video | un: stanford

[cryptograms]

[ The video feed cuts on to reveal one Ford Pines, who looks a little frazzled but mostly just incredibly excited. ]

Greetings, Trench! I'm sure we've all noticed the difficulty of growing and acquiring plant-based foods in Trench - including coffee. I know some people have manages to cultivate their own crops, but I was hoping to come up with something that might work on a larger scale. I tried a spell to replicate some coffee beans I acquired last month and...

[ Ford rotates the camera, revealing that he's in the middle of some sort of laboratory-slash-workshop - and that in the middle of said workshop is a massive pile of coffee beans, about as tall as Ford himself. ]

It may have worked! But I need help testing this batch to make sure they're the correct flavor and free of any side-effects. Anyone who'd like to assist can stop by and grab a bag whenever they like - I'll be here all day!

[ And he'll include a link with directions to his house. ]

( OOC )
This is a companion network post to my log! Feel free to comment to one, the other, or both! You can also hit up my inbox if you want to skip right to reporting the results.

The beans are much, much weaker than normal beans in terms of taste and caffeine content. It'll take 3x-5x as many beans to get a cup that tastes right. This batch will be free of side effects.

Comments

[frogfear]

[This is an exciting development! As much as Willow enjoys cocoa, she has missed coffee since arriving in Trench, and Ford's appearance looks almost... caffeinated.]

Ford! That's great news! Congratulations! It kind of looks like you've already been doing some testing already?

[She's about to offer to help herself, when she stops herself. Correct flavour and...

Hold on.

Side effects?]

What, um, what kind of side effects are we talking here? Like the normal, can't sleep, or close your eyes if you drink too much kind, or the... You know. More Deerington 'maybe causes you to grow wings or antlers' or 'makes you drunk or kill on sight angry' kind?

[cryptograms]

I haven't! I'm just excited that I figured it out so quickly.

[ As for her questions about side effects, Ford waves a dismissive hand. ]

I'm more worried about Deerington effects, but I only expect mild ones. Slight mood changes, a brief hallucination, growing antlers - that sort of thing.

[frogfear]

[Natural excitement is still a big rush, and she can't help feel excited for him and his success.]

This could make a whole lot of people really happy! Where'd you find the spell? The Archives?

[He might be able to be dismissive about the potential effects of his coffee, but she is far more cautious.]

Oh. Uh, if it's that kind of stuff you're worried about maybe I'll let a few other people step first, then.

[She smiles apologetically.]

The Deerington style mood changes don't, uh, tend to bring out my best side, and all.

[frogiturgy]

You've figured out the coffee problem?

[This was an immense weight relieved from his shoulders, and Perell gladly relaxed into the thought of there being a consistent supply of coffee in Trench, regardless of the source (or any attending problems.) Perell audibly sighed-- and let out a soft, amused chuckle.]

That's a relief. I didn't know what coffee was before arriving here, but having someone introduce me only to say that it's in 'limited supply' was... eh.

annoying.

--Look. I don't care what side effects there may or may not be. If you need someone to test this, I'm in.

[cryptograms]

Figuring it out, yes! I'm sure there are still some kinks to be worked out.

[ Ford is a very proud person, but he's a big fan of the scientific method as well. The joy of figuring something out is worth as much to him as the actual end result. ]

You're free to take as much as you like. I overshot my projected output by a considerable margin.

text; un: doublehedgedsword

[laminae]

dog i am more than happy to test out whatever magic coffee you can make
also i can grow a ton if you need it for tests and junk
we got an endless bag of it at the house too if that would help

text

[cryptograms]

Wonderful! I'll set aside a portion for you and Varian.

Stanley mentioned that his coffee supply came from you. I'd be happy to test both it and your endless coffee.

Though I'm not sure to what extent the replicas might maintain any connection or traits to you or the endless bag.

Video; UN: Cuddlebunny

[lightthedarkness]

Um, well, I have a perpetual strawberry plant, if you want? It grows several strawberries and if you pluck them that day, fresh new ripe ones will have grown in their place overnight.

Could that be replicated?

[cryptograms]

A perpetual strawberry plant...

[ Man he wants to take a look at that, and he's tempted to say yes just for a chance to get his hands on it. He reels that impulse in after a moment. ]

Perhaps, but likely not without a lot of fine-tuning. The spell I found was designed to replicate inorganic material and adapting it to work with a single bean took some work. I'm not sure it could be pushed to replicate both the plant and its unique properties.

