deernet | [Text] [Anonymous] | Shadowbringers/Endwalker Spoilers

[Everything seems... frustrating. Everything seems like it's stewing. He wanders around, trying to find something to do other than swatting bugs and killing (and sometimes saving) beasts.]

[But is everything really... how it's supposed to be? He's not sure. He takes a crystal out of his pocket and stares at it for a while. He's not sure how to use the magic here - he's tried, but maybe because it crosses the rift he can't call upon others? He huffs in frustration, curling up a little bit.]

]But he doesn't let go of the crystal. This crystal, which means so much to him, that came to him through a twist of fate. ... But was it really fate? Or was it always going to happen?]

[Eventually, he grabs his omni and writes out a post. Anonymously, because... well. He doesn't want people to worry. Even if it'll probably be obvious that it's him...]

Is who you were in the past important to who you are now?

I would have said yes, but some days... some days I'm not sure. I don't know anymore.

Everything's so complicated and I don't even know if who I was is who I am now...

Maybe this was stupid to ask. Sorry.

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It feels like all the good parts are him. Like I don't have anything of myself that's... good.

Souls are confusing, and mine isn't even as complete as most people here. Probably.

What if people want you to be that person to them? But you can't. I can't.

Yeah. I get that.
Like with me, how it can sometimes feel like the only parts of me that can actually get anything done belong to someone else.
But when it comes to soul stuff, I don't really think anything comes from whole cloth.
Not anymore, at least.

Listen, I think that you can try to break apart what comes from him and what's left over, but I also think that that's way harder than it sounds, and it might drive you insane trying to do it.
'Cause everything is you. The good, the bad, the ugly.
Which is a different answer, but it's still a shitty one that won't make you happy.

Oh, do you mean in a literal sense? Such as some kind of reincarnation? Or do you mean you've had your memory altered to no longer remember?

Is it possible to... find out?

It is. But I did ask.

I guess maybe... he was me before. Or I was him, rather. But now the me that's here is me.

If that makes sense?

I believe reincarnation is the word. Souls in the afterlife in my world break apart and then clump together to create new souls. And some of those souls are from a very very long time ago.

With an attitude like that, you will.

Change yourself. It takes effort. Choices, day by day, moment by moment.

I end up helping people because I don't want to let them get hurt.

But maybe I don't have to do it alone.

So then everyone in your world is just pieces of everyone else reborn into a new person?

But then... if it's like that, were they really you? Were you really them? If you're a new person, then that's different. Or it feels different to me, anyway.

You're not the only one. Find a buddy. Find five. Change what needs to be changed.

You can do it.

Who cares what they want? You don't have to be anyone but yourself.

I'm the vessel for the soul of someone who I started to turn into after a while.
Trust me, it makes sense.

But it sounds almost like... well.
It sounds like you splintered off from him at some point?
A little like what happened to everyone in January, but more permanently.
That about the shape of it?
Because that doesn't make any of this any easier to figure out. Not your fault, just the way it shook out.

The girl who took my place wasn't half as concerned about being a good person as you are. You ever considered embracing being a dick?
(That's probably a joke.)

you know
someone once told me that sometimes you can not make the people around you happy unless you make yourself happy too
has anyone ever told you that

( Peter is trying very hard not to project too much here, but.... much of this does sound very familiar to things he can relate to, in whatever way those things may be. At the root of it anyway. It makes his heart hurt thinking that someone else is dealing with such a thing. )

I understand that too
I mean I'm sure it's different from what you're going through in ways but

"Self" and being affected by Other Shit is a lot more complicated for me than it probably is for other people
Sounds like it's like that for you too

What's bothering you about it?
I mean, I get why it would be, but... what's the part that's bothering you the most about all this, enough to make this post?

( And if this person weren't anonymous, Peter probably wouldn't have asked such a direct question, but maybe the person can feel a little bit safer to. Maybe this post is just reflection, or maybe it's some cry for help, or maybe it's not, but... he certainly doesn't mind being a sounding board for either. )

I guess? But there were some people who were especially powerful or important and that keeps on coming up.

And I keep getting told that I'm 'just like him' by people who knew him.

If I didn't have a piece of that person's soul, would I still be the way I am? It's not that I regret being kind to others and willing to venture out into the wilderness, but I wonder if that's more him than me.

I... have something of his - or at least something designed for him - but it doesn't work here the way it should. And I know it's not my fault, but it feels like it.

It's hard when friends just sort of end up happening to you. I grew up away from people, so making an active attempt at finding friends is different than what I'm used to.

But I can try.

I don't know.

And I don't know if I'm happy or not. I want to go home, but I can't. So I don't know what to do.

Something like that, I guess? I was made the same way everyone else was, I just happened to have had a clump of someone else's soul that was important in mine.

Not the first time I've been asked that, though probably the first so bluntly. And I don't think dickishness is in my nature. Teasing yes, but being outright stubborn and mean generally no.

But then the question comes up again - how much of me is me? If I could take out the part of someone's soul in mine then would I still be the way I am?

It's a hard question to answer, because it doesn't really have an answer. Probably.

It sounds like you owe him one, then.

But I think you’ve made up your mind already, haven’t you?

It's easier to answer than you'd believe.

All of you is you. If it's been there since you were born, it's all you even if part of it came from someone else. And, no, you probably wouldn't be the same if you took out that piece from your soul. You'd still be you but you'd be different. Probably.

I see. Maybe the answer is no then, but you still carry some small bit of that self now, most likely.

You cannot guarantee other people. You can only commit. Be the friend you wish to have. Once you know them, be the friend they wish for.

I don't know. I don't know if there's anything to be certain about right now.

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[Text] [Anonymous] | Shadowbringers/Endwalker Spoilers

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