Video: UN - CentaursTesticle

[alternia_strength]

[Oh thank god. This one wasn't Equius' eye-blistering text message for once. Why? Well, because what Equius was doing right now required a visual aid, so video was more appropriate. The troll is standing in front of the camera, growling at an anvil and holding a heavy looking mallet. He is dressed in a pitch-black dyed leather apron along with equipment designed to handle heat. There's a towel hanging over a rack nearby, three of them actually, and he looks like he's worked up a sweat already. Setting down the hammer, he pulls out a stylus and holds it up so the camera can see it clearly.]

Residents of Trench. It seems I am made to continue to exist at the whims of others more powerful than myself, and for the time being I accept this condition. [Grunt] But I am a firm believer that idle hands are Troll Satan's playthings and accustomed to making myself useful. Rather than leaving my place of occupation, because for some reason I can't seem to find my way out of this district and am disgusted with the lack of direction everyone possesses around me at present, I offer my services.

This? Is a stylus, with which I can draw. [Snort. He took a piece of paper.] That is not important. What is important is that I possess a capacity I refer to as Alchemization. It is a ... gift I learned in more recent years. What I draw on paper, I can create. Thusly.

[He scrawled on the paper, before producing what looked like metal ingots, if they were drawn by a child. Emblazoned on them was the symbol Fe, for Iron. He dared the camera to speak about his skills at drawing before putting the paper down and reaching into the drawing, pulling out a set of metal ingots and setting them on the anvil.]

Complex creations take more energy, and there are limits, but I can create non-living things. I am skilled at assembling those things into others that are more useful. My specialty is weapon and armor crafting. I am told some of you have an interest in this subject.

So. Speak. I am looking for people to work with in the fabrication of instruments of death and destruction most fearsome and willing to create objects of necessity for others. Might as well make myself useful while I am trapped here.

...

And do not mock my drawing skills, or I will throw one of these ingots at you. I only need so much iron in the forge today. They make passable projectiles in my hands.

Comments

video; UN: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

Dude! That is super sweet!

So it's not a weapon, but if I wanted like, a pasta machine I could get you to do that?

Oh! And I have a recipe for, uh, troll slime? If you need it.

un: trienemybest; video

[droptheious]

[DUDE.]

...Well, I've definitely never seen alchemy like that before. I'd love to see what limits you have with that ability. How do your fabrications hold up to the actual things you create? Are there weaknesses in them or are they fundamentally the same?

[alternia_strength]

I am stocked on sopor slime and have a cocoon. It was one of my first creations. We did not need the side effect of my being unable to sleep properly.

[He grunted.]

A pasta maker. I am distantly familiar with what pasta is. It is the glutanous noodle-like substance that humans frequently eat, correct? If there is a device that can make such things, I would need schematics to draw it properly.

But a device of that nature can be crafted. Probably.

[alternia_strength]

Alchemization is a term from my world referring to a process of fabrication from core materials within a game setting. It is similar enough to the punch cards used that I utilize the term, though that is not exactly accurate. I suppose I could call it "Drawing Life" if I really wished to thank Freyr for their assistance long ago, but I'd rather not. There is, however, a difference I believe.

[Namely that, names aside, nothing he did was at all like actual alchemy of any world.]

I am capable of creating a basic item with ease. It will hold up to scrutiny and trial as well as any other such object of generic and appropriate materials. But, as an example, there is a difference between the average claymore and one fashioned of what I have heard referred to as "Damascus Steel." To fashion a higher quality item, I summon the parts and assemble them appropriately. Or I create the pieces of a more complex item and then assemble those into the usable state.

They are permanent, but if you want higher end, more drawings, more time and unique items may be needed. I could not, for example, fashion a katana of truly exquisite quality with even the finest drawings. The metal still needs to be heated, folded, baked, fired and the blade itself sharpened properly.

[kyley_b]

Oh, okay, good! I should have figured as soon as I saw this video, duh. And yours is better than mine, I'd assume. Well. I could pay you some other way.

Yeah, exactly. I could totally come up with a schematic.

text | carcinoGeneticist (Cw: bullying i gUESS)

[klawful]

FIRST QUESTION: HOW DO YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO SOUND INSUFFERABLE WITHOUT EVEN TRYING?

