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[Video] un: QueenCobra

[Tory flips on her Omni. Behind her sits a black and gold dragon that is roughly the size of an ostrich. Judging by Tory’s calm body language, it’s clear that the dragon is not a beast, but rather, her omen.]

I’m looking for name suggestions for a female dragon. I thought about calling her either Kindness or possibly Thoughts and Prayers, but I should probably consider something more serious, too.

[Much as she appreciates the sarcastic humour of the names, with people here from so many different worlds, it’s a joke that would probably be lost on most people here.]

Also, I was able to make bug spray with my powers. If you’ve got something to trade, you can have some.

[There’s a short pause before she adds one final thing.]

By the way, if you threaten to cut out someone’s tongue because they said some mean words you didn’t like? You’re a bigger asshole than them. Go touch grass.

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I wouldn't rein it in too much. Anger will serve you well in this place.

No. But I was raised to be a killer and a weapon. No remorse, no compassion, no empathy. I've been trying to do better as of late but sometimes those bone-deep instincts still get the better of me, especially with someone who should really know better than to test my patience.

[Really, anyone who looked at Maul in all his demonic, death-metal looking glory and decided 'Oh yes, that's the person I'm going to mess with' had it coming in his eyes.]

That's a good point. I don't really need to rein it in as much here as I did back home. With a barter economy, I don't have to worry about holding down a job. And since my little brother and my sick mother aren't here with me, I don't have to worry about my actions affecting them. Back home, I was the one who had to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads.

[And despite how much she misses them, there's some relief in not having to have that level of responsibility. It's a thought she feels guilty about. She also worries about how they're doing without her.]

I know how hard it can be to change. I can teach you some of the anger management strategies I learned in therapy, if you'd like.

You should be proud for taking care of your family. It's never an easy thing to do and it often feels like you fail at it more than you succeed.

[Personal experience talking there.]

You look very young to have had quite that much on your shoulders.

[He's not very good with judging the age of humans (frankly, they all kind of look alike to him) but Tory seems to have a pretty youthful demeanor.

He does grin at the mention of anger management strategies. Surprisingly, in all the time he's been in both Deerington and here in Trench, Tory is the first one to ever offer him such a thing.]

I appreciate that. You may teach them to me but I don't know if they work on someone who is always angry in some fashion or another.

[Sith's eyes only turned yellow when they were angry and Maul's were always yellow.]

I'm seventeen now. I've worked to support my family since I was fifteen, when my mother got too sick to work, although I did odd jobs like babysitting for neighbours and yard work before that. My little brother is only eight. I've had to work hard.

[She's gotten some perspective from being here and knows that others have had it harder than her, but she's not going to downplay how much effort it's taken to care for her family.]

Anger management is more about changing how your anger makes you behave so that you're in control of your anger rather than your anger being in control of you. Like sometimes you can redirect that energy from your anger into a less aggressive activity, and save your aggression for when you really need it - like when you're in danger.

Hmmmm, yes, fifteen is an age when the weight of the world seems to fall upon one's shoulders and never is lifted ever again.

[Thank you for such a perspective, Mr. Dramatic Doom 'n Gloom. Still, he had a very traumatic event happen to him in his fifteenth year which has stayed with him even unto the present day.]

I suppose that's not the worst way I've ever heard of how to approach the emotion of anger. Far different than what I was taught as a child anyhow.

That's a mood.

[She's not sure whether it's a relief or unfortunate that this is a constant across different worlds.]

What were you taught as a child?

Anger was a gift from the Dark Side to be used. That I had to hold onto it and never let it go, always using it to fuel my strength, allowing it to grow and help me to succeed in whatever I set my mind to doing.

[Such things learned in his youth were not easily untaught and he carries them with him even to this day as an adult. The claws Sidious sunk deep into his mind were hard to wrench back out again no matter how much he or others tried to do so.]

[Tory looks thoughtful as she listens to the explanation.]

Anger can be...empowering. Something that can push you forward. Motivating. I can see how it would help you get stronger.

[It's a big part of what's fueled her over the years, so she's not going to tell him it's wrong. She'd be a hypocrite.]

The problem is that it can eat away at a person, and distort how people see and react to things in ways that can fuck up their lives and relationships.

That I also know as well, though it took a very long time for me to learn. It is a lesson that came too late in my own galaxy but here I have been trying to remember.

[He still slides back a lot as he grapples with the eternal rage inside of him that follows him around every waking moment.]

