deernet | AUDIO | UN: 🐟 WANDA

AUDIO | UN: 🐟 WANDA

[ posted in the early hours of sunday 8 may aka mother's day.

it's not on brand for wanda maximoff if she doesn't make a post every blue moon about something sad.

today, it's one that she knows she has no business making. but today's a day that she wishes she was spending in westview with billy and tommy, and after seeing them in a portal only a few weeks ago…

the wounds are a little fresh. so is her loneliness. ]

Can you still celebrate Mother's Day even when your children are not with you?

[ her voice is low and her accent is thick and shaky. wanda's trying to keep her composure. this isn't meant to be as upsetting as it sounds. wanda had her script perfected, her inflection decided upon in her rehearsals in front of the mirror. but the star of wandavision's final cut isn't as clean and perfect as she wishes it to be. ]

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[ There's a slight pause on Ange's end.

Maybe because she, too, isn't so sure of the answer to the question she's about to ask here. ]

Is.. there a wrong way to celebrate Mother's Day?

[ Granted, Ange hasn't done so in pretty much fourteenish years now, so it's not like she's an expert. ]

I mean, I imagine it's mostly a personal thing. [ Even more so if, like Wanda said, her kids aren't even here with her. ]

I feel like there must be.

[ because of her own assumptions and expectations. wanda wants it to be like an episode. she wants it to be as full as it should've been on wandavision if her series had gotten to run for more than one season. she wants her boys to be here with vision. ]

I feel like there is. I've only ever seen it spent with people, not alone. I don't know how you celebrate it alone. I should, but…

[ she has no answer other than: she doesn't. what wanda is best at is burying her head in the sand. when things begin to overwhelm her, she simply buries it deeper.

so, she settles on: ]

I used to ignore the day. It was much easier.

I do it too. [ Ange admits.

It's only after a second that she realises that answer was perhaps a little too briefly and lacking context, so she adds: ]

Ignoring the day, I mean. I still do.

[ But she can tell that there's a difference between them. Wanda does want to celebrate it - in some way, at least, or she wouldn't have sent this message out in the first place. While Ange, at this point, would feel fairly comfortable just ignoring the day for the rest of her life. ]

.. why don't you want to do that anymore? I figure that if you really think about that, you'll arrive at the answer about how to celebrate the day in the first place.

[ it's a question that wanda has been avoiding asking herself. why doesn't she want to celebrate it? it had been easier to avoid it in sokovia when war made each and every day feel as though it never ended. it was easier in sokovia because there were always bigger fish to fry. it was even easier in the united states, even though vision had made things infinitely harder with his genuine curiosity and brimming adoration for her.

she wishes she could celebrate her first mother's day with him. his absence is a big enough reason to cancel the day and wipe it from the calendar.

she takes a deep breath and exhales, although it's not a sigh. the movement shifts some things to make it easier to see her answer through the rubble. ]

My mother died when I was very young and it felt empty celebrating without her. I worry that it will feel emptier if I celebrate it for her and myself without my boys here.

[ See, that much Ange gets, what Wanda is saying here. It's an excuse to ignore the day, and it's the same excuse Ange takes to ignore it with each passing day - already for way over twelve years at this point. It makes less sense to her why someone would want to stop doing that. To face that emptiness, and all the complex issues the idea of a mother brings with it.

She exhales, opting to not think about it too hard. Whatever, Wanda wants to celebrate it, even though she seems to feel hesitant about it at the same time. Just think about it like that, without thinking too hard about her own issues. ]

If you're worried about that, you could always find someone else here to celebrate it with together. I'm sure there have to be more mothers in this place who don't have their children around, and who are struggling with the same problem.

[ It might not be the same as actually celebrating it with one's kids, but it's at least something that could keep the day from being empty.

.. or so Ange thinks, anyway. It's not like she's got even the tiniest bit of experience with being a mom. ]

It will sound stupid, but I'm surprised to find that there are others like me. I'm used to feeling alone in things. Not many people ever understood things about me.

[ in her grief, while in the avengers' compound. in her anything. it seemed that she was the only one out of her group of avengers who wished to live some normal life. her running to scotland had defined her as the only rebel within her group of mismatched heroes.

gently, she asks, ] You don't celebrate it, do you?

[ wanda doesn't need to tap into her telepathy to suspect as much. the way she speaks is like pietro trying to literally dodge wanda's own questions. except ushiromiya is not as hopeless as pietro. no one ever could be. ]

No.

