video | slammaroni

[klussy]

Content Warnings: Hospice care, mercy killing/medically induced death, allusions to substance abuse, eye horror/descriptive disease like symptoms around eyes, allusion of visible disease/infection.

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(It has been a while since Eddie has really shown himself to anyone. He has spent most of the month in isolation, studying, and he hardly seems to realize how much time has gone by. Eddie's poised, sitting at a desk, a shelf of well-organized medical supplies. Eddie himself has looked better, but he doesn't seem particularly bothered by his current appearance.

The right side of his face has developed a widespread dark gray speckling, not too unlike mold, spiderwebbing between his freckles and consuming the majority of the skin around his right eye. The white sclera of his white eye has been completely drowned out by the gray coloring, melting into the natural grays of his iris.

But when he talks, his voice is steady, soft, and reminiscent of Eddie's actual disposition, though far calmer than some may be used to.)

Hi. I wasn't going to do a video, but I figured I might as well let people know that this seems to be a reoccurring thing with me. I think it has to do with my vileblood and I haven't learned how to control it yet. Don't worry. I don't think I'm sick, but I think I can make other people really sick with this stuff.

(He points to the speckling. It is a little unusual for Eddie to not be having a complete meltdown over what looks like some sort of infection though, isn't it? But Eddie's already there:)

I'm not really making this video about all that. If you see me, you see me. Be careful about touching me or being around me for too long. What I am making this video about is Soma.

(He leans back and picks up a vial of something that didn't seem quite like blood, but was some sort of potion.)

I don't know who else has been there yet...But I wouldn't recommend casually dropping by unless you're a Blood Minister. I think it's this place's version of hospice care and it's for the people who uh...Have no chance of recovering.

(To put it in the kindest way possible.)

I volunteer there sometimes. It's...Really sad. Most of the people there aren't Sleepers. They don't come back after they've gone to sleep, but the Soma helps a lot. Blood ministers can help too. Umm.

(Eddie rubs at his cheek, frowning.)

I know this is probably a controversial subject. Some people don't really agree with mercy killing. I think most of those people don't work in the medical field though. I know there's a lot of ominous shit around Soma but...Some people want to go. Some people need to go. It's not really a matter of who's right or wrong on this weird moral high ground thing. Being a medical professional is about doing what is best for your patient at all times and respecting their quality of life above all else. That's...That's what I believe, anyway.

(He curls his prosthetic around the vial of Soma.)

This drug - whatever it is - is valuable. It helps. I use it to sleep, and we use it over at Soma to put people into the forever sleep. I'm gonna say this right now: I wouldn't medically recommend this substance to anyone who doesn't know how to deal with this kinda drug. It's very dangerous.

(...Which means Eddie probably shouldn't be using it either, but you know what!!!)

I guess I just wanted to speak up about it before some self-righteous asshole walked past the place and made the worst conclusion humanly possible. Like, yeah, there are a lot of screams in that place, but it's a place of dying people. People who are going through the worst hell in their lives. Just- fuck. Not everyone's evil in that place, okay? Okay. I guess that's all I wanted to say.

(He reaches towards the camera then stops halfway.)

...Well, that, and I guess if you ever need me to do that for someone...For you...We can have that conversation. I want to save whoever I can. Keeping people alive is always my priority. But I'm not interested in subjecting anyone to torture either. So. If you need a nurse to make that choice...I will.

Thanks. (Feed Off.)

Comments

un: trienemybest; video

[droptheious]

[Eddie's appearance is pretty damn concerning and Varian can feel a knot of dread at the sight of him. He doesn't want to see anyone suffer, especially someone who's family to him.]

Yeah, you really don't...don't look great there, Bud. You're not winning any beauty pagents anytime soon, hate to break it to you.

[What he has to say is rough, but... understandable. Varian's morality had remained firmly in the grey area for a long time. You can't do what he's done and come out squeaky clean at the end of it. Sometimes, you've got to do what needs doing. He sure as hell has, back home and here. ]

I'm glad they're getting the help they need. Sometimes...you just get to a point where the moral high ground is levelled out. Just how it is.