SECOND QUESTION: YOU CAN'T THROW THAT INGOT THROUGH TIME AND SPACE SO HAHA YOUR DRAWINGS SUCK ABSOLUTE DICK. A CRIPPLED BLIND WIGGLER COULD DO BETTER. DO YOU REALLY CALL THAT A DRAWING? I'VE PUKED MORE COHESIVE PICTURES.

OKAY, NOW THAT I HAVE THOROUGHLY DISMANTLED YOUR CONFIDENCE AND HOPEFULLY RUINED YOUR DAY, MAKE ME SOME ARMOR.

[alternia_strength]

The method of reproduction does not require precise chemical composition to be effective. So, it is very much what is expected. As for repayment for services, yes we can make simple arrangements for such. Just send the schematics or a picture of what it is you wish so that I can render it correctly.

This does not not sound like an extremely complicated device at least.

Re: text | carcinoGeneticist (Cw: bullying i gUESS)

[alternia_strength]

D --> That says more about you than me
D --> I sound e%actly how I always sound

D --> That is not a question
D --> And I do not e%pect you to do anything other than engage in mockery so I almost treat this as familiar language from you
D --> Why would I throw a perfectly g00d projectile at your think pan for doing what I predicted you would do anyway the moment I said it

D --> Define armor
D --> Do you want to stress mobility with minimal protection or heavy protection at the e%pense of that mobility
D --> Concealable or visible
D --> Do you have an e%act style that you wish to promote in some demented concept of fashion over utility
D --> I would ask if you had a preference on Alternian current technological advances but we both know that the only troll who would ever admit to wearing armor was either low bl00ded or in it for style over substance

[because armor was like admitting weakness after all.]

[droptheious]

...Okay I only understood a few of those words. Within a game setting? What do you mean by that?

[He's seen lots of very different activities which have been given some sort of name of 'alchemy' but now. He's around to keep an open mind about it. ]

Fascinating, so if you added different chemical formulae on there, do you think you could pull out the combined chemical compound out of the paper? Or...well, I guess break down those chemical formulae into something more simple and then combine them? Like...does it have to be a solid or can you form a liquid? And if you create a liquid, would you add a container to it to stop it going everywhere?

[Sorry, Equius, this is wild to him, so you're getting all the questions. ]

[alternia_strength]

As in the fact that I was literally drawn into the digitized universe of a video game for a period of my life. The schematics of it and its capacity to conjure a full architecture and bubbled reality separate from our universe sufficient to keep us alive while we reconstructed our own destroyed reality are beyond my capacity to understand. We simply were in a video game.

Alchemization was the mechanic of constructing equipment from core crafting materials within SGRUB and SBURB. When I was forced into a second game in the City of Asgard, the assistance of Freyr enabled me to continue the practice through this method.

[More literally Freyr let him borrow his artistic magic, but that was beside the point. Equius was as stubborn as Varian about viewing it in scientific terms.]

I have found that, if I am conjuring raw material, I can utilize human periodic terminology as part of the drawing's structure to fashion the actual object. Ergo, I included Fe, for a ferrous compound. It caused the stamped ingot to have the Fe logo, but also to be composed of Iron. Solids and contained liquids are possible, but gases or living structures would be impossible, though I suppose a sealed ampule could be constructed with a specified gas in it. That might be a way to acquire Chlorine.

[He was pounding on his hammer, molding one of the heated bars and commenting between the motions of the mallet onto the anvil, sparks flying. His tone was somewhat distant, like a professional caught up in his work.]

Tooled, pre-built components can be made, though too much complexity requires more drawing, and limiits my capacities. I have yet to attempt to craft a robot, but did so in Asgard at one time.

I would need to come up with a new design. Aradia would be extremely cross with me if I did not first, and I am a perfectionist.

[kyley_b]

I can cook pretty decent, if you like human food.

Nah, it's basically a handle and a set of rolling plates. It's just to flatten dough.

[klawful]

YES, THAT IS TRUE, YOU ARE CONSISTENT IN YOUR TERRIBLE PERSONALITY.

LAME. AND HERE I WAS THINKING I WOULD FINALLY GET TO BE WIPED FROM EXISTENCE PERMANENTLY.

