deernet | audio; un: padlocks

Firstly, I wish to express my immense gratitude to those who came to my aid and advised me last month. I realize naturally in retrospect that it was much a matter outside of my control. I do not speak to relieve myself of the burden of what happened; I still very much hold myself accountable, but objectively speaking there was little I could do and undo.

So it is better to move forward.

Secondly. There is not much in the way of constructive skill that I can offer to my fellow Sleepers. However, there is at least one thing I've much experience in, and it is with my... affliction, shall we say. It is one that I have had for decades, plus years left unaccounted for.

And so it is that I wish to offer my experience to those in a similar matter as myself. I have methods to keep myself calm and clear of mind despite my worse instincts, whatever wretched impulses rack my body and mind. The fiend within will never be tamed, but our willpower is much more significant than you might expect. Should you need my aid in this regard, it is yours. Contact me whenever you have need.

...Ah. Yes. A third thing.

[locked from ahiru]

I seek the aid of others who have some skill in construction and carpentry. I have ideas and some of that capability myself, but I admit I am a bit blind in this regard.

I am attempting to create a place for Ahiru to practice her ballet. I only know what one might need based on her description, but if one more experienced in what will meet her needs could inform or aid me, that would be much appreciated. I have found a building I believe I can use freely.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm happy to help with construction. I'm pretty good at building things. [Understatement of the century.] I can help rig up some lighting and music for her, too.

[And then, after a beat.]

Private

I talked to Melius. Helped him out. He was really worried about you, you know. About what would happen to you. So I'm glad you're...seeing this as a chance to move forward. None of us wants to see you suffer, you- you definitely don't deserve it.

I would greatly appreciate your assistance in making it as appealing and useful to Ahiru as possible.

[And... the other thing. Ah.]

I know I would not typically deceive him, but still I... I could not help but feel responsible regardless. Perhaps because the memories were so vivid, knowing it was a possible path for me if I relented to my worse instincts.

I am trying to see it as an opportunity to work harder. That my will shall not buckle.

Still, I am relieved that he is so forgiving.

Not a problem, I can do that. I got the lighting rigged up in the Raccoon Room, a dance studio should be a little easier.

[His tone remains worried- deep concern for his friend. He understands, at least, that this is a heavy burden for his friend to carry. Striking out at someone he cares about must be horrifying. But equally, he doesn't want Bigby to hate himself for something outside of his control.

So the answer is...well, it's better than he expected. ]

That's good. That you're seeing it like that. And you know we'll help you with...with not buckling as much as we can, right? You don't have to be alone in this.

[His smile softens.]

Yeah- he's a really good guy.

Isolating myself from the world... that is the way I thought it needed to be, in order to protect others from me. And perhaps, in a way, to protect myself.

But that needs to not be the case here. If anything, I know it can be harmful. Perhaps one day I will live under a roof as a proper man again. Who is to say?

I only hope he forgives where proper. I would loathe to know any would take advantage of that kindness.

It really can be. Like I told you when you came here, we've got to look out for each other here, and that- that means letting other people get close too. And- and letting them help you.

[You know, so the opposite of what you've been doing, Bigs.]

I don't think he'd consider it...taking advantage. Forgiveness kind of...doesn't work like that.

[LOOK he knows you told him so but it's hard]

I do not know if my fears will be that easily assuaged, but I am... trying.

No, I suppose he would not.

[He told you so so hard, Buddy!!!]

Well. The fact you're trying is- it's important. Just take it one day at a time.

I think you mean a lot to him, y'know? And he...he doesn't really get close to a lot of people. I'm sure if you talked to each other it would be fine.

audio; un: padlocks

un: trienemybest; video, locked from Ahiru

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