deernet | Accidental Video; un: darkness

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Accidental Video; un: darkness

[CW: There is canon-style violence in the clips linked, which include a fight which ends in an implied beheading (not shown directly on-screen) and a character being impaled on a lightsaber.]

[The memory begins as Savage, Maul, and a purple-eyed man walk into a throne room. Maul, in all his dramatic glory, challenges the leader of Death Watch to a fight to the death, something he knows Pre Vizsla can't refuse. Maul is given his lightsaber, gives out an inhuman roar like a big cat would, and the fight begins.

For a while, it seems like Maul has bitten off more than he can chew. Vizsla is giving him a challenge and he's on the defense for a good portion of the fight. But Maul isn't stupid and this has all been planned out. He refrains from using his Force powers and even switches to his right hand, his non-dominant one several times in the fight, to make it a more even playing field. He's deliberately holding himself back. When the Death Watch leader shoots off tiny blades at hi, he laughs and it's clear Maul is enjoying himself. This fight is a lot of fun for him, and while Pre Vizsla may be a tough opponent, he's no match for the Sith Lord.

When Maul decides enough is enough, he grabs hold of the man's arm and brutally breaks it, making him drop his weapon. Then the Sith Lord brutally beats him down, kicking him so hard at one point that a tooth goes flying, until it's clear Maul is the winner. He calls the Darksaber to him. Vizsla, surprisingly, takes his impending death well. "Like you said, only the strongest shall rule," he says just before Maul slices his head cleanly off. He looks up and sees Savage smiling proudly at him, a rare expression to see from the younger Zabrak.

Half of Death Watch is quick to follow but the other half, lead by Vizsla's second-in-command Bo-Katan refuse. Maul orders them executed and the two sides begin to fight. As for Maul himself, he sits back on the throne. He is in command of Mandalore now, and by extension, his power in the galaxy has grown.

As the memory fades out, Maul's voice in the present can be heard as he talks to his Omen.]

Venge, what is that? What are you doi--

[And then it cuts out again as the second memory starts. Maul's in the same throne room but now it's night. He seems a little distracted. "Hmmm, I sense a presence. A presence I haven't felt since--" Then his eyes grow wide as he realizes who has arrived. "--Master!" There's more fear expressed in that one word than two years of living in Pthumerian-run towns could ever produce in Maul.

Then Darth Sidious strolls on in like he owns the place, casually strangling two Mandalorian guards as he does so. It's tempting for anyone who's heard about Sidious to be a little confused. This is the man who inspires such fear in Maul? This little old man wearing a dark robe who isn't even as tall as his adopted son? Maul immediately starts in about having done everything to make his way back to his master's side, hoping to buy time. Unfortunately, Sidious knows Maul far too well and can tell he's lying.

He starts in by using the Force to pin Maul and Savage to the windows before letting them go. Maul glances at Savage. This is going to be their toughest fight ever and they'll need to do their best if they want to have a hope of surviving it. When the three start dueling, it becomes apparent that Sidious has outclassed Maul and Savage just as much as Maul had outclassed Pre Vizsla in the last clip. He's enjoying this fight, smiling and laughing as he toys around with the brothers like they're a pair of novices.

At one point, Maul gets knocked out of the fight and he loses consciousness for about twenty seconds, the screen going dark before he staggers to his feet, his sight blurry and not quick to come back. Unfortunately, this costs him everything he holds dear. Sidious quickly gains the upper hand and impales Savage through the chest. Maul's face is one of devastation. "Brother...." He ignores Sidious and leaps to his brother's side.

Savage gasps out his last words. "Brother...I am an unworthy apprentice....I'm not like you....I never was...." Some people think Maul is a heartless bastard but that is proven incorrect as he looks like his hearts are breaking when his brother dies. All he can do is hold onto him as he slips away, knowing there's nothing he can do to stop it. He can't even bring himself to say how much his brother means to him, struck dumb by grief.

There's no time to mourn, however, for Sidious start taunting him. Maul turns back to his brother's killer and he's shaking with rage. This time when he goes after Sidious, the old man isn't smiling anymore. He's not just toying around as Maul fights him, he's actually having to put forth effort. He's pushed his former apprentice over the edge and this time Maul's determined to make him hurt. Those who know lightsaber forms will realize Maul's style of Jar'Kai, using two lightsabers at once, mirrors of that of Sidious' exactly. It was where he learned it, after all.