[Maybe if he'd been asked about this a few years ago, he'd have been horrified. A lot of his friends back home would be- Rapunzel definitely would. He remembered how upset she was at Project Obsidian, as much as it was a necessary evil to keep the kingdom safe at the time. ]

How are they for supplies for that drug? I can always try to replicate it in my lab. See if I can boost the supply chain like I did with the antidotes.

[He can't do much here, but he can do that. Pragmatic as always. ]

And thanks. Duly noted...uh, on the offer.

video

[klussy]

(It was either the blood or corruption and Eddie had no way of telling which. At least it hasn't gotten worse? Eddie frowns at what Varian's says, but he also doesn't look gutted as he might have. Instead, he winds up shrugging.)

I wasn't ever gonna win any of those anyway. Now I super never will. (Take that, self-esteem!)

I think it's easy for people who are removed from the suffering to talk about what should be done with the suffering. People think 'cause they've seen it at a glimpse that they understand...But they don't.

(They never, ever do. Seeing one hour of someone screaming was different than seeing them live it day to day with no relief, never.)

I would do it for any Sleeper too. (Eddie stares at the drug inquisitively.)

It's abundant. I think it's blood magic. I've been wondering myself. But it might be good to start making replicants for around. It's definitely the kindest way to kill someone. You just fall asleep and don't even realize it. If you take a small amount, it just puts you to normal sleep but gives you this awesome euphoric feeling.

[droptheious]

[Varian winces a little at the frown- he'd been aiming for their usual shit-talking, but he feels he might have missed the mark a little this time. ]

Seriously, though- are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help?

[Because if he can help, he damn well will.]

No, I guess they wouldn't. It's... it's a lot easier to judge from up on high, huh?

[There's a very big difference.]

I know you would. And huh- I might bear that in mind. Maul helped me with the sleeping problems I was having, but it doesn't hurt to have something else in my back pocket, just in case. And no problem, I can see what I can do with them- if nothing else, I might be able to improve them.

audio; un: doublehedgedsword

[laminae]

Dang dude, is your blood really doing that? [It reminds him a little of the ashy ton Varian's skin had taken on, before Maul helped him get a good night's rest.] Is this just a normal thing blood does now?

[Glob, does he have to worry about more changes to his body?

The rest of this message is pretty serious, but he gets it. It wouldn't be the first time he's talked about putting someone out of their misery before - it had happened back in Ooo, and back in Deerington. Those memories aren't pleasant, far from it, but they were necessary.]

Good to know about that Soma place. It sounds like a place this city needs. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a huge jerk. It's gotta be rough on you, huh? It, uh... was for me, when I had to deal with that kind of thing.

audio

[klussy]

I think so. I think it responds to my emotions but not in a sappy, poetic way. I mean I think it literally responds to the chemicals in my brain making my emotions happen? (He rubs lightly at the spots, frowning.)

I have no idea. I've never really been good at controlling my emotions so uh...Probably. The Soma is kind of helping. (And so is drinking blood, but God, he didn't want to commit back to that lifestyle either exactly.)

Like I won't lie - it comes off as a super nefarious place. I think there are some twisted fuckers who go there too, but for the most part, it does seem...Okay. (As okay as a place that killed people could be anyway.

He's a little surprised by the empathy, his brows rising up. It's probably the last thing he had anticipated. Not because Fern wasn't a good guy, but...Well, damn, maybe the isolation had been eroding him more than he realized.)

Yeah. It's never a good part of the job. I did it a few times to Wastes back in Deerington. That was always sad. This place is pretty sad too, but most of these people...They're so corrupt they don't even know who they are any more or what's going on. I think I mostly wind up feeling bad that I couldn't figure out something more to do for them.

[laminae]

Thaaaat sounds complicated. Also not great? What if you keep changing until you're just - something else? Like the squid stuff, but worse.

[He really doesn't want this to be yet another thing, their new blood turning them into something else.]

Hey, I think a lot of places around here come off as super nefarious. [The creepy blood tree in their neighbourhood, for instance.] That might just be part and parcel of the city.

[Finn might be a little more opposed to this kind of thing, but Fern? No way.]

