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deernet2022-05-21 05:40 am
likethelight) wrote in deernet2022-05-21 05:40 am
video; un: an.exorcist
[ Deep breath, come on, you've got this. ]
...just because someone becomes a beast, it doesn't mean they stop being human.
[ The video comes on and it's an older, slender teenager with stark white hair; pale grey eyes and a strangely delicate bright red mark slashed across the left side of his face. He seems to be in a courtyard of sorts, one of Amaterasu's guardian saplings is behind him in full bloom. He's only visible from the chest up, but the chair he's sitting in has handles behind it-- looks like a wheelchair. Whatever is taking the video also appears to be a flying sort of thing that bobs slightly. It's trying to hold this video still, but really... ]
Most of you probably already know this. [ His head cants to the side with a lightly apologetic smile. ] Some of you might even be able to still hear or reach them despite that form.
But not everyone does, and it's still too easy to say "oh, it's safer and quicker to just kill them. You don't save monsters." [ The official creed of the Hunters... but he's diplomatic enough to not say that aloud. ] Or "oh, a Sleeper can just come back." Except it isn't just us. Someone else who isn't... most of them who were human... they aren't like us. [ He smiles softly, but in a way that doesn't reach his eyes. They hood, bittersweet. ]
They're just dead then. The soul suffers until the end. Maybe beyond.
It doesn't have to be like that though. [ He seems a soft-spoken sort with a lilted voice, but his tone shifts then and becomes more certain. ] They aren't just a monster, and they don't have to stay one. Even with what they've become -- the soul is still human. Some part of them still wants to be saved; to be themselves once again. And they can. [ Mostly. At least so far in his experience. ]
Some of us have abilities that can let us purify or reverse what corrupted them and bring them back. Some of us-- [ he pauses, looking for a moment just a touch overwhelmed as his eyes drift to the side, the smallest curl of a touched sort of smile at the corner of his mouth ] ... a number of us, we're trying to do something to change things. At one of the old monasteries in Crenshaw.
[ But he closes his eyes. Deep breath, you can do this.
He lifts his eyes back up to the "camera", his expression schooled now with a quiet sort of determination. Chin up, eyes forward. ]
My name is Allen Walker. I'm an Exorcist. [ Clearer, more certain: steady. Rung like a quiet bell. ]
Who's been able to save someone who became a beast?
[ More importantly: ] Who wants to?
[ It's more determined and clearer still. ]
...just because someone becomes a beast, it doesn't mean they stop being human.
[ The video comes on and it's an older, slender teenager with stark white hair; pale grey eyes and a strangely delicate bright red mark slashed across the left side of his face. He seems to be in a courtyard of sorts, one of Amaterasu's guardian saplings is behind him in full bloom. He's only visible from the chest up, but the chair he's sitting in has handles behind it-- looks like a wheelchair. Whatever is taking the video also appears to be a flying sort of thing that bobs slightly. It's trying to hold this video still, but really... ]
Most of you probably already know this. [ His head cants to the side with a lightly apologetic smile. ] Some of you might even be able to still hear or reach them despite that form.
But not everyone does, and it's still too easy to say "oh, it's safer and quicker to just kill them. You don't save monsters." [ The official creed of the Hunters... but he's diplomatic enough to not say that aloud. ] Or "oh, a Sleeper can just come back." Except it isn't just us. Someone else who isn't... most of them who were human... they aren't like us. [ He smiles softly, but in a way that doesn't reach his eyes. They hood, bittersweet. ]
They're just dead then. The soul suffers until the end. Maybe beyond.
It doesn't have to be like that though. [ He seems a soft-spoken sort with a lilted voice, but his tone shifts then and becomes more certain. ] They aren't just a monster, and they don't have to stay one. Even with what they've become -- the soul is still human. Some part of them still wants to be saved; to be themselves once again. And they can. [ Mostly. At least so far in his experience. ]
Some of us have abilities that can let us purify or reverse what corrupted them and bring them back. Some of us-- [ he pauses, looking for a moment just a touch overwhelmed as his eyes drift to the side, the smallest curl of a touched sort of smile at the corner of his mouth ] ... a number of us, we're trying to do something to change things. At one of the old monasteries in Crenshaw.
[ But he closes his eyes. Deep breath, you can do this.