Recognizing it and working on it are big steps in the right direction.

Yes. I doubt it shall ever leave me entirely.

[He's held anger in his hearts since he was about five years old. After a life with that much trauma in it, he was certain it wasn't ever going to just up and vanish. But perhaps it could lessen a little.]

But someone told me recently that it is alright to have anger be your....[He grasps for the exact phrasing Peter had used, liking the way the words sounded.] .....your 'go-to emotion.' That it is alright to be angry. Which is something a lot of people here don't agree with. They think anger is unnatural and one shouldn't feel it constantly. But they have led lives far less difficult than mine or I suspect yours have been.

It probably won't, but you can use it differently than you did before, so that you can take your life in the direction you want it to go.

[That's what Tory's trying to do with it - that, and find balance in her life.]

My therapist said anger is sadness' bodyguard. And when you've had a hard life and you can't afford to show weakness, or even give yourself much time to deal with that sadness in private, anger helps you through that. Whoever said it's okay to have anger as your go-to emotion is right. It's fine to feel it. It's fine to express it. It's just keeping it in check and not having a disproportionate response that takes work.

I'm not certain exactly where I am going any longer.

[Possibly for the first time in Maul's life. He's always had a clear vision of where he's going and what he's doing, but now, he no longer has a clear path in front of him.]

I just know I need to do better than what I have been before.

[Instead of just being a monster or an assassin who kills wantonly. His eyes go a bit wide as he hears just the right words from Tory. He's never really been that introspective about his own emotions but this all sounds right to his ears, explaining parts of himself that are so ingrained he's stopped considering just why he works the way he does.]

That is the main part I am working on. I don't think I will ever fully quell that instinct that goes straight to killing as a solution to problems, but given the dangerous nature of this place, that is probably for the best.

Then maybe this is a good time to try out a few new hobbies or learn a few new skills. Things that are more for personal enjoyment than anything else. So that you've got a go-to for helping you calm down and balance out your moods.

[What that would be for Maul, she doesn't know, but it couldn't hurt for him to develop interests away from his past identity as an assassin.]

Oh, yeah. Don't let it go entirely.

[She pauses for a moment.]

With all your training, you can probably tell if someone's coming at you with killer intent or not, right?

I have been learning to draw. It requires much skill and I am never satisfied with the results but it is something to do other than hurt people.

[He's only shown a few of his friends the results or given them out as gifts. Like most things, Maul doesn't like to show off his skills unless they are as close to perfect as he can get that.]

Most of the time, yes.

That's a perfect place to put that energy. You should show me sometime.

[She has zero artistic skill, but she can appreciate the efforts of others, at least.]

If you can tell, then maybe that's a personal rule you can set for yourself. No killing unless someone comes at you or someone under your protection with killer intent.

Come over at some point and I will see if I can capture your likeness.

[He prefers doing it in person so that he has a better idea of what the person looks like, though he had drawn Qui-Gon Jinn from memory as something of both an apology and gift for Obi-Wan around Christmastime.

He scowls at the idea she suggests, not liking it one bit.]

Perhaps. [He says being deliberately evasive.] Though those who set out to antagonize me for no reason are not getting a free pass. Anyone who thinks I am someone who is going to take being disrespected or insulted without retaliation is either an idiot or horribly naïve.

[Just from looks alone Maul screamed out to people around him 'Do not fuck with me.']

Sure. I'll bring snacks. Any food preferences?

[It's going to be a novel experience, being drawn by someone, and she can see the benefit of drawing someone in person. There's only so much that can be seen over an omni, after all.

At his reluctance, she offers a slight smile.]

I'm not saying that you should just take whatever people dish out. I wouldn't take people's shit, so I wouldn't ask you to. But there's a whole range of options between 'meekly put up with disrespect' and 'murder anyone who annoys you'. Especially with powers added into the mix.

[He thinks for moment.]

Bring meatball sandwiches. [Gotta have something that will appeal to that carnivorous appetite.] Oh, and if you see a fellow Zabrak on the property about a foot taller than me and wide as a tree who is yellow and black, do not be alarmed. That's merely my brother Savage.

[There's something rather soft in the way Maul says his brother's name even with that intimidating description of his appearance.]

That's where the trouble lies. I have difficulty finding a solution that doesn't involve immediately turning to killing as a first, last, and final solution to my problems.

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[Video] un: QueenCobra

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