C'mon man, you're just one person. If they can't already do something to turn corrupted people back to normal, then that's just gotta be how things are. It sucks a lot, but you're doing what you can to help.

un: seeingtheworld; video

[schoolingfish]

[He saw the whole video, and none of it is anything he's ever given any thought to, and most of it is something he'd rather not think about. But...the first part is a very serious concern. Well, actually, Eddie's face is a very serious concern.]

Uh...you look...you said you think it's something to do with being a vileblood? I...what makes you think that? I mean, I'm a vileblood, and I don't...I mean, the only weird things I've noticed are...

Um...

Have you tried doing anything to make it go away yet?

...have you needed to eat anything really weird this month? And wanting to ingest a different weird thing last month and this month?

[Now he's just trying to figure out if this is what would have happened if he hadn't given in to the desire to drink blood last month...or if he hadn't taken that guy's advice on eating poison this month.]

video

[klussy]

(Eddie waited, staring off a bit while Luca got his way through what he wanted to say.)

I think it has to do with my emotions. You only just met me, but normally I'm pretty hysterical. I have some serious anxiety issues. This shit - (He gestures to the speckling on his face.) Gets really bad when I'm super upset. I had a full panic attack on the beach and it was just - spores everywhere.

Thankfully a paleblood found me but...(He shakes his head, frowning.) And I'm trying to take Soma but I'm not sure how smart that is to take the way I'm taking.

(He'll find out the hard way!

Eddie knows pretty much immediately what Luca is getting at. If he hadn't gone through something so similar before, he probably would have been more reluctant to talk about it. But at this point - why bother shying away?)

Yeah, it seems like I gotta drink blood to keep my shit stable. That or just eat literal poison. It's weird, but I think us vilebloods might work physically different than a lot of the others do. I think our powers have to do with physicality, and the actual chemistry make-up in our bodies. I think there might be a bit more uh - complications with our blood.

video

[schoolingfish]

Oh. That's...bad.

[Really bad, if the guy couldn't even feel emotions without becoming dangerous to be around. Thankfully, Luca hasn't noticed anything like that. All he's noticed so far with being poisonous was that monster in the arena nearly passing out when it bit him.]

And it sounds like you've already tried...the things that might help. Are you sure you should be directly talking about drinking blood on the network, though? I mean, it could get dangerous. If people watched this.

...is that why the townsfolk don't seem to like the whole vileblood thing?

video | un: stiles

[kingofsarcasm]

[Well this is not what he expected to see the next time he had an encounter with Eddie. Nor is it what he expected to hear. He sits with his elbows on his knees looking at the Omni for a long moment as his knee jiggles up and down rapidly. This is a subject that hits close to home for him, having lost his mother in a slow and torturous way, and that's his face that looks like it's halfway through the horror movie make-up process. It's a lot.

But by the time he gets himself to respond, he's more upright and together-seeming.]

Hey, did you do something with your hair? Something's different today. [There's a little grin on his face that fades as he looks off to the side, a shuttering hand coming up to press and cup at his mouth a moment. Little hints at how personal the subject is to him… and that he's in adderall withdrawal.] But in all seriousness, I guess that's one thing we can agree on. Just give yourself a break from it now and then, alright? …Cool, good talk.

[Have a thumbs up, Eddie.]

video

[klussy]

I got my eyebrow pierced. (He moves his hair out of the way to show off the fact that he did, indeed, get his eyebrow pierced. He belatedly realizes that's not at all what Stiles was making a joke out of though and he drops his hand a second later, feeling a prickle of awkwardness.

Unlike their last time, Eddie doesn't move to make some smartass comment. He had seen that tragedy unfold one too many times. Had seen his own father wither away in a hospital bed. That and there's something else familiar going on with Stiles that Eddie could see in himself, the twitchy movements, that strained look-.

But he wasn't going to make speculations off one clip. He just ...keeps it in mind.)

So you do have the capacity to think after all. (Okay, so he can still muster up a dry comment, but there's sincerity in it somewhere too. A quiet gratitude.)

Uh. (He looks the slightest bit guilty, looking off camera.) I don't really take breaks.

(He knows that's..........bad.)

