text - un: ilikemeat

[velvet_teen]

content warnings: discussion of menstruation and puberty, baus-related beast transformation, complex yet flippant feelings about dead mom stuff

[ Alice's body has been up to some distressing changes. She's under the impression that every single one of them are normal things that happen to a young maiden of a certain age, which is not entirely correct. She has questions, and absolutely does not trust any of the people she lives with to give her a correct answer. Hence, the decision to ask absolutely everyone in Trench at once, because shame is something that happens to other people. ]


I have that disease where you feel like crap and then blood clumps come out of your downstairs bits. How do you stop feeling so crap? This keeps happening every month and I'm fed up with it. My stomach hurts and I don't want to eat all the stuff I usually want to eat. Some of you old people have to know what to do about this, right??

I keep itching and growing hair in new places, too, when is that over with?

And you can't make fun of me for not knowing anything because I don't have a mom because she is dead, and also I will kick your butt if you make fun of me.

[ Yeah, that's a good way to ask for help. She has to be aggressive!! Otherwise people won't take her seriously!! ]

Comments

Text UN: ClickClickBloom

[onekindsoul]

Look if anyone makes fun of you for that I'm joining in to kick their butt.

The only thing more awkward than going through this without a mom is going through it with a dad who has absolutely no idea what he's doing. He meant well but the dad jokes were just- yeesh.

[velvet_teen]

Fathers are nothing but trouble and I'm glad I don't have one!

Uncles and sisters are the only family worth having

[onekindsoul]

They really are.

You have excellent taste in good family members. My sister and my uncle are my favorites too.

Is your sister older or younger?

And on a scale of 1 to 10 how smelly is your uncle?

text: un; an.observer (CW: menstrual cycle)

[thisislife]

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but that's normal. All of it, from the blood to the hair. It's like the whole puberty, ~~becoming a woman~~ bullshit. Basically, the blood is something which will happen every twenty-eight days and no, there's no real way around it. The hair will take a while to grow but once it's done, it's done.

Does this place even have tampons? All I've been able to find are pads.

[velvet_teen]

We were born at the same time but I'm definitely the older one.

[ You could bring in time differentials between the Abyss and so forth but Alice isn't that cerebral, she just. Wants to be the older one and is louder about it. ]

Does your sister look like you and would I know it from looking at her?

Also Uncle Oswald smelled like a 3. He'd walk through the garden to visit so he'd always smell like flowers but he had five contracts so there was always this Abyss whiff on him. This was back when the Abyss smelled a lot cleaner, though.

[velvet_teen]

nooooooo

There's gotta be blood magic to fix that I don't want to waste my upcoming adult life on this every twenty eight days.

What's a tampon, is that medicine?

[ Alice's education has been lacking. She's very sheltered, she's from Victorian times and she was raised in a weird cult by a man who almost certainly did not know what a tampon was either. She has broadened her horizons in Trench and that's the only reason she doesn't jump to 'can you eat it'. ]

Text | un: alphatwin

[sparklehorror]

[OH GOSH. Oh geez. Didn't Dipper say once the Alices and their people in the ghost house are all, like, Victorians or something?? That means they come from a world where doctors were even stupider and thought whenever a woman got upset it was because her uterus was crawling around inside her like a demon or something. It is Mabel's duty as a modern Californian whose closest companion is a stinky boy to inject some knowledge into this girl's life, and stat.]

okok listen up because this is SUPER IMPORTANT, Alice
if ever you are sad or mad and somebody says "oh you must be on your period, haha calm down"
("on your period" is what people call Downstairs Blood Clumps Disease)
that's a dumb joke that needs to die because it means they are looking down on you for being a woman
so if that ever happens you kick their butt then too, ok????

[velvet_teen]

[ This is wildly useful information put in a form she can understand, but also: she would absolutely believe it if Mabel had told her about crawly demon guts. She is an open sponge soaking up knowledge like a certain wad of fabric upon her person is currently soaking up blood clumps ]

If anyone disrespects me I will crush them! or if my stomach hurts too much I will tell Ruby to crush them.

[ In this past year, Alice has learned much about the magic of relying on other people. ]

[sparklehorror]

good!! at times like this we blood clumpers have to have solidarity!!!

which brings me to my next most important point:
has anybody explained yet how to make your cramps better?
(that's why your stomach hurts. I can tell you why it's doing that in a minute but pain relief first)

(CW: frank talk of menstruation, body parts)

[thisislife]

I'm sorry. It sucks, but it's part of being female-bodied. As for blood magic, I honestly have no idea, we don't have magic in my world. It's possible there's a way to make it stop that way, I honestly don't know.

[oh, no]

Not exactly. It's a piece of cotton or some other absorbent kind of fabric and it's inserted inside your vagina so that the blood soaks the fabric. When it's full you take it out and put a new one in.

[help. help. help. at least Suze had been thorough when it came to these kinds of topics so she knows what to say in theory, but she's never had to actually put it into words before]

[velvet_teen]

no

do I have to eat mushrooms? even if I have to eat weird mushrooms I will do it

[ after the worst cave adventure she has had a complicated relationship with mushrooms and feels like she would like to eat them again but also is mad about mushrooms and feels like she needs an excuse to get back on the mushroom wagon as it were, and also she can't think of any other possible solutions ]

text | un: Da Silva

[rosae]

( Rose is one of those old people who can help with this. A few very strange factors led to her never experiencing this kind of talk with her own daughter — and along that avenue of thought, her heart's already aching at this poor girl growing up without a mother. It sounds as though she's been given some very troubling information. )

Did someone tell you it was a disease? It's not anything so scary as that, I promise. It's just your body going through some very natural things. It happens to me every month, too.

