text - un: ilikemeat

[velvet_teen]

content warnings: discussion of menstruation and puberty, baus-related beast transformation, complex yet flippant feelings about dead mom stuff

[ Alice's body has been up to some distressing changes. She's under the impression that every single one of them are normal things that happen to a young maiden of a certain age, which is not entirely correct. She has questions, and absolutely does not trust any of the people she lives with to give her a correct answer. Hence, the decision to ask absolutely everyone in Trench at once, because shame is something that happens to other people. ]


I have that disease where you feel like crap and then blood clumps come out of your downstairs bits. How do you stop feeling so crap? This keeps happening every month and I'm fed up with it. My stomach hurts and I don't want to eat all the stuff I usually want to eat. Some of you old people have to know what to do about this, right??

I keep itching and growing hair in new places, too, when is that over with?

And you can't make fun of me for not knowing anything because I don't have a mom because she is dead, and also I will kick your butt if you make fun of me.

[ Yeah, that's a good way to ask for help. She has to be aggressive!! Otherwise people won't take her seriously!! ]

Comments

Text UN: ClickClickBloom

[onekindsoul]

Look if anyone makes fun of you for that I'm joining in to kick their butt.

The only thing more awkward than going through this without a mom is going through it with a dad who has absolutely no idea what he's doing. He meant well but the dad jokes were just- yeesh.

[velvet_teen]

Fathers are nothing but trouble and I'm glad I don't have one!

Uncles and sisters are the only family worth having

text: un; an.observer (CW: menstrual cycle)

[thisislife]

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but that's normal. All of it, from the blood to the hair. It's like the whole puberty, ~~becoming a woman~~ bullshit. Basically, the blood is something which will happen every twenty-eight days and no, there's no real way around it. The hair will take a while to grow but once it's done, it's done.

Does this place even have tampons? All I've been able to find are pads.

[velvet_teen]

nooooooo

There's gotta be blood magic to fix that I don't want to waste my upcoming adult life on this every twenty eight days.

What's a tampon, is that medicine?

[ Alice's education has been lacking. She's very sheltered, she's from Victorian times and she was raised in a weird cult by a man who almost certainly did not know what a tampon was either. She has broadened her horizons in Trench and that's the only reason she doesn't jump to 'can you eat it'. ]

Text | un: alphatwin

[sparklehorror]

[OH GOSH. Oh geez. Didn't Dipper say once the Alices and their people in the ghost house are all, like, Victorians or something?? That means they come from a world where doctors were even stupider and thought whenever a woman got upset it was because her uterus was crawling around inside her like a demon or something. It is Mabel's duty as a modern Californian whose closest companion is a stinky boy to inject some knowledge into this girl's life, and stat.]

okok listen up because this is SUPER IMPORTANT, Alice
if ever you are sad or mad and somebody says "oh you must be on your period, haha calm down"
("on your period" is what people call Downstairs Blood Clumps Disease)
that's a dumb joke that needs to die because it means they are looking down on you for being a woman
so if that ever happens you kick their butt then too, ok????

[velvet_teen]

[ This is wildly useful information put in a form she can understand, but also: she would absolutely believe it if Mabel had told her about crawly demon guts. She is an open sponge soaking up knowledge like a certain wad of fabric upon her person is currently soaking up blood clumps ]

If anyone disrespects me I will crush them! or if my stomach hurts too much I will tell Ruby to crush them.

[ In this past year, Alice has learned much about the magic of relying on other people. ]

text | un: Da Silva

[rosae]

( Rose is one of those old people who can help with this. A few very strange factors led to her never experiencing this kind of talk with her own daughter — and along that avenue of thought, her heart's already aching at this poor girl growing up without a mother. It sounds as though she's been given some very troubling information. )

Did someone tell you it was a disease? It's not anything so scary as that, I promise. It's just your body going through some very natural things. It happens to me every month, too.

Heat helps with the pain. Hot water bottles, or anything warm that you can place on your lower back, or stomach. Drinking lots of water can also help it not hurt as much.

[velvet_teen]

Being natural sucks. I want to be an unnatural creature of the dark abyss instead.

text : un: furuderika

[miiraculous]

Do not worry. I think that's normal for girls after a certain age.

It has not happened to me yet, but it has happened to some of my classmates. I think I know some things that might help you, miss.

[velvet_teen]

We can use each other. You tell me your secret knowledge and I'll tell you if it works so you will know for when you get the inescapable blood clumps illness.

action

[swornto]

[Alice has been dealing with WHAT and he's just been STANDING AROUND?

Seeing the message, Oz finds himself torn in many emotional directions. He's glad to see that Alice is aging and growing up like a normal girl, which is all his bunny heart wants for her, but this sort of thing... How can he help? He can't! And that inability to help his mistress in her time of need has him pacing around the house. Normally, the threats to Alice are ones that can be solved with a scythe, but this??

Pacing continues. He's gradually getting closer to her room, but he's still not sure what he'd even do after knocking. He's a boy! A body thief, at that. A stuffed animal body thief boy! What the heck does he know about puberty for girls???]