IT IS ARMOR FOR A HUMAN. IT CAN BE VISIBLE. FUCK FASHION, NO ONE CARES ABOUT THAT, JUST MAKE IT FUNCTIONAL AND SOMEWHAT MOBILE AND LIGHT FOR A HUMAN NOT USED TO ARMOR.

[alternia_strength]

I detest most human food. Our means of preparation are what I have heard described once as "Crudo." Simply trading for the supplies is sufficient.

That should not be difficult to craft in the end.

[alternia_strength]

D --> It would cause a pain in the think pan at worst
D --> Do not be such a primadonna

D --> Riot armor or Kevlar
D --> Armor of that sort can be fashioned with the right references
D --> I need measurements to fit this properly
D --> Or you could send this human my direction and I can measure him
D --> I am not e%actly a tailor but measurements are not difficult

D --> Why is this human not asking me directly

[klawful]

BUT I AM SO GOOD AT IT.

BOTH. I STILL CAN'T DETERMINE THE MOST COMMON THREAT HERE.

BECAUSE I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT IT WHEN I SAW YOU MENTION ARMOR AND REALIZED MY MOIRAIL-ISH IS A VULNERABLE HUMAN BECAUSE APPARENTLY, I AM A MAGNET FOR HUMANS.

[droptheious]

...Okay that's...a new one. My whole world was in a movie, apparently. But I wasn't aware of it until I got here? I'm- I don't know if I should say I'm sorry? Was it hard? Learning you were...in a video game?

[Because he kind of freaked out about the Disney thing at first. Varian makes a note of that, though- stubbornly sticking to science in a world of obnoxious magical bullshit is definitely something he can deeply relate to. ]

And he's me having to do it the old fashioned way and actually mix chemical components together to get what I need. I don't know if I should be jealous or impressed.

[He brightens happily at the mention of a robot though!!]

Oh, I've made some robots before! I haven't...uh for a while. I kind of used them for [attempted murder] ....not great reasons. But I had some pretty impressive automatons once. Is Aradia a friend of yours?

[kyley_b]

Okay, whatever works for you.

Thanks dude!

1/2

[alternia_strength]

D --> Being g00d at being an undesirable thing is not a g00d thing Karkat

D --> That was not a question
D --> They are similar forms of armor to each other though one has plates that are more visible than the other

...

...

...

[alternia_strength]

D --> You have a moirail already

[klawful]

IT IS WHEN IT LIMITS YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH ANNOYING ASS PEOPLE.

DUDE, I'LL BE HONEST, I DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ARMOR.




YES BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU I AM EXTREMELY GIFTED AT FULFILLING MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS AND FILLING MY QUADRANTS. JEALOUS? WHO AM I KIDDING. OF COURSE YOU ARE.

(He actually wasn't, but he was a pathetic romantic and after being with Dave for years, he super did not want to be alone. Plus Kyle was awesome. Plus Karkat was a dumbass who absolutely did this shit all the time.)

[alternia_strength]

D --> I would be concerned if you knew much about armor
D --> Armor is anathema to our people
D --> Even you are not so combat averse
D --> Even Tavros was not

D --> Not e%actly
D --> I am not l00king to find a moirail because I will never find a better one than I had
D --> And I have no emotional needs
D --> I thought I did for a second
D --> But it was flatulence

[That was actually a joke.]

cw: coerced romance

[klawful]

I AM FUCKING SICK AT COMBAT. I DIED WAY LESS TIMES THAN ALL YOU ASSHOLES DID.



YOU LITERALLY MADE AN ENTIRE ROBOT TO FORCIBLY TRAP ARADIA'S SOUL AND TRY TO FORCE HER TO RETURN YOUR DISGUSTING FEELINGS. YOU FEEL TOO *STRONGLY* AS IT WERE AND HAVE NO IDEA OF HOW TO SELF-MANAGE YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL NEEDS AND NOW I GUESS BECAUSE OF THAT YOU'RE PRETENDING LIKE YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE AT ALL WHEN THAT'S JUST DEEPLY UNHEALTHY. TROLLS ARE MEANT TO HAVE THEIR QUADRANTS FILLED AND NEPETA WAS PERFECT FOR YOU, EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T PERFECT FOR HER, BUT SOMEONE ELSE COULD STILL BE GOOD FOR YOU. AND ALSO, SELFISHLY, FOR MY OWN SANITY.