He lifts his eyes back up to the "camera", his expression schooled now with a quiet sort of determination. Chin up, eyes forward. ]
My name is Allen Walker. I'm an Exorcist. [ Clearer, more certain: steady. Rung like a quiet bell. ]
Who's been able to save someone who became a beast?
[ More importantly: ] Who wants to?
[ It's more determined and clearer still. ]
[ ooc: for those who want to poke around in person, there is also an open mingle log for Sanctuary!
CW: mentions of prior character death throughout ]
CW: mentions of prior character death throughout ]
no subject
Or... dishonest, maybe. [ Semantics. Also, he's trying to figure out how to actually parse his feelings. Why he hates the idea of being called a leader so much -- besides thinking like he doesn't deserve something like that. It detracts from what everyone else is doing. ]
I think... it's easy for people to find problems with the way things are done. And to have their ideals, but not act on them because there isn't a convenient way to at the time. To blame it on things being the way they were, keep their head down, and just do what they can while hoping for things to change.
[ He glances down, eyes flicking for a moment somewhat soberly between his hands. Left, right. ]
At least, I think that's how it was for me. [ He was a Hunter at first too, you know. Very briefly, before having a violent disagreement on morality he wouldn't compromise on and deciding to do his own thing. And... technically, that's also how the Order was for him at times, too. ]
I vowed to save them, you know? Akuma. And that applies to Beasts now too, because I can save them the same way. Better, as they're still alive and it can be reversed. And I know there have to be others with abilities effective at that. There are others. And even if there still aren't many of us, with the help of still more people who believe in the same we can help a lot more than we otherwise could. [ Speaking gently and calmly, but with a growing sort of certainty. ]
So if I can see an action that will help lead towards so many that have become Beasts possibly being saved, more than I ever could on my own, and I don't take it when everyone else is hoping so strongly for that too and giving their all... then that would mean betraying all of it. None of those vows would mean anything.
[ A pause, trying to sum that up. Trying to actually grapple with it himself for the first time, to be honest. And when he speaks, it's softly but with quiet realization. ]
It's the only path I can see to take.
no subject
Titles like Hunters and Heroes lend credence. They're tools by which they conduct their work. At a glance, they're easy to understand but wholly more complex than the simple title may indicate. It holds different meanings for everyone. A protector to some, an antagonist to others. It ranges.
HeroesHunters fall at every point on the spectrum because that's what it means to operate in a system built by imperfect beings. All you can do is try your best to navigate it while staying true to yourself.What does a Hero mean to you?
Even now, his mother's words stay close to his heart, resonating with new meaning in Trench.
Heroes save people.
The rest is semantics. Hunter, Blood Minister, Scholar, Nightwalker, etc. Up to this point, he's agreed with everything Allen's said only there's a divide now. Probably the same one that's existed between Hunters and Night Walkers for some time.
Hypocrite. Dishonest. Ideals. Convenience. Blame. Change. Beasts. Alive. Effective. Believe. Save. Hope. Betrayal. Vows.
He adds the new details to the picture of Allen he's formed in his mind, filling in the blank spaces, and a new aspect of him starts to materialize. It deepens his understanding revealing a small rift. ]
Allen. What does a Hunter mean to you?
no subject
His gaze comes up at that, meeting Shouto's eyes and flickering between them. His expression smooth for a moment, hesitant, before he smiles a little sadly. After all, Shouto is still one, ne? So is Jason. So are several kind-hearted people who would rather save someone from beasthood if they could. But they're entirely Sleepers, and the native Hunters of Trench, the tenets of the organization itself...Allen's quiet for a moment, his smile sad-sweet and a little apologetic, before he answers. And the answer is quite easy and comes to him without even needing to think about it. ]
I want to believe it can be about saving people without killing others who did nothing wrong. No matter what form they may be in.
[ Because that's what it is, the truth his eye reveals. Some beasts are animals, but the majority... are human. Natives. ]
Even if I know it isn't always that easy.
1/2
It is a Hunter's job to patrol borders, patrol the roads, and to keep the regular citizens safe. Hunters will help to transport people from one location to another during dangerous situations.
He's never killed because Heroes don't kill in his world. From the start, it was never an option for him. Still young and inexperienced with the ways of the world, he gravitated to the oath that was familiar to him — patrolling borders and roads; keeping regular citizens safe. Transporting people from one location to another. All the duties Hero's in his world performed regularly.
