forwantofahorse: (Breakdown)
Sayo Yasuda ([personal profile] forwantofahorse) wrote in [community profile] deernet 2022-01-25 04:41 am (UTC)

you don't get it, i

i wallowed in my own despair for years because i convinced myself that there was no way out

and then i started thinking that it must be the same for everyone else too, that everyone else was trapped in the same abyss that i was

all those feelings of hatred toward everyone who hurt me only became more violent, and

...in the end, i wasn't the one who killed all them. she solved my puzzle. my hope for a miracle was granted. "hope for a miracle-" as if it wasn't just me looking for a way to absolve myself of the responsibility. so i ended the murders.

then she kept on going in my place

but i was still the one who sealed in the island in the catbox in the first place. if i hadn't paved the way with those three corpses, eva wouldn't have snapped, and everything might've turned out fine

i'm such a fool

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