deernet | text, un: UNOWEN

no

that can happen?

wtf

Edited 2022-01-16 17:54 (UTC)

SURE HAPPENED TO ME LAST WEEK

it was quite a disorienting experience. i was, er, literally an entirely different person, so it shouldn't be sticking with me as much, but i can't get it out of my mind

No, but this kinda thing happened to me last winter, too.

I realized that I'm just Me, no matter what the world says about my gender. Boy or girl, who I am doesn't change.

Besides, it's kinda fun dressing up in fancy outfits like that every once in a while.

ha. i wish i could just let it go like that. but identity isn't that simple for everyone.

Edited 2022-01-16 18:16 (UTC)

Being constrained by either binary gender feels like a nightmare to me, so I can't say I entirely relate, but it's fine to question your own gender identity and make changes. I'd imagine it's easier here, actually.

wait, either "binary gender"—there are more than just two?!?

[Sayo had just been trying to be painstakingly polite when they met Chara and Frisk because she couldn't figure out which gender they were, and while Lion had muddied the waters slightly she still didn't quite... get it with them.]

It's easier to think of it more as a spectrum than an arbitrary number. Some people are entirely in the middle, some people identify more with masculinity, some identify slightly more with femininity.

It's really more about whatever you feel comfortable with.

[JUST GONNA use a different username than normal. Totally anon, no one will catch him surely.]

Yeah. Um. Its not the first time I’ve had a body with the opposite gender- I got bodyswapped with a family member once like …two years ago.

This time it was the opposite gender but it was still me? And I dunno, it definitely gave me a lot to think about. There was stuff I thought I was sure about and now …I’m not so sure.

shit what the hell

i dont think i could forget that kinda fuckery either

Edited 2022-01-17 02:00 (UTC)

i don't think i've ever really felt comfortable in that way

figured everyone struggled with it on some level

[And it got a lot worse a few years ago.]

dear lord, that would be a nightmare

[Especially for Sayo.]

i've been having these weird thoughts... for a long time now, i suppose. found ways to ignore them so i could keep working, but

this last week made it... really hard to do that. i mean, i wasn't there, but he. they? were, and...

it felt good, you know. or i remember it feeling good. they spent so much time trying to find ways to make me happy once they vanished, but when they finally had fun for themself

getting up onstage and singing silly karaoke without a care in the world while they didn't bother with any pretense, it

i don't know how to describe that feeling, really

normally i'd be indignant, and if i get my hands on madam generosity i'll be the owner of a very expensive pair of boots afterward, but

the experience itself was

i. don't even know how to describe it. it's just memories. but remembering it isn't... bad necessarily

IT WASN'T GREAT.

[Dipper hopes he never has to deal with braces ever again.]

Yeah, no, I get it. I kind of did the same thing.

For me, I guess, something I've noticed here is that this place does not take a lot of stock into gender the same way society does where I'm from. There were rules and stuff and now all of that apparently doesn't matter?

There are so many things I can do now that I would have gotten RELENTLESSLY made fun of where I came from. Things that I can like, clothes I can wear, music that I can listen to... I guess I didn't realize how much of that I held onto out of fear.

Getting on stage and singing something that would have gotten me laughed out of the building back home only to find unconditional acceptance among the room really. Really hit me kind of hard, you know?

that's all reassuring, but...

you know, "hell is other people" is actually misquoted most of the time

it more refers to the fear of judgment so extreme that you end up internalizing those thoughts, even if the judges themselves vanish

you're quite brave for finding the courage to move past all that on your own, and as yourself

[With the implication being that Sayo doesn't think she can do the same.]

Also, speaking privately, your skill at fabricating pseudonyms is far less impressive than your bravery, Dipper.

But I do remember it being... fun, singing Disco Girl with you onstage. Lion also thought you looked adorable in that dress, from what I recall.