[ At least Ange doesn't seem to bother trying to dodge the question when it's stated so explicitly. Sure, she probably could if she tried to do so here, but she's well aware that it'd make her look pretty stupid.

So instead she answers, careful to keep as much emotion out of her tone as possible when she speaks. ]

My mother died when I was six. The "mother" who adopted me after that was absolutely awful to me. So I just started ignoring the day ever since then. [ What was the point of celebrating a day all about mothers when you can't call someone who abuses you a mother in the first place? ]

But I can get why other people might want to celebrate it, even without their moms or kids around. [ Like Wanda herself. ]

I'm sorry. That's not fair.

[ and it's the very thing that angers her. if wanda could eradicate anything from the world, it would be that pain—everything that causes it, every little buzz of a feeling.

wanda presses her lips together; her tone remains soft. ]

I imagine you may not even want to celebrate it at all. I know how loss can make things feel… like they're not something you can celebrate.

[ Ange pauses, pondering on how much to say here. She's grown a little more open over the last year or so, but it's still not always all that easy. How much does she tell others, especially people she's not super close to?

In the end she decides on compromising with herself. She switches the feed over to a private one, so at least no one else can listen in, and then does speak. ]

The loss would be one thing. I mean, I don't think I would've felt like celebrating the day after that either. But.. after my aunt adopted me, and claimed to be my mother while treating me horribly, I guess I kind of soured on the concept of mothers as a whole.

[ She's been trying to do better about that here, especially with one person in this place in particular, but it's still hard. ]

Stuff like that makes it harder.

That's not surprising. There are some things that my friends celebrated that I couldn't. It held a different meaning to me than it did to them.

[ wanda could never celebrate tony stark. while she had appeared at his funeral, she had been there for her friends. she had been there for natasha. she'd been there for vision. she had hoped to say goodbye to him would fill the crater in her chest, but all it did was make her feel more alone.

it puts her as the outlier to everyone else.

she considers not voicing it. but given that the conversation is now private, it's an invitation. what she'll say will exist in a void only the two of them know how to find. ]

I... well. [ she sighs quietly. ] When my friends celebrated someone who was responsible for hurting my family, I used it as an opportunity to celebrate someone else. I couldn't celebrate them. I just couldn't do it.

Of course you couldn't.

[ Ange may have hesitated a little on the mother talk, considering her complicated feelings surrounding any topic that involves mothers of any kind.

But this? This gets absolutely zero hesitation from the girl. She replies to Wanda as if she doesn't even have to think about it. There's not even a second where Ange seems to consider judging Wanda for it. ]

Why should you? Even if your friends like that person, they're still the one who hurt your family. That's the most unforgivable thing anyone can ever do. [ There's definitely some emotion in Ange's tone. All of this is a little more personal than she'd like to admit to. It's weirdly relatable in a way she didn't imagine it would be. ] You made the right choice for yourself.

[ her immediate reply makes wanda feel confident. vision had done his best to try and comfort her, but he had his own ties to tony stark that he would never be able to cut loose.

it feels good to be validated, even if ange doesn't have the full story. ]

Sometimes I don't feel like it is.

[ wanda has a feeling that ange might know how second-guessing oneself feels. if everyone else doesn't have a problem… ]

Sometimes it's best to forgive and move on. But… it always sounds like an impossible thing to me to do.

[ God.

Does this ever hit home. Ange already imagine this talk might get a little awkwardly into her feelings with the entire mother thing, but at least she was able to prepare herself for that. Suddenly relating to this comes entirely out of left field, and it leaves her silent for a moment, trying to adjust. ]

You don't have to forgive to move on. [ But then again, Ange is 100% a member of team resent and remember.. ] You can move on without forgiving them. You can acknowledge that they hurt you, and not forgive them for it, but also decide to not let them control even a part of your life or thoughts any longer.

[ Ange says it fairly confidently, but her voice falters after she pauses. ]

.. I know that's not easy though. I told you my mom died. And I thought-- I thought I did just that. Moving on, and no longer thinking of the person who killed her, and killed my dad, and my brother, and the rest of my family. [ Maybe it'll help Wanda too to show why she gets it.

Or maybe it'll just help Ange. To talk about this in the first place. ]

But then that person showed up in this place, and the way that made me feel made me realise I didn't move on at all. So I know it's hard. And it sucks.

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AUDIO | UN: 🐟 WANDA

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cw: brief mention of family death and child abuse

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