Have you tried planting one of the strawberries it produces?

video; un: naruhodo

[convene]

I'm curious as to what side effects you think could happen. I would be willing to try some. I haven't had coffee in some time.

[cryptograms]

In Trench - and Deerington before it - it wasn't uncommon for food to have effects similar to the monthly oddities. Changes in mood, appearance, abilities, memories...

I don't anticipate that those side effects will be especially potent, however.

un: trienemybest; video

[droptheious]

Wait, did you say a spell? Like...as in you're using magic to replicate them?

[That sure is a judgey tone, Ford. Buddy. You know how sketchy magic can be. ]

I've got grow lights set up in the house, to help with plant growth, and a lot of plant fertiliser and suchlike. [You'd almost swear he was living with someone who needs these things to live.] But they use science rather than magic.

[cryptograms]

[ Ford doesn't exactly miss the judgemental tone, but he's excited enough that he doesn't really parse or pay attention to it. ]

Of course! I knew a bit of spellcraft before, but my new blood type has augmented my capabilities considerably.

[ Nothing wrong with warping a little reality to get his way, right? ]

Traditional methods are ideal for producing the original product, but given our experiences in Deerington it's going to be beneficial if we can easily replicate large quantities of necessary supplies.

[ Coffee is, of course, a 'necessary supply'. ]

video; un: jk21a

[hearuthinking]

What kinda "side-effects" are we talkin' about here?

[cryptograms]

The sort that are typical in Deerington and Trench - mood changes, hallucinations, body transformation.

I'm only expecting mild side-effects, however. The spell I adapted this one from is quite stable.

Video UN: RadRidingHood

[onekindsoul]

Me, me, me! I want to be experimented on!

Pick me!

[Ruby doesn't even like coffee but she'll take whatever chance she can to help out.

Plus she kind of feels like she owes the Pines family at this point.]

[cryptograms]

[ Ford can't help but laugh. He can always rely on Ruby to want to jump head-first into something potentially risky so long as it sounds fun. ]

I thought you might. I already set aside from for you.

Do you have enough sugar at home?

video; un: seeingtheworld

[schoolingfish]

I have all the coffee I need at home, but if you need someone to test and see how your coffee compares to normal coffee, I can definitely help you out with that!

[Yes, this child is already drinking coffee on a regular basis.]

[cryptograms]

[ Fortunately (?) Ford's nephew has also already developed a coffee habit, so he sees absolutely nothing wrong with this. ]

Perfect! I was expecting most people to need to judge from memory, so being able to make an exact comparison will be especially useful.

Out of curiosity, where did you get your supply?

video;

[stealhearted]

[ The video is extremely shaky, because Akira got about halfway through listening before lurching into action, so Ford gets to see a nice view of Akira's (Akechi's) kitchen as Akira packs up some extra bags to put coffee in. He's got a few very nice, clearly brought from home bags that are virtually empty... ]

Have you had any bad side effects so far? Should I be expecting a spectrum of "weird and inconvenient" or "giant crabs that try to eat you and other mishaps"?

[cryptograms]

[ Always nice to have an excited participant! As for his question. ]

I'm anticipating 'weird and inconvenient' at the most extreme end of things. There's a possibility of giant crabs, but not one much higher than that of normal giant crab attacks.

audio - UN: CentaurTesticle

[alternia_strength]

[He was going to spare people his horrible typing quirk for a moment.]

This is the scalded bean juice that humans favor to drink for the purposes of alertness, is that correct?

I might be able to assist in procuring equipment for growing, if you need more for greater quantities.

[cryptograms]

Yes! Though since the liquid isn't extracted directly from the beans it's not a juice, strictly speaking. An infusion is the more accurate description.

Assistance with equipment would be appreciated, though perhaps not for some time. I only have access to pre-roasted beans so I haven't gotten a specimen that's still viable as a seed.

un: agentmothman

[zib]

What kind of spell did you use? Was it a blood-based one?

I had come up with a theory once about how human blood could be replaced with tiny coffee beans, but gave up on it because it was more boring than chasing aliens. But if you used some kind of blood magic in this place to make the coffee here, then maybe I was actually on to something that one time...

[Why on Earth he was considering the idea of replacing someone's blood with coffee beans is anyone's guess.]

[cryptograms]

It was blood-based. In particular, it was developed by a Darkblood using Darkblood as the main regent.

[ The prospect of replacing blood with coffee beans... He can see the merits, but: ]

It may be possible, but in Trench it may be a waste of blood and coffee beans.

Still, blood transmutation may be worth looking into. If you could convert your own blood into coffee in an emergency...