[Sayo is hesitant to reveal this much, but... she feels although Dipper is a kindred soul. She can't trust him, nor can she truly trust anyone in Trench, but perhaps he has a few more insights that can be gleaned through a conversation that's a little bit more honest. (And she's still anonymous enough, seeing that Lion took great pains to not reveal Sayo during their time in Trench.)]

I've definitely been guilty of that in the past. Especially here. I've gotten worked up over really dumb stuff only to realize no one actually cares. [His friends were so patient, dealing with him panic posting under anon trying to find baking tips. Sigh.]

As for being brave- I didn't exactly do it alone. I also think that maybe all I did was take the first step. What that means ...I guess I'm still trying to figure that out.

Edited 2022-01-17 04:41 (UTC)

[Oh. Goddammit.]

Okay but in my defense, I know for a fact there are several people from worlds here who do not have the same constellations I do back home. Ursa Major could be anything! I could be named after a ladle!!

[This is dumb. He's been caught. He is also not sure how to respond to being called adorable because, normally he would be upset? But also being adorable had been the point. What a confusing mess he's gotten himself into.]

My sister helped me pick it out. I almost didn't go but ...it felt like maybe I would be wasting an opportunity if I didn't? I'm glad I went through with it. I also don't know if I would have gotten onstage without Lion's help.

Yes. I still miss being that tall.

Why do you feel like an idiot?

Edited (word...choice... character voice LOL) 2022-01-17 05:51 (UTC)

[Sayo just barely restrains herself from making an incomprehensible joke about furniture and kitchen implements.]

Frankly, I'm more curious as to what kind of incident would earn you a nickname associated with ladles. Just because it never happened doesn't mean it wouldn't be interesting.

I'm glad Lion helped you. It seemed like they wanted to teach me something, but... I'm still not sure what. Maybe they wanted to teach it to you too.

Also, your sister has impeccable taste.

You could probably weaponize a ladle for SOMETHING. That would be a cool way to get a nickname. Maybe I fought an entire horde of zombies with a single ladle!

[This is a very silly conversation.]

Ha, yeah. I get the feeling that might have been the point behind the whole shedding thing. A different perspective maybe? But more visceral?

Like, so, the first time I actually shed, I was a different version of myself not just in body, but in memory, too. She was me but just if I'd been born a girl.

Edited (one day i'll get through a tag without fucking up the html) 2022-01-17 05:51 (UTC)

I can't speak to the experiences of others. Maybe everyone experiences it to some extent, maybe not. Humans have an extremely narrowminded perception of these things and are prone to assigning extremely limiting roles to one sex or the other, and they expect everyone to be satisfied with living that way, and often they can feel personally slighted at the concept of someone choosing not to live by their arbitrary uncaring rules.

It's a stupid hubristic assumption. There's a few books I can recommend you if you'd like.

Is it because you liked it, or because the person you were liked being what they were?

This skin shedding ceremony can really do... just about anything, can't it?

[ — because it's easier to multitask this way. albedo starts off with a thoughtful hum, like he's seriously considering her question, then: ]

I did not realize idiocy and stupidity are synonymous with curiosity and taking that initiative to learn something new, evidently dispelling ignorance. Should I keep this in mind for future reference?

[ he's not serious, however deadpan the delivery, nor does he say it with the intent to mock. moving on though: ]

... But I see. Memories are retained regardless of what has previously occurred... I have personally not underwent that level of change, though I wonder if I have encountered someone who has alluded to such.

[It's him. Sayo blushes like a tomato when she recalls the dance Albedo and Lion shared their final night, the feeling of hand in gloved hand fresh in her memory-

No, no, no! Focus. She keeps texting for now.]

er

well it's not for everyone

my friend doesn't remember anything at all about the past week other than a few vague impressions, while everything my "other self" experienced is practically burned into my brain

like it or not

as far as idiocy goes, i'd more argue i'm an idiot for never realizing any of... this

it never seemed like an option where i was from

Edited 2022-01-17 16:44 (UTC)

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would dipper have told lion his name?

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lets say yes

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