NOT THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU, BUT TO HAVE A FUNCTIONING TEAM OUR QUADRANTS SHOULD AT LEAST BE RELATIVELY WELL BALANCED.

(Karkat, no one's on your fucking team...!)

ALSO THAT JOKE WAS FIT FOR A WIGGLER I AM SO EMBARRASSED YOU EVEN TYPED THAT AND SENT IT.

Re: cw: coerced romance

[alternia_strength]

...

[Grunt]

D --> You do not need to remind me about my errors with Aradia
D --> It t00k nearly a sweep to properly apologize to her
D --> Which of course she seemed not to even understand because of her emotional distance to literally everything
D --> Why do you think I am not creating a robot with my powers at the moment
D --> T00 much temptation to simply recreate that robot

[NOT REMOTELY THE POINT EQUIUS]

D --> I am not engaging in romantic frivolities until I am more certain of my own think pan
D --> But if I begin to e%perience calligonous emotional e%pression I may seek out an ausptice
D --> The last occasion I began to e%press those feelings it did not end well
D --> Though they did survive the e%perience so that was a positive

[EQUIUS, YOU"RE NOT HELPING!]

D --> Currently my view is that leaving my quadrants untouched in the cold void of nothingness I was tasked to e%press in the game is best
D --> There is balance in nothingness

D --> Also there are no teams
D --> And that joke was STRONG and beautiful in its purility
D --> Dave human would have laughed

[Dave had occasionally scatalogical humor. That didn't say much.]

Re: cw: coerced romance

[klawful]

(Wow, the bastard really has changed, huh.)

WE HAVE ALL DONE STUPID SHIT IN OUR QUEST FOR ROMANTIC FULFILLMENT. AT LEAST YOU HAD THE GOOD SENSE TO BOTHER WITH AN APOLOGY AT ALL. THAT'S MORE THAN SOME ASSHOLES CAN SAY.

I JUST FIGURED IT WAS BECAUSE YOU BECAME INCOMPETENT WITH IT OR SOMETHING.

(Oh...Hm.)

I BEGRUDINGLY ADMIRE YOUR SELF-AWARENESS AND BITTERLY RESPECT THAT DECISION TO KEEP A ROMANTIC DISTANCE UNTIL YOU ARE ADJUSTED. THAT IS ACTUALLY WILDLY MATURE AND PROMISING FOR YOUR FUTURE QUADRANTS. AS YOUR LEADER, I APPROVE OF YOUR GROWTH, IT WILL BENEFIT THE TEAM AS A WHOLE.

THERE *IS* A FUCKING TEAM BECAUSE I GODDAMN SAID THERE IS. AND YOU KNOW WE WILL NEED A TEAM THE MOMENT SHIT HITS THE FAN SO IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO OPERATE UNDER THE PRETENSE THAT WE ARE STILL A FUNCTIONING UNIT READY FOR THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO AT ALL FUCKING TIMES. YOU'RE ON MY TEAM, BITCH.

DO NOT TELL ME WHAT DAVE WOULD OR WOULDN'T DO. BUT YOU ARE TECHNICALLY RIGHT HE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE.

Re: cw: coerced romance

[alternia_strength]

D --> It is better that we not speak about Aradia

[This had little to do with him being angry. For all that he had a terrible temper, she was a deep wound for him, because he had finally acknowledged just how obsessed with her he'd been, and how much it had been wrapped up with his obsessions about that f'd up caste system. And, above all, while he'd admit that to Nepeta and Aradia? He probably wouldn't to Karkat.]

D --> I make no promises about misinterpreting advances
D --> It has been known to happen
D --> Thankfully nobody is attempting to pick a fight with me these days
D --> I am STRONG again after all and their bones are fragile

D --> There are only two of us
D --> I see little reason to oppose this because you will do it regardless
D --> Like telling Sollu% not to prophecy our collective d00m
D --> It is impossible

D --> And you are at least correct that the fecal e%crement will strike the oscillating unit at some point