[After a recent debacle with a woman claiming the name 'Hephastion' in a false pretense, he was fairly fresh on his Greek even though he was as English as Lord Byron. Not helping was the multiple pronunciations-- he had heard multiple different ones with that combination of syllables, and he took the lack of correction as permission to keep going.]

Waking up on a couch would have been kinder, [He complained, already walking towards the nearest lantern for safety's sake.] I woke up at sea, clinging to some flotsam before a band of pirates picked me up.

They threw me into a holding cell for a while before they were boarded by the Dread Pirate Captain Amaranth, who saw fit to free me and bring me into town.

[But, by that time the salt water had soaked into his sweater and had ruined the finish on his leather shoes. There were some things that could be recovered from, but not an impromptu dip in a foreign ocean.]