Video; UN: SweetDee

[agiantbird]

[Dee appears on the feed, sitting in the parlor of a surprisingly fancy-looking house. She has a beer on the table, which she quickly sips before starting. In the background, an ostrich warbles to itself and pecks at a white chaise lounge.]

Okay, so I was just hanging out here, drinking the worst beer I've had in my entire life, when I started thinking...

[She pauses to drink more of her beer, putting one finger up in the air as she tosses her head back and chugs it down, draining more than half of it in one hit. Yeah, she's just going to make her viewers wait a few seconds because she needs more of that disgusting beer.]

Gross.

[She winces.]

Anyway, I started thinking about how great it'd be to produce and direct a play of some kind. I'm not sure what it'll be about yet, but it could be fun to do a show. So now I guess I want to know if some of you guys might be interested in... I don't know... getting in on this?

[She waves her hand dismissively at the Omni, a small smile appearing on her face.]

Now I bet you're looking at me, and you're like, 'but Dee! I don't know how to act! I couldn't possibly be in your amazing play!' And you know what? I hear you, guys, and I'm gonna tell you that that's okay!

[Her grin grows wider, and she points to herself using both hands.]

Because I'm a professional actor, and I'm willing to teach you a few things and help you along the way! But, of course, my help isn't going to be free, and I'm gonna want to trade my time for beer and shit that'll go towards the play.

So if you have a story you'd like to see adapted, let me know. Tell me about the story, the characters, and why you like it. Just... nothing too nerdy or boring, okay? I want this to be fun, not a geek-fest.

Obviously, I won't be taking any auditions yet because I don't have a story, but let me know if you want to be involved in something exciting and fun anyway. And don't get too upset if you get rejected. Showbusiness is a harsh bitch, and it. Will. Eat. You. Alive.

Comments

[agiantbird]

Dude, I traded my blood for this shit, so I'm gonna drink it whether it's bad or not.

Yeah! I've acted on stage. A few local productions, mainly.

[Does The Nightman Cometh count?]

And a few bigger shows. [Liar.] And I've done standup. That good enough for you?

[kyley_b]

Fair.

That's really cool. Stand-up is fucking difficult. I had a buddy who wanted to do stand-up, and he worked harder than most people I know.

So what counts as too nerdy or boring for a stage show, then?

[agiantbird]

Stand-up is difficult! It's really, really hard. I mean, you have all these people watching you, expecting you to be hilarious. Everyone is watching, and they're waiting, and they will rip you apart if you mess it up even a little bit! It takes some real balls to get up on stage in front of all those people.

[She pauses.]

I don't want to do anything about elven space wizards or zombies from alternate dimensions or anything... weird. What would you want to see?

[kyley_b]

I agree. There's always someone in the crowd who wants you to fail, too.

[Snort.] I mean, I like elven wizards, but I'm a dork.

I dunno, I'm not great with theatre. I guess you could do one of the more metal Shakespeare plays? Or do something really funny and stupid like a musical about the Donner party.

[agiantbird]

Oh, yeah. Definitely. There's always at least one asshole waiting for you to screw everything up and then dry-heave on stage because they know you're nervous as hell.

[That's weirdly specific, Dee, but okay.]

Yeah, I can see that, buddy. [She says with a snort. That's so rude, Deandra.

Then he mentions the Donner Party musical, and she pauses. She closes her eyes for about three seconds and then slowly opens them again, looking vaguely irritated.]

The Donner party?

[kyley_b]

Did you ever dry-heave on stage?

[Okay, rude, but he did kinda ask for it.] Uh. Yeah.

Well, I guess it would be a pretty dark comedy? Like, you know, call it "Cannibal: the Musical!" or something.

...okay, yeah, terrible idea. Stick to Shakespeare.

[agiantbird]

What? No. Never. Gross. That would be... real embarrassing.

[In other words, yes. Yes, she did. Many times.]

Yeah, bud. I appreciate the originality, but I don't think too many people are gonna want to come and see the cannibal musical.

I'm thinking of doing Frankenstein; I've done it before, and it was fun!

[kyley_b]

Yeah, it would.

No, probably not. Frankenstein, though, that's cool! Everybody can get behind that one, I think. Lots of drama and like, eternal questions about humankind and stuff.

[agiantbird]

See? It's a good one, right? It's got tragedy and horror for the adults, and it has a mad scientist and a big ol' monster to keep the kids entertained! You can't lose!

[kyley_b]

It's a great one.

I sure hope you get some people to be a decent cast. I'd offer to help but I haven't been on a stage since I covered for my brother in a stage play about dental hygiene when I was like, ten.

[agiantbird]

Hey, it's never too late to give it another try? If you want in, just say the word.