Anna Amarande (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hauntedsavior) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
deernet2021-11-15 09:04 pm
hauntedsavior) wrote in deernet2021-11-15 09:04 pm
002 // text; username: grollschwert
cw: chronic illness, ruminations on death
Fun one for you tonight.
[this message comes in the middle of the night, when no one in their right mind should be awake. but that's never stopped anna. she can't sleep, and if flynn and ruby and everybody are right then she has to at least try not to keep this stuff inside her at all times. sorrow's silence we needn't bear, or whatever.]
You know a girl. Her body is breaking down and her meds are failing her.
She has years left. Maybe months, if it gets worse.
But something happens, and she gets access to amazing new technology. Things that prevent her body from attacking itself.
Things that stop her timer from ticking faster than everyone else's.
Great, right?
You get to know her better. You entertain her little crush on you. Maybe you like her back a little and maybe things aren't gonna be so bad.
But one day, you do something.
Something that sets off a chain of events that you couldn't have predicted. Not in a million years.
Small things collide into medium things collide into big huge massive things.
And after the butterfly version of you is done flapping its wings, she doesn't have access to that technology anymore.
She's back on the timer.
She doesn't know you did anything.
She never finds out.
You can't bring yourself to tell her, and she wouldn't believe it if you did.
She barely recognizes you anymore, by the end of it.
Her family finds your name on her phone and invites you to pay respects.
Do you still go to her funeral?
Did you kill her?
Fun one for you tonight.
[this message comes in the middle of the night, when no one in their right mind should be awake. but that's never stopped anna. she can't sleep, and if flynn and ruby and everybody are right then she has to at least try not to keep this stuff inside her at all times. sorrow's silence we needn't bear, or whatever.]
You know a girl. Her body is breaking down and her meds are failing her.
She has years left. Maybe months, if it gets worse.
But something happens, and she gets access to amazing new technology. Things that prevent her body from attacking itself.
Things that stop her timer from ticking faster than everyone else's.
Great, right?
You get to know her better. You entertain her little crush on you. Maybe you like her back a little and maybe things aren't gonna be so bad.
But one day, you do something.
Something that sets off a chain of events that you couldn't have predicted. Not in a million years.
Small things collide into medium things collide into big huge massive things.
And after the butterfly version of you is done flapping its wings, she doesn't have access to that technology anymore.
She's back on the timer.
She doesn't know you did anything.
She never finds out.
You can't bring yourself to tell her, and she wouldn't believe it if you did.
She barely recognizes you anymore, by the end of it.
Her family finds your name on her phone and invites you to pay respects.
Do you still go to her funeral?
Did you kill her?
no subject
Even back in the day, you really had to somehow rack up a lot of big-ticket good deeds at a young age and then immediately die before being a normal person could drag you down.
But that's its own thing. Most people are just never in a position to save a bunch of lives or whatever.
[Plus there are many people who did and still didn't make it, so like]
Yeah. Maybe.
Sounds like it was a little more immediate and personal for you.
[Also he's like attempting to show empathy?]
no subject
It's like. I don't know.
Even if I decide to play by the stupid rules that big G and the kids' table up there set up and I'm heading down anyway,
It helps knowing that someone like you is taking the time to, like.
Listen to me. Try to help me out.
Like the most human demon I've ever run into.
God, I'm making this into some moral thing.
It doesn't have a damn thing to do with good places or bad places.
I don't give a shit where my soul goes in the end of it. Either soul.
I just wanted to get it out there so I didn't have to deal with it alone for a while.
Sorry for getting too in the weeds with the heavenly scorecards.
no subject
[It's so incredibly easy to get Michael to go off about all the afterlife nonsense. Even when it's not usually relevant to anybody here.]
But thank you. That means a lot.
I can't really speak to any other worlds' afterlife, at the end of the day.
It's better for everyone if they just focus on the lives they're living right now.
You should share your problems with people, if it helps. I think it does.
no subject
The life I'm living right now has a lot of bullshit inside it.
But it's also got, like. Squid stuff. New town. New people to meet and protect.
Probably a new world to save, if the trend keeps up.
Shit's still gonna live with me for a while, but I don't know.
Maybe now I'll regret this whole post a little less once I wake up.
Name's Anna, by the way. Hits better than grollschwert.
no subject
I hope you do feel better.
Get some sleep if you need it. I've noticed most people get really weird if they go without it for a while.
[He doesn't require sleep, or particularly care for it, but y'all do you.]