[velvet_teen]

PISSGUZZLING FUCKNUGGET!

[ At least her lungs are healthy ]

text | un: shithog

[foulhussy]

uh yeah

that'll happen

to most girls

[velvet_teen]

why do i have to be most girls????

teach me more swears

text | un: alcaid

[ghostharasser]

[Okay. Dipper went back and forth on responding to this because it's something that IS normal and he does know enough about what's happening here, but he's also a stinky boy and he knows when something isn't his business.]

[However, he has realized, suddenly, that someone ELSE could use his advice, and that someone is Oz who is probably losing his shit somewhere in the background.]

Okay, so Mabel told you a lot of really good stuff, and I can't add much to that for you, Alice, BUT.

Oz, dude. Listen. Your job in this is super important, so I have some advice for you.

text | un: OZ

[swornto]

[Somewhere in the shared house of Pandoras, Oz has just tripped over his own feet. Why is he being addressed?? Can people sense him panicking???]

I have a job??

Text | UN: echo

[individualized]

[Content warning for a very scientific explanation of menstruation. I am so sorry.]

[If she understood what "username" meant better this would be more anonymous...]

When a female is in the proper age range for producing offspring, the uterus prepares its inner layer for the potential development of an infant. When a child is not produced, the body sheds that lining in order to keep it healthy for future breeding attempts. This takes place every 3 to 7 weeks, and involves the discharging of the tissue and blood contained within said lining. Other common symptoms include fatigue and abdominal pain. The process is referred to as menstruation and is not preventable until the female reaches a more advanced age when she no longer has the capacity to contribute to procreation.

Collecting the emissions in absorbent fabric and common pain reducing remedies are the best courses of action.

[velvet_teen]

Are you telling me this is about babies?! It's doing this because I haven't eaten any babies yet?!

text; un:lady

[dohaeris]

[well, there is a lot of information here, some of it very helpful to sansa, actually? but it seems like it took people entirely too long to get to babies. and that was not particularly clear either.]

It happens to all women who might bear children, someday. As others have told you, your womb is preparing itself for a child.

[surely someone has told this girl where babies come from by now? in lessons, if not from a family member??]

There are teas to ease the pains. I only know willowbark and meadowsweet. You might ask an apothecary.

Many people wear darker clothes for fear of bloodstains, here, and not only the monthly kind. No one would think anything of you for wearing black and red. They are very popular colors.

They have pads, like rags, you can put in your smallclothes, here. There is even a sticker on the back to keep them in place. Sometimes they will say you can return them, as payment. But they won't refuse you, if you wish to pay with some token, instead.

You would do well to stay out of the woods or other treacherous areas until your bleeding is done. It is said to attract beasts, but I have found that I'm safe in my home in Cellar Door.

Everyone gets the hair. If you are a paleblood, the itching might be alleviated through the presence of vileblood. I could make you a vile bloodstone, if you like.

[velvet_teen]

Darkblood, but there's a vileblood in my house and he does what I tell him to.

[ Aka they are friends and they like being around each other, Alice is so terrible at putting things like a normal person does. ]

This is good to know, I could jump around like normal if I had sticky rags.

text; un: catsandmagic

[occultfan]

Um, if you need help I can help with it.

I have years of experience dealing with it after all.

[People are already explaining why it happens so she honestly didn't see the point in that, but helping in other ways she can do.]

Though I do have to ask how have you been dealing with it before now?

[velvet_teen]

I have been dealing with it by not telling anybody why I'm in a bad mood and going around feeling like crap whenever it happens.

I need a new method the old one is bad.

text, un: AskMalice

[slayerskiss]

It's complete bullshit is what it is. Your body'll just do this and we're supposed to just handle it.

When it happened the first few times for me, I just kicked any boys I found annoying until I evened out the pain. I think I was onto something tbh.

[Baby Faith, the most aggressive feminist.]

Re: text, un: AskMalice

[velvet_teen]

I already kick the boys when they get on my nerves

But now they're being thoughtful and bringing me stuff. I don't want to train them to not do that.

[ Alice is realizing that so many of the girls here are really cool. ]

Action because I live here

[payingfordeliverance]

[Later that evening, once the conversations in Alice's post have mostly wound down and her other visitors have come and gone, there comes the sound of claws tip-tapping against hardwood and then a gentle snuffling at Alice's bedroom door. A waft of shadow then oozes its way beneath it, two pinprick eyes hovering within the blackness. Once they spot Alice, the shadow forms itself properly into the familiar shape of the household noodle dog. Baltus gives himself a good shake to settle into his skin again and then trots on over, inviting himself right up onto the bed so that he can be flopped on if such a thing suits her.]

Xerxes and I have been to the market. [This is not an abnormal activity for them. However:] He will be up shortly with hot food and special tea for you.

[It is not at all out of character for Break to go out of his way to do something kind for the sake of kindness when one of his own is feeling poorly. Has Alice ever experienced this? Very probably not.]