video: un; apparition (characters 18+ please for the first portion)

[unphase]

[Tinya lounges back wearing a little black dress in her sunroom with her batkitten, her kittens, and her Omen, Moonlight sitting at attention on the armrest of her chair]

So! This may seem like an unusual request, but I'm looking for friends. Friends with benefits, actually. I know that may sound strange, but I miss being close to someone. All are invited to apply, if that makes sense. I want to know whom I'm dealing with before I say yes to anything.

[and a Mona Lisa smile] And is it strange to spend more than five years bouncing between worlds? Who else has been through this? [a teasing smile] You don't necessarily have to be auditioning for the first role to answer, I promise.

Comments

[unphase]

[it's no one's fault but her own. Tinya's such a social person and she needs to feel needed and wants to feel wanted] ...I don't know. Someone who loves me, maybe? Romantic love. If my husband arrived, I would be overjoyed beyond words, but that doesn't seem likely.

[fogsong]

We never know who will wash up on the shores, Tinya, but... Listen, romantic love shouldn't be what cures your loneliness.

[unphase]

Maybe not. [a shaky smile, but one which would be convincing to all but two people: Sasuke and Sharon, both of whom she loves like the family she never had] But it can't hurt?

[fogsong]

I am pretty sure that's not a healthy way to live. [ which means that, yes, it might actually hurt. ]

[unphase]

[Tinya looks down with a sad smile] Probably. But all my life, all I wanted was love. Romance. I can't help still hoping for that.

[fogsong]

There's a difference between hoping for it and thinking it'll cure your loneliness. If you're lonely even with friends who care about you, love isn't going to cure that. That's... That's not a loneliness anyone but yourself can beat.

[unphase]

I know. I know I should know better. [she smiles a little wryly] I think it's partially the princess thing. I kept expecting a handsome prince or beautiful princess to carry me away and the curtain would close on a happily ever after.

That and I just plain miss my husband. He was at the other world for a while, had I told you that?

[fogsong]

No... No, you never mentioned that he was there, too. [ Sharon can only imagine how complicated that was, at least depending on the moment he was brought in to that world. ] How'd that go for you?

[unphase]

Mm-hmm. He was. I knew what I knew, but for him? The separation hadn't happened yet. So it was this awful thing and he had no idea.

[fogsong]

Did you try to talk to him about it?

[unphase]

...no. There were rules. Laws. Against telling someone from your past what lay in wait in their future. As much as I wanted to tell him he'd be taken advantage of, I couldn't.

[fogsong]

Oh shit. [ the word is breathed out. the law made sense in a way but it was still fucked up. she's infinitely grateful that Trench has no such laws. ] How'd you manage to deal with that? I can't imagine it'd be easy to hold back how you felt or what you feared. He could never know how much you were hurting.

Fucking hell, Tinya.

[unphase]

I...It was hard. [her voice cracks on the last word] I wanted to say something, but that world was like this one. Once left, the messages and information would be lost.

So I couldn't tell him. Couldn't warn him. Not at all. [and it's clear that she's fighting through tears]

[fogsong]

Did he ever pick up on the fact that something was wrong? [ Surely, he'd have to have noticed. Had to have stressed over it. But, then again, everything she knows about that other world was a nightmare in a way Sharon still has trouble processing. He could have easily chalked it up to the world. ]

[unphase]

...no. He noticed that I was a little clingy, but wrote it off as that world being what it was. [it's a nightmare Tinya herself often has trouble dealing with processing. so she mostly doesn't and represses, represses, represses]

[fogsong]

I'm sorry, Tinya. [ What a painful direction this conversation has taken and Sharon wishes she had the words to offer comfort. ] Would you tell him if he showed up here? Even if it can't change the future, it'll... you could at least sort it out with him.

(CW: rape)

[unphase]

It's...not all right. It probably never will be. But, thank you. [thinking about home, thinking about the other place. both always lead to a situation where she can barely imagine recovering from what happened] I...don't think so. How do you tell your husband he was consistently raped by another woman for nearly a year while she was using my face and personality?

[fogsong]

You're right, it probably won't ever be all right, and that's okay. We learn to live with it, live around it. [ Like Sharon, Tinya has wounds that won't ever fully heal but life continues on even when they don't want it to. The wound may not heal but the skin around it will toughen and the ache will become localized. ] You don't say it like that and what happens if he comes from after that? Or if she arrives? Not... talking about it with him might lead to problems in the future.

[unphase]

I suppose. It's driven a huge wedge between us, though. He doesn't want to talk about it and believe me, I've tried. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do, he's always been stubborn. [she grimaces] Part of being native to Rimbor. Talk big, act tough, never admit weakness. [she sighs and looks off camera for a moment] If he arrives--and that's a big if--I'll tell him. Do everything I can to coax him into letting himself be vulnerable for a little while.

And if she arrives...well. I've killed before. Granted, it won't stick, it never does, but people deserve to know what she's capable of before she recovers.

[fogsong]

Luckily, one of the... not always awful things about this city is the way it forces us to be vulnerable with people. [ Not always awful, just most of the time. ]

And if she ever arrives, you know I'll have your back dealing with her. [ She'd kill the woman herself just to keep Tinya's hands clean if she had to. ]

[unphase]

Mm-hmm. It's hard to play it cool and not care about the other person when you're in a life or death situation and your survival depends on each other. [honestly, that was how Tinya makes most of her friends since she started going to other worlds]

I know you will. And I'm so very grateful. [maybe the second time, but the first time? Imra Ardeen is hers]

[fogsong]

That and... the other ways this place likes to force contact. Like the speed dating last month. [ The life or death situations were big ones, too, of course. ]

What's her name? What's she look like? Just so I can keep an eye out. Give you a heads up if I encounter her.

[unphase]

Ugh. I managed to avoid that, myself. I realize that advertising for a friend with benefits is hardly classy, but at least this gives me the chance to really know someone first. Not just idle life or death conversation over cocktails.

[Tinya's expression hardens] Imra Ardeen. She's about an inch taller than me, she usually wears long, blonde hair in a ponytail, she has blue eyes, and a ridiculous attachment to wearing pink. Usually eye-gouging shades of it, too. [she sighs] The problem is, she's a telepath and I imagine she'd be a Paleblood to strengthen her powers even more.

[fogsong]

It wasn't that bad. I mean, well... You got shocked if you didn't answer a question truthfully but most people didn't try to take advantage of it.

Why does her being a telepath matter? [ Her experience with telepathy is limited to the kinds of telepaths that speak in one's mind and can sometimes read thoughts or feelings but most of them try not to. ]

[unphase]

Still. Not my thing. The other world was nothing but a meat market. I'd rather avoid that here.

Because she can see your moves, your tactics before you even figure out what they are. And she'll have a defense in place, even if it means invading your own mind without caring what she unearthed. She's very much a the ends justify the means sort of person. So am I, but at least I have some mercy and can't read minds.