[Text] [Anonymous] | Shadowbringers/Endwalker Spoilers

[aetherweaver]

[Everything seems... frustrating. Everything seems like it's stewing. He wanders around, trying to find something to do other than swatting bugs and killing (and sometimes saving) beasts.]

[But is everything really... how it's supposed to be? He's not sure. He takes a crystal out of his pocket and stares at it for a while. He's not sure how to use the magic here - he's tried, but maybe because it crosses the rift he can't call upon others? He huffs in frustration, curling up a little bit.]

]But he doesn't let go of the crystal. This crystal, which means so much to him, that came to him through a twist of fate. ... But was it really fate? Or was it always going to happen?]

[Eventually, he grabs his omni and writes out a post. Anonymously, because... well. He doesn't want people to worry. Even if it'll probably be obvious that it's him...]

Is who you were in the past important to who you are now?

I would have said yes, but some days... some days I'm not sure. I don't know anymore.

Everything's so complicated and I don't even know if who I was is who I am now...

Maybe this was stupid to ask. Sorry.

Comments

[aetherweaver]

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult, Chizuru.

I just don't want to make people upset. You included. I just don't know about... keeping all of this inside. I know I can't...

... I guess I'm just scared. Being.. vulnerable is scary.

[aetherweaver]

Of course it is. Everything that happens to you is a part of you. The idea of losing memories is... scary, to me. I've seen it happen and I don't like it.

I wouldn't want to forget the people and places here either. I've learned so much - my world is very different than this one in some ways, and I love learning things. I suppose I'm a bit of a nerd...

But it's the people most of all that I wouldn't want to forget.

[fogsong]

Nothing wrong with getting into a little trouble!

[aetherweaver]

I have someone I'm smooching, I wouldn't want to get drunk and smooch other people without asking if it's okay.

Alternatively I could get in a fight and seriously hurt someone, which I don't want to do.

[creidim]

I think sometimes it's very hard living another way when you're so used to living in one way. Expectations can be very difficult to rid yourself of.

I don't know if maybe it's one of those things that comes with a lot of time to work on things. I'm sorry, it's not fair for you. I hope maybe here in the Waking World you can lose those feelings of obligation.

[tealeafs]

[ .. oh. So it is someone who knows her. Sure, it could be someone who just saw her around on the network before, but she feels like they wouldn't use her name so casually.

Or maybe that's just her formal side speaking. ]

why do you think being vulnerable is scary

[fogsong]

Ding-dong ditch then!

[aetherweaver]

It is. Six years I spent living as a tool. I know no one intended me to be one, but that's what I was. A tool to save everyone. And now I've spent a year here, and... I don't know.

I still protect people, but it's... because I want to, not because I was told to. I don't have that expectation anymore... except from myself. I just don't know which 'self' it's from - me or him.

[aetherweaver]

I... don't know what that means?

[aetherweaver]

Because you could get hurt.

It's like an animal showing its belly - it's easy to hurt it there. It's the same thing with raw emotions and things like that.

[hauntedsavior]

Yeah. The people I've met here... I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Of course, when you're actually looking at

[she gets halfway through that and deletes it. it's too real right now.]

They've changed me and I'd like to think that I've changed them, too.
They'll leave a mark on me whatever happens.
I think that's a good way to find out your own identity, too. Just... looking at the way that others have helped you carry your burden.
The things you've learned from them and stuff like that.

[fogsong]

It's a prank. You knock on someone's door and then you run away before they answer it.

[aetherweaver]

... Why?

[fogsong]

Uh.

I don't really know? Because it's funny, maybe? I never did it, I just knew kids that did. They really enjoyed it.

[aetherweaver]

I suppose children do end up doing... strange things that they think are funny.

[aetherweaver]

I suppose it could be helpful that way. I'm just worried... that I don't know who I am at my core. Not defined by others.

... But I wouldn't give up the bonds I have. They've saved me again and again... and I don't know what I'd do without them.

I want to be there for them. I'm just afraid of losing myself.

[tealeafs]

but why would you get hurt if you are being vulnerable with someone you trust
the people who care about you would never hurt you
you do know that right

[fogsong]

You never know, it could be great. Could be the best game you've ever played.

[aetherweaver]

I know.

It's not logical, it's still scary.

[aetherweaver]

More fun than Tree Climbing Race?

[fogsong]

You're gonna have to give me the run down because I have never heard of that before.

[aetherweaver]

It's about what it sounds - you either find a tree sturdy enough to hold two people or you find two trees of reasonably the same height. You pick a finish line and have someone shout 'go', and you race up the tree(s) until you reach the finish point. Whoever's there first is the winner.

Usually we'd bet candy on it, as that was hard to come by where I grew up.

[fogsong]

That sounds both fun and a great way to break an ankle. That makes it a top-tier kid's game.

[aetherweaver]

At the risk of outing myself, it helps when you have claws.

[fogsong]

Don't worry, it doesn't out you. At least not to me. But, yeah, claws sound like they'd help.