I just need to keep myself distracted, you know?

[kingofsarcasm]

[For a second he thinks Eddie is going along with the light take because that's probably what he would do. But nope, it's pretty clear he genuinely forgot he looks like hell and thought Stiles sincerely meant his eyebrow piercing. Well, that's not a good sign, and yet Stiles can't help but speak the truth.]

Ugh god, our face was not made for piercings. [He says in a tight voice with a visible wince. Then he seems to hear his own words a second later and his eyes flicker.] Sorry.

[It's not very sincere. But moving on, right? His voice is flat and dry next.] You'd probably blow a fuse if you could hear how fast I think.

[A bit of an ADHD joke right there. Then he lets out a breath.] And look, there's plenty of other ways to distract yourself, but I'm not telling you something you don't already know. So if you ever feel like doing something other than- that… I might be able to help.

…And before you start, that wasn't a proposition.

Video UN: blackmoths CW: talk of mercy killing

[blackmothwings]

Hello, Eddie.

[Her greeting is as gentle as ever, filled with the fondness that she has always had for him. She had been worried over his absence, and so now she can't help but feel concerned over his alarming appearance.

But she has heard the word vileblood before, and -- better still -- she knows that their blood is the same. There is something dark and terrible about their blood, something that can make people ill. Something that can take life away. She saw that while she was protecting Will last month.]

Some people simply do not understand that mercy killing is... necessary at times. Sometimes, people simply cannot live on. You are doing a difficult job -- one that few could ever truly handle. But, I am, as always, proud of you.

[She smiles. It's tired, but warm.]

How are you, my darling?

Re: Video UN: blackmoths CW: talk of mercy killing

[klussy]

Hi Luci.

(He continues to be so - grateful to hear from her whenever he does. Staying away from people was easy enough, but staying away from her and some of the others was never easy. Merely an evil necessity at this point.

Though he does wonder if vileblood's toxins could impact each other. If it was only palebloods who could have some extent of immunity. There was just so much to learn and it was easy to get lost to it all.)

People don't want to give up, I think. They see mercy killing as intentionally ignoring the possibility of saving someone. But some people...just can't be saved. Miracles are rare for a reason. And I think it can be ummm...reprehensible...? (Is that the right word.) To act like someone should wait on a miracle. It's sentimental and nice in the movies, but in real life, it's just cruel and selfish.

(He smiles at Luci, sitting a little straighter. He might be worn down and tired, but it felt nice to have...some reassurance.)

Thank you. I'm...trying really hard. To adapt to this place. I think I'm learning a lot.

(About himself, about the new blood. It wasn't all bad.)

I'm tired. I'm trying to figure out how to be a blood minister. There's a lot to what they do, but it really seems to work well. How have you been?

[blackmothwings]

[She wants to see him. She really does. If she could withstand toxins and poisons now, then surely she'd be able to withstand the toxins that run in Eddie's vein. Surely she'd be able to hug him, as she'd done once before in a place called Deerington.]

It is a harsh reality that some people simply cannot face. Death comes for us all; there is a point where we cannot turn back from the brink of death. It is there, waiting for us, no matter what we do — a sad truth and one that everyone ought to try and understand. I should hope no one argues with you because you are simply being a realist. You always have been.

[She listens, giving him her full attention. She sits up as tall as she can, elegant and rigid but with that gentleness that she rarely affords others.]

I'm glad to hear that you're adapting well. I have faith that you will master blood ministry and do so quickly.

[And then she nods.]

I have been well. I am slowly learning about my own blood. It seems to have become a weapon -- something I've discovered accidentally.

text; un: shiro

[shiro2hero]

Are you okay?

[Look, we can talk about the serious issues here. We'll talk about how fucking proud of you he is for everything here. But first...]

[He is a bit concerned.]

text

[klussy]

believe it or not im actually doing better than i was. it's just been a lot learning how to manage the blood stuff, but i think i've got the hang of it now?

(Enough to not be a total walking death trap. It wasn't perfect but it sure as hell was better than giving off spores.)