He's not entirely naive, though. He knows tragedy strikes when there is no backup. It's rare in his world, where Heroes of every type work together for the greater good. Here in Trench, that's not the norm. It was difficult for him to comprehend the individualistic nature of the Hunters here, but he's come to find a balance by patrolling on his own. He's clashed with fewer Hunters that way.
The truth of the matter is that he comes from an idealistic world where the pillars of society have only recently been questioned, where deaths are increasing but rare. Where ideologies have only recently clashed. Heroes and Villains. Hunters and Beasts. It's the closest comparison he knows, and while Shouto will always be a Hero, being a Hunter isn't an ideology for him. It's a label just as easy to exchange for any of the others here in Trench. For now, the title is the closest to what he does: save people. ]
2/2
Then, his answer. Diplomatic in every sense and it raises his hackles. You're evading the question. How many times has he been given a similar response from his teachers, Heroes who thought he was too young to understand; placating a child. He didn't care for it then, he doesn't care for it now. But Allen isn't someone he wants to clash with, so he refrains himself from calling him out like he did with the Chief of Police, choosing instead to believe that he means well. Still, he's blunt in his response. ]
You don't believe it, then.
no subject
It's why he has to hesitate, wondering why that is. We're of a like mind on this, right? So why...
He worries at his lip for a moment, weighing that. He really hates that this isn't a conversation in person, too, and he's contemplative before he responds. ]
...did you know the monsters they keep for sport and Hunter practice at The Gate aren't just monsters, but often Beasts? [ Speaking so gently still. ] Human ones, too. And they howl and wail worse than most others because of it. That's why Alayne had to make me an eyepatch for the tournament. [ Because it was deafening being that close to them, both to his eye and mind. Painful, like something grabbing the root of your eye and twisting when he didn't do anything because he couldn't. Not that the eyepatch helped that at all but at least then he wasn't scaring people with its appearance. Not great for his own corruption levels either, and he'd been getting moody and a little disconnected by the end of it. ]
People who have lost their loved ones to Beasthood are terrified of that, you know. That they end up there and can't even know the mercy of a quick death. That they're so close, and yet impossible to reach or give any relief to. [ Those people you see him stop and talk with on the street for sometimes great length, especially those who recently knew someone who became a Beast or disappeared and likely ended up that way. These are the things he wants to talk to them about, why he wants to get to know them, and to understand what their hopes and fears are. That when it comes down to parents, siblings, children, loved ones... it isn't just black and white. It isn't just Beasts must be put down. Most would still give anything for them to be safely returned if they could.
None of them would ever want to see them used in sport, too. Sport. Hunters run that and keep the pens. And you better believe he was scouting those as best he could to see how well guarded they were. ]
Some of them are scared even when they first turn, even if they know the Hunters will always protect them and keep them safe. Did you know when people started finding out what I could do they'd find me and beg me to find their loved one who turned before a Hunter did?
And I couldn't... more often than not, I couldn't. I could have, but I didn't get there in time. More often than not, someone else got there first.
[ It's... a mindfuck. Absolutely haunting to someone like Allen, especially when he could never find them and there was only one likely guess as to the outcome. And absolute driving force behind him being so uncompromising now.
So he's still speaking gently, like this is the sobering thing it is, but his eyes settle on where Shouto's are on Tim's projection. Shoulders set, chin up, eyes gentle; his sort of determination. Please understand him-- ]
I don't think any of that is right, no. Not when any effort to try and save someone afflicted in such a way goes against their "law". There's no justice in a law like that. Even when there are more than a few Sleepers who have become Hunters who skirt that part of it to follow their own ideals--
We're so few. And I doubt they'd like it if any of us were caught being sympathetic when this has been the way their society and organization has always been. I don't want to invalidate anyone's genuine desire to protect people, but... the ways that people who become beasts get treated--
...it's just wrong.
[ So, no... No, he doesn't. ]
...Why are you asking me, anyway? [ It's quietly sincere, if a little worried-sounding. ]
What do you think about them, when you've been a Hunter far longer than I ever was?
no subject
No!
How could he, after he's spent nearly a year wrangling Beasts of every kind, encasing them in his ice and dragging them to the Lumenarium to give the Blood Ministers a chance to save them. Did you really think he'd let you deal with his brother the same way you dealt with the beasts of your world? With the Akuma?
What are Akuma?
