Anna Amarande (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hauntedsavior) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2021-11-15 09:04 pm
hauntedsavior) wrote in deernet2021-11-15 09:04 pm
002 // text; username: grollschwert
cw: chronic illness, ruminations on death
Fun one for you tonight.
[this message comes in the middle of the night, when no one in their right mind should be awake. but that's never stopped anna. she can't sleep, and if flynn and ruby and everybody are right then she has to at least try not to keep this stuff inside her at all times. sorrow's silence we needn't bear, or whatever.]
You know a girl. Her body is breaking down and her meds are failing her.
She has years left. Maybe months, if it gets worse.
But something happens, and she gets access to amazing new technology. Things that prevent her body from attacking itself.
Things that stop her timer from ticking faster than everyone else's.
Great, right?
You get to know her better. You entertain her little crush on you. Maybe you like her back a little and maybe things aren't gonna be so bad.
But one day, you do something.
Something that sets off a chain of events that you couldn't have predicted. Not in a million years.
Small things collide into medium things collide into big huge massive things.
And after the butterfly version of you is done flapping its wings, she doesn't have access to that technology anymore.
She's back on the timer.
She doesn't know you did anything.
She never finds out.
You can't bring yourself to tell her, and she wouldn't believe it if you did.
She barely recognizes you anymore, by the end of it.
Her family finds your name on her phone and invites you to pay respects.
Do you still go to her funeral?
Did you kill her?
Fun one for you tonight.
[this message comes in the middle of the night, when no one in their right mind should be awake. but that's never stopped anna. she can't sleep, and if flynn and ruby and everybody are right then she has to at least try not to keep this stuff inside her at all times. sorrow's silence we needn't bear, or whatever.]
You know a girl. Her body is breaking down and her meds are failing her.
She has years left. Maybe months, if it gets worse.
But something happens, and she gets access to amazing new technology. Things that prevent her body from attacking itself.
Things that stop her timer from ticking faster than everyone else's.
Great, right?
You get to know her better. You entertain her little crush on you. Maybe you like her back a little and maybe things aren't gonna be so bad.
But one day, you do something.
Something that sets off a chain of events that you couldn't have predicted. Not in a million years.
Small things collide into medium things collide into big huge massive things.
And after the butterfly version of you is done flapping its wings, she doesn't have access to that technology anymore.
She's back on the timer.
She doesn't know you did anything.
She never finds out.
You can't bring yourself to tell her, and she wouldn't believe it if you did.
She barely recognizes you anymore, by the end of it.
Her family finds your name on her phone and invites you to pay respects.
Do you still go to her funeral?
Did you kill her?
no subject
What's up, here's a ghost of a robot girl from a universe away.
Merry Christmas.
You really think that could happen?
no subject
Calling this world "mysterious" is, at best, an understatement.
[ Whatever the Pthumerians are, they're alarmingly powerful. Most of them seem cruel and indifferent as the God that Castiel is used to. But some of them... Some of them just might listen. Which begs the question: ]
Rather than a more hypothetical scenario, if she arrived here, would you still tell her what you wish you had?
Even though things here are strange and different and, in all likelihood, transient?
no subject
[that answer is fast. she doesn't even have to think about it, compared to everything else so far.]
If I lose her again, I don't want her to go without knowing.
no subject
Why didn't you tell her the first time? If that's how you feel.
[ Not to downplay the emotion involved, of course, but... It does seem like it must be easier to confess something like that, already knowing your feelings are reciprocated. ]
no subject
I was younger, I had a lot of stuff going on.
And I didn't think I'd lose her so soon.
jmhgkjhfjkl called tf out
[ That's fair, and isn't it true of everyone, human or otherwise? You always think you have more time. ]
The powers that be willing, you'll find her sooner than you expect, as well.
spn 15x18 goofing (respectful)
It'd be nice.
Maybe getting in good with the Pthumerians will help. Cloverfield's been fun to chill with.
i got a much needed laugh, thank you
What are they like?
Besides uh... Chill?
no subject
Kind heart, I think. Just wants some company.
In the end, he would rather be anything but lonely.
You learn to see it even if they don't say it.
And because he's a god, he can find us pictures of the people we love if we talk about them enough.
no subject
That's an interesting ability.
Have you gotten pictures of your lost friend?
no subject
She wasn't... you know.
[even she can't make herself say "the one".]
Someone else. Who I did actually get the chance to say things to.
She's still alive. But still not here.
And I don't know if she'd love me in the state we left each other in.
Too bad for her, I guess.
no subject
I'm far from an expert on the subject, but love never seems to go away, no matter what state we're in.
[ At least it doesn't for him, but you know, he's an angel, so... Even having been close to one once, the delicate nuances of human relationships elude him. ]
Do you think you'd like to talk about her more, to Cloverfield? For the picture.
no subject
Love never dies.
I don't know if I want a picture of Lil or not.
I don't know if I want to have, like.
This living graveyard of all the people I'm never going to see again.
I'm not sure.
no subject
[ Castiel was never one to keep tangible souvenirs, not because of the memories associated with them, but because the majority of them would rot away and be gone long before he was. To be given a gift, though... Well, the feelings related to the subject are complicated. He understands that much, and her reason for not wanting a photograph of someone she's lost is as valid as any.
There is something she wants from her home universe, though. Or rather, someone. ]
Maybe Cloverfield is capable of retrieving something other than pictures.
no subject
Would be cool if he could. He is a god here, after all.
[it's. a thought. it wouldn't even have to be the real rose geteilt. as long as she has the chance to say goodbye in person, to her face. by then, she might be ready to do it.]
Maybe the mysterious ways will make something like that happen.
Stuff like this always seems to take us by surprise, doesn't it?
Just when we think we've got it all figured out.
no subject
In my experience, they've rarely been the good kind.
Still, thank you for sharing your story. I hope Cloverfield is able to surprise you in a less than permanently traumatizing way.
no subject
If I can't get a handle on what's happening, I can't settle down enough to make posts like this.
[of course, given how much this one helped her, maybe that's explicitly a bad thing.]
Same to you, Thursday.
Gonna pretend you're a college schedule and call you R for short.
no subject
It's Castiel.
I imagine Grudge Sword isn't your real name, either?
no subject
It's Anna.
Nice running into you, Cas. Thanks for checking in.
no subject
Good to meet you, Anna.
Take care.
[ He's glad that she's found peace, and will certainly check in the future to see whether she's managed to maintain it. He hopes her future is kinder. ]