Heat helps with the pain. Hot water bottles, or anything warm that you can place on your lower back, or stomach. Drinking lots of water can also help it not hurt as much.

[sparklehorror]

you don't gotta eat em. they make medicine where they put all the good stuff that helps into a little capsule and you swallow it whole
if you go to a pharmacy and tell them what your problem is they can tell you what kind will work best and how much to take

[Mabel does not actually need painkillers anymore, as it turns out her vileblood has turned her into a pain-immune tank. She knows these meds exist because Grunkle Stan was so old his body had all kinds of exciting pains in it, and his stash is still in the bathroom cabinet. But, that's precisely why she is not actually recommending anything specific herself. She doesn't know what's good or not, and...Grunkle Stan isn't around for her to ask. Not. Not technically.]

something else that helps tho is heat!
so like a hot shower or a hot drink or a warm cat on your lap
OR or they have these big flat rubber bottles you can fill up with hot water and use like a cat if the cat leaves
now is the time to live your warm blanket dreams!!!
if you feel to poopy to get up you can make somebody bring you the hot water bottle too.

[velvet_teen]

[ Alice absorbs this knowledge in affronted horror. A series of messages come very quickly, before Suze has time to reply to the last:]

What if it falls out and you bleed all over your dress?!

It doesn't matter anyway I always wear red and black what do you mean you can just jam any old cloth up there

Does everyone think I wear red and black because I'm bad at tampons

I just happen to like those colors!! I would be an expert at tanpoms if I used any!!

[thisislife]

It? If you mean a tampon, there's always a chance it might leak, so I usually include a panty-liner along with the tampon. That way, the blood goes on the liner, not your dress.

Not any old cloth! That might give you toxic shock syndrome. Your best bet is to go to one of the places that claim they have remedies and ask about Tampax. I don't care how much time passed to make Trench, Trench. Asking for Tampax is like asking for any old tissue, but calling it Kleenex. It got me what I needed, at least.

No, no, I'm sure no one thinks so! If you like red and black, keep on wearing them. And anyone who hassles you about it can go to hell.

Hey, do you want me to bring over some of my supplies and we can talk about this in person? This kind of thing is best done that way.

[velvet_teen]

medicine. hot bottles. cats.

[ There is an interlude of shenanigans as Alice bullies her Omen into hunting down batcats and then records Raspy getting absolutely bodied by a fellow flying animal. Laughing causes pain but she feels a bit better and also sends her new advisor the video file. And then vacates to the kitchen because the stove is on for bread reasons. ]

whats the best hot drink

[velvet_teen]

Being natural sucks. I want to be an unnatural creature of the dark abyss instead.

[velvet_teen]

Why not just wear the liners then!!

[ There's a lot of vocabulary being thrown around that seems important to not mix up. She doesn't know what toxic shock is but none of it sounds great! Which leads her to conclude that maybe hearing it in person would make it stick, as it were. ]

You can come over if you want. I live in the big house out by the graveyard with the skeleton art in front. There's a crystal in it, so I can send Raspy to get you.

[rosae]

Okay, I completely understand that.

( Oh, to be an unnatural creature of the dark abyss... )

I'm sorry. I know it's a lot to deal with, but you definitely don't have to face it alone.

Also, please don't feel bad at all for not knowing. Where I'm from, they barely teach people about things like this. I didn't know a lot about my own body until I was older. Especially because I lost my mom when I was young, too.

text : un: furuderika

[miiraculous]

Do not worry. I think that's normal for girls after a certain age.

It has not happened to me yet, but it has happened to some of my classmates. I think I know some things that might help you, miss.

action

[swornto]

[Alice has been dealing with WHAT and he's just been STANDING AROUND?

Seeing the message, Oz finds himself torn in many emotional directions. He's glad to see that Alice is aging and growing up like a normal girl, which is all his bunny heart wants for her, but this sort of thing... How can he help? He can't! And that inability to help his mistress in her time of need has him pacing around the house. Normally, the threats to Alice are ones that can be solved with a scythe, but this??

Pacing continues. He's gradually getting closer to her room, but he's still not sure what he'd even do after knocking. He's a boy! A body thief, at that. A stuffed animal body thief boy! What the heck does he know about puberty for girls???]

[velvet_teen]

I'm the great Alice and I've never felt bad about anything in my entire life!

[ Alice gets Weird about sympathy sometimes, or arguably most times. ]

I don't know what weird body things are vergina things and what's Trench things and what's Baskerville things and it's not my fault because nobody told me!

And it's not your fault either!

[velvet_teen]

We can use each other. You tell me your secret knowledge and I'll tell you if it works so you will know for when you get the inescapable blood clumps illness.

text | un: shithog

[foulhussy]

uh yeah

that'll happen

to most girls

[miiraculous]

If it makes you feel better, then I will be plenty happy. But if it is a blood pact that you wish for, then Furude Rika will oblige! ☆

I have heard it is called a period. You can ease the pain with hot tea and medicine.