If he'd known. He wouldn't have lost control. Wouldn't have interfered. Would have helped him even, but he'd been stupid. Naive. Because he didn't ask, it cost you, your life and still you ask him WHY?!
And his answer, when it comes, is just as devastating as that of the Akuma. Every word, every syllable cuts into his subconscious, chipping away at the image he'd built of the Hunters as a whole. While Allen runs through every encounter, more and more red flags are raised, forcing him to backtrack and question the organization he'd dedicated the last year serving. Question HIS judgement. What kind of Hero missed so much? Even if he couldn't see the people inside the Beasts, he should have at least suspected something. He clashed with the Hunters enough to move away from all that he'd been taught at UA and patrol alone. He'd let himself be blinded by the story they spun to the public.
Did you know...
His eyes widen in acute distress.
Did you know...
A shimmer of gold flickers in the background and the winter coat of a snow leopard covers the bottom half of the video and Shouto holds onto Kizu just out of frame, fingers digging into the heavy coat, needing something tangible to hold onto.
Did you know...
And it's perhaps the gentleness with which Allen says it that's the most damning. Quiet, hesitant, not because he had issues with his thoughts, but because of who he was addressing, a Hunter in every sense of the word. The very people he thought of as... and he understands now. Reads between the lines a little too late.
Why are you asking me this?
Because he knew something was wrong. That he was missing something, only... he never expected it to be ALL of this. A complete overhaul of his perception of an institution he never understood from the start. How foolish was he?! What else didn't he know?! No wonder he hasn't felt like he's changed at all since he arrived. He was still so damn ignorant! Stupid! He hadn't changed at all since his brother had to tell him who he was before Shouto realized the truth of all those encounters with him. All those subtle hints and he'd been blind. Was still blind.
What does he think?! Why does he even care? How... how could he still stand him? After killing him. Then waiting for him as if he wouldn't hate to see him there. His thoughts start to deteriorate from there, corruption creeping at the edge of his subconscious influencing his thoughts and cornering him in the dark. ]
I think... I don't know them at all.
[ Then Kizu is there, snapping at the footholds and tearing at the mid-levels of corruption within his mind. Her work invisible but for the strained expression on her Sleeper. ]
Have this conversation another time.
[ Her voice rings out through telepathy, nice enough to dismiss them before the screen cuts off and she drags her Sleeper to the Farther Shores to the Guardian Sapling. It'll be some time before his levels lower enough to call him back. ]
no subject
It's a belated realization that has Allen taking a sharp breath, as that wasn't the reason he would have guessed. When the other boy's eyes widen and unfocus like that, and he can see the descent of a spiraling sort of despair beginning that's only confirmed when he sees the ripple of Kizu appear. And the fucking worst is the feeling of helplessness at realizing that from here there's almost nothing he can do.
Shit. Look what you did now
"I don't know them at all"....? Allen pitches forward, almost dislodging himself from his chair in the process in his alarm. ]
Shouto? [ Kizu, you're right he thinks, but you can't mean— ]
Shouto, wait—!
[ But the screen's gone. Nothing. And he's left staring for a moment at the blank space and Timcanpy's quietly apologetic demeanor as he processes what just happened, and that it's over just like that. One blink, two...
—and he grabs a stack of paperwork from his nearby desk and throws it as hard as he can because goddamnit fucking shit it's the closest thing he can reach. Shit. Shit.
A minute passes as tries to collect his racing thought. Maybe two, fisting his own bangs in a punishing sort of grip before he looks to Timcanpy, grimacing lightly for a moment. Before he makes up his mind. ]
Where are you?
[ If there isn't any answer after a few minutes, he'll try again. ]
I thought you knew. I'm sorry.
[ If he realized that was what it was about... then he would have gone about it so much more delicately. But if there isn't a response to that either, then finally: ]
Shouto, I'm worried.
[ And if, after all of that, there STILL hasn't been a response within half an hour...
Well, what do you expect? For him to just wait around and pray that "oh, he'll figure it out and be alright" while braiding some flowers? No. He's grabbing his coat and he's heading out to look for him. They'll have the conversation another time Kizu, yes, but if you think he's not going to want to be there for him right now you're mistaken. And Tim... well, he relied on Tim to guide him even before when he wasn't an Omen. It was the golem's purpose. To find things and lead Allen to where he needed to go.
Also, after a while of wondering places he could be, he would actually begin to have a pretty good guess. And Timcanpy an even better one. ]