Text; un: Reaper

[no_reload]

[Ed's appearance is more of a concern than any topic of conversation. He also found himself more concerned about the exposure of that drug, which he knew Moira would have enjoyed learning the biochemical make up of. He didn't like it in Ed's hands, but he was going to have to trust the kid wasn't going to do anything too stupid.

Also, Ed was too calm. He'd have to do something about that.]

Why waste a valuable drug when a bullet or knife will suffice and it's reusable? It might be more messy, but it requires less overt skill than trying to find a vein with a needle.

If you need help putting someone down, feel free to contact me any time.

Even if it's just someone you don't like.

[He still likes you enough to perform a hit on someone, Eddie.]

[klussy]

some people would probably argue bullets are just as useful as a drug and sometimes harder to make or find. most drugs are replicated in mass quantity and are pretty accessible.

the knife i will give you though. that's probably the most accessible of the options

but i dont do that because most people don't want to be aware the moment they're dying and the people going down rough don't really need to go down any rougher. i'm good with finding a vein. if i ran out of the drug i'd just use air

(Thankfully Eddie's become somewhat...better about his drug habits. Kind of. He at least seemed aware enough to not and flippantly abuse a drug from an entirely different world at the drop of a hat.

But man, he was too calm.

He reads that last bit and laughs lowly to himself.)

i have a really long list of people i dont like

Video | Clickclickbloom

[onekindsoul]

Hey.

I just want you to know I understand what you mean. And uh- I know it's awkward but if you ever need someone to- you know. I'm here to do that too.

video

[klussy]

(Oh.

He's almost surprised to hear this coming from Ruby, but then again, was he really? With the kind of world she comes from, it isn't like death is uncommon. She probably gets what it's like to see some of the ugliest ways a person can go.

He gives her a gentle look. Not exactly a smile, but it was better than one.)

Not awkward at all. I appreciate it. I'd trust you to help me with that kind of thing. (He knew she wouldn't just be strolling along to get her rocks off.)

I bet you have really soothing bedside manners.

un: eudaimonikos; video

[eudaimonikos]

[Michael doesn't...really care about the topic of mercy killing, quite frankly. Given the nature of his past work, he's plenty aware that there are times when humans would prefer oblivion over more suffering. Someone who'd grant that wish is just someone kinder than he'd been.

But, as long as we're on the topic of his self-recrimination: Michael hasn't forgotten how he ignored the weird shit going on with Eddie, way back when. All signs point to this being somewhat more benign - he actually seems like he's feeling better than when they last spoke, face gunk aside. He won't feel okay unless he checks in, though.]

Does that...affect your vision at all?

[klussy]

(See, this is exactly why Eddie liked Michael. There were some things that some people would never want to understand, no matter how much it made sense. Eddie's never struggled too much with moral conundrums. He fell swiftly to one side or the other and just stayed there.

One day, Eddie's going to pick up on this. Though, in some ways, he already has, because he feels a mild warmth at Michael even asking after him. It's an uncomfortable feeling that faintly reminds him of every time Shiro asks after him.

It was the feeling of being cared for. Ugh.

He holds his hand up over his good eye, frowning in thought.)

Not...too much. The peripheral is a little dark, but that's about it. It's kinda like wearing a really shitty pair of sunglasses.

video | un: sharpshooter

[azurestar]

[It's kind of impossible to see Eddie looking and talking like that and not be massively concerned. But he also knows what it's like to have concern directed at him so heavily he feels bad for not being okay. So Lance is doing his best to hold back just how worried he is.]

Why am I not surprised that the first time I see you since I got here, you're going right for the hot button issues? [He half smiles and then lets out an exaggerated breath as he leans back and rubs at the back of his neck.] I actually asked a guy to mercy kill me a few months ago. It wasn't too bad.

video

[klussy]

(Lance, you're a true bro. Lance actually manages to get a hesitant smile from Eddie, but a genuine one all the same. It feels like forever since anyone's gotten him to smile.)

What can I say? I gotta keep my rep up as a controversial figure. Although I think a lot of people skipped this one clear over. (He laughs a little himself because Lance wasn't wrong. Eddie had a serious case of foot-in-mouth syndrome but the online edition.)

I'm sorry, man. I mean. I get it though. Did he at least do it all right?