i became fern people sort of
stopped knowing me
and kept on knowing Finn
it's hard to handle

[Definitely abandonment issues over here.]

[laminae]

man the Mayor was a giant wad
i don't want to compare Julia to him

i'm glad we at least helped Cynthia, but i wish we could still try and explain ourselves to her

Private;

[lightthedarkness]

Um... I guess I could give it a try? No one has ever asked me to do something like that before.

Private;

[laminae]

then i'll be the first!
making that sword with you was fun so i bet this will be too

Re: cw: prescription meds abuse / mental health

[klussy]

i guess som eone could argue a dreams not that different from a reality
im ena
we lived it for three years some of us
it doesnt feel the same thing like a normal dream

i wonder where this place is in relation to everything else. it doesnt seem like maine?
it SORT of does but it's harsher



yeah it probably is. though it can probably be annoying to listen to for some people
thats not good yeah, fern, dude if you ever want to talk you can also overshare with me
that stuff can be held against us big time sometimes when we keep it in
makes for a billion soft spots people can use against you
so
feel free to call me too


i have no idea. yeah. it's like i recognize what i SHOULD be feeling and it's more like i'm reading off a script of how im supposed to be acting and thinking
but im not really feeling any of it
and my memories are super fucked up right now
i thought it was the ocean but it's juts my head it's all blended together like i cannot figure out where the fuck derry begins and where deerington ends and where the other places are and it's just messy
it's super messy

Private;

[lightthedarkness]

(⁄ ⁄ • ⁄ω⁄ • ⁄ ⁄) Let's hope it won't be the last.

Alright, when should we meet up and where?

Private;

[laminae]

my fingers are crossed!!

i'm good with any time
maybe we should do it somewhere that gets your creative juices going?
your house might be better for that

[He knows not everyone is into Disaster House's decor of skulls and garbage....]

cw: prescription meds abuse / mental health

[laminae]

oh yeah back home shared dreams were just a thing and not a big deal at all
so staying in one for years isn't that big a stretch for me

you know Orpheus asked me a really good question about that
if this IS Deerington, or what used to be Deerington
when is this?
like did Julia's Deerington exist fifty years ago? a thousand years like Ooo?

you're definitely not wrong there
thanks man, i'll keep you in mind next time i want to lock something up

dude what the flip

[Thaaaat is really worrying, Eddie.]

is it because of the squid thing? the ocean junk? did that get to you?
i'm not sure if this will help, but Kurt taught me that when i'm feeling overwhelmed and my head's all messed up to try picturing something that's calm and familiar
i think about sitting on top of the Tree Fort back in Ooo
and Varian taught me a phrase, plus est en vous, it means 'there is more in you'
i don't know about the feelings stuff, normally my problem is that i'm feeling way too much
but stuff like that might help you focus with your memories?

[thunderingcourage]

Yeah, she's pretty amazing, I'd do anything I could for her to make sure she's alright. But I'm nowhere near as cool or popular as Usagi, she's a lot better at dealing with people than I am.

Re: cw: prescription meds abuse / mental health

[klussy]

whenever she existed it was definitely in the past
i have a feeling it was a really long time ago though
i mean
just realistically speaking this place is a HUGE jump technology wise from the 1950s
even if it still looks old i've seen some crazy shit
like the omni somehow seem more advance than the fluids did
tehre's like NO glitching or delays
or maybe it's just magic instead of technology?

i dont know.
it would make sense though
i remember someone saying that deerington was stuck in a dream for like sixty years anyway right?

anytime



i dont really know. michael thinks i might be in shock too
and maybe he's right.
but it's been like. every day every hour

sometimes that can help. i try to hear voices that i like or that reassure me and it can work talking myself down
not always but it's helped in the past
wow.
varian thats totally romantic oh my god
richie always tells me im braver than i think
we're into total saps

(But saps who were apparently onto something in the psychological health department.)

maybe
it's hard
richie says we have a curse where we can't always remember stuff
so im not sure how much of my memory issues is being confused by coming to this world and how much of it is some ancient monster fucking with me from my own world you know?

[creidim]

Maybe so. But he was still Cynthia's family, too.

Maybe just try? I suppose we can talk to the other powerful Pthumerians like Never Mind so maybe it works the same. Try talking to the moon, like I do.

I think she does listen.

[laminae]

[Wow, Makoto really cares about Usagi. This isn't overly surprising to Fern though, since it's Usagi and all.]

ha ha i know what that's like
dealing with people is hard sometimes

cw: prescription meds abuse / mental health

[laminae]

yeah dog
i'd be amazed if only a hundred years have gone by
it's gotta be more like a thousand

that's weird, shock is supposed to wear off, right?

hah yeah i think we are
i don't think Varian would ever describe himself that way but he totally is

it's a curse?
dang
i wish Pep-But was here, he's great with curses
he could probably remove it or like, put it on someone else
i'm not really great at dealing with that stuff, the Grass Sword was an eternal curse too
i guess if that ancient monster needs punching, or if there's some way to punch the curse
then i'm your guy

[laminae]

so? just because someone's family doesn't mean they aren't huge greaseballs

um ok
i'll try it
i'll let you know if anything shakes out

[thunderingcourage]

[Usagi was one of the most important people in Makoto's world. But then all of the girls shared that bond and would do whatever it took for one another.]

Yeah, they don't always make it easy either.

Flowers though, it's always comforting planting something and watching it grow.

[laminae]

honestly before i became grass i never thought about flowers a ton
i mean a friend had a flower that was important to her and i kind of killed it so i went to one of the dead worlds and got its soul back
but i would've done that for an animal or a person too

[thunderingcourage]

That sounds pretty brave. I don't really remember when I got into gardening, but I know that after my parents it became pretty important.

But going fighting to bring back something important, or to protect it, for a friend is a good thing. Sounds like you'd fit in pretty well with the group, and I can see why she knighted you.

[laminae]

why? were your parents gardeners?

oh geez she told you about that?
yeah it seemed like a good idea, she's really strong and kind
she's someone i want to be more like

[obeir]

[ Confirmation of what he suspected. His own identity and personhood issues might not intersect with anything like the Finn situation, but he definitely feels for Fern. ]

I can imagine. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[ But looking on the bright side... ] Everyone you've met in Deerington and here have only ever known you, and not Finn. And for what it's worth I'm glad I know you. And that you have the chance to be your own person here. It's the same for me, too. I'm still learning how to do that.

[ Even with the occasional setbacks, such as losing his memory and trying desperately to locate his handler. He really regrets Fern having to deal with that. ]

[laminae]

it's ok
yeah, people know me here and that's what's important
it's kind of nice because Finn has never really been here or in Deerington, so everyone's only known me

thanks man
i'm glad i know you too
you're doing great at the being your own person thing

[Obstacles like memory loss are just hurdles they're going to have to get over, Fern has learned that much.]

[creidim]

I know, I know. But he was still someone Cynthia loved at the end of the day, you know? She didn't marry a monster.

Hopefully she did something good with his soul.

Okay. :)