But his advantage doesn't last for long as Sidious overwhelms him once again. "Have mercy! Please! Please!" For those who know Maul, they might find it odd he's begging for mercy, his tone like that of a scared child. It's unlike the Sith Lord to ask an opponent to spare him. But that's not what he's asking. The mercy he wants is for Sidious to kill him, for he knows that anything the Sith Lord has planned for him is far worse than the sweet release of death would be. But he doesn't get it as Sidious tells him there is no mercy and continues to torture him with Force Lightning. The memory ends with Maul screaming in terror and pain.

Once again, Maul's voice in the present speaks up. This time, he's more aware of what has happened.]

What. Was. That?! Venge, how did that even happen? What did you do? Turn it off! Turn it--!

[And finally the feed cuts out.]

[OOC: An opening post to get the ball rolling for the player plot going on right now!]

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[Maul isn't really wrong in his assessment, but Ezra does know the value of shutting up and just being present, or listening, too.]

...I know there's nothing to fix. What happened, happened.

Sometimes saying stuff out loud helps. And sometimes saying stuff out loud to someone you know is listening, or can relate, even a tiny bit, is better.

I don't think anything is going to help right now.

[For once, Maul's not trying to be difficult or stubborn. He's hurting, and when he's in pain, he doesn't know how to process that. Most of the time, he just ends up lashing out because he was never taught or given the tools to have healthy coping mechanisms.]

[The teenager nods, and says, simply-]

Ok.

Offer stands open.

[About six hours later, Maul contacts Ezra. The background shows he's in his ship the Scimitar, the one parked in his front yard. He would deny it, but yes, he is hiding right now from any and all Sleepers. His Omen Venge and Malice the vornskr are curled up with one on either side of him in one of the sleeping bunks, the two large creatures barely able to fit but clearly unwilling to leave Maul alone right now.]

At least now everyone knows I'm not exaggerating about what growing up under him was like.

[No one's ever said it to his face, mainly because they probably know Maul would Force Choke them for it, but Maul's always gotten a certain feeling that some people think that Sidious couldn't have possibly been as bad as Maul made him out to be. No one could be that deliberately cruel to a child........could they?]

[Hiding with animal friends is valid, in Ezra's opinion, as long as you don't hide away forever. He even privately approves, as he takes in Maul's surroundings.

He's sitting in the garden area behind Obi-wan's house, with a notebook and Jedi holocron. Self-guided study time. But as he replies to Maul, he scoops those up, and moves to take a Force assisted leap to the roof, so someone can't just walk out and interrupt. Or be bothered by him and Maul talking, for that matter.]

Older-you never really went into details. Whether to protect himself, or me in some way, or both, I'm not sure.

I'd assumed it had to be, well. Worse than I could really imagine. [Which is saying something because by many measures, Ezra's childhood was horrible, too.

I can guess why. I never talk about it because that means having to remember. And that hurts too much.

[As proven by right now. All it does is stir up old pain for Maul, things he'd rather bury deep in his mind and never look at again.]

I knew it wasn't normal the way I grew up under him because I remembered a time before him. But I convinced myself it was because the alternative was realizing I was being raised by a monster who found delight in abusing me.

[It's only in the last couple of months Maul has even been able to call what he went through abuse. Peter had helped him figure that out but it is still hard to admit that's what he'd gone through as a child.]

It was. A nightmare I lived for almost twenty years. In some ways, it's never stopped.

[Maul hadn't been made into the monster he was by being born that way. Sidious had shaped him day by day into one through his systematic breaking down of Maul and building him into the weapon that he wanted.]

[Ezra is quiet for a long moment. Then he leans forward a little towards the viewer, while he's visibly choosing his words, carefully.]

I still can't really imagine. Someone who's supposed to love and protect you, hurting you, deliberately, over and over again. [Ezra has experienced deprivation. Neglect. Crippling isolation. Being hunted. War. But the older version of Maul is the closest Ezra has to that sort of horrific betrayal, from an adult he'd trusted. And he'd only really trusted Maul-formerly-Darth for a less than a day. It's not really the same thing as being raised in that kind of torment.]

But. Sometimes...sometimes when you can't change the situation - letting go of hope is the only way to survive. Holding onto it would be a distraction from the reality you're in. It would be...attachment. Poison.

Tell that to some people here.

[Maul's voice is laced with bitterness and old pain.]

They seem to think I should have somehow grown into a good person living through that day by day, judging me for a past they know nothing about. I don't know of a single person who wouldn't have broken under that treatment and turned into what I am.

[He pauses.]

Obi-Wan, perhaps. But no one else.

Maybe. [He rests his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands.]

But I think he'd be the first to say a lot of who he is because he was raised surrounded by his family. I can actually see him, in the situation you were in, playing the part of the perfect apprentice, to stay alive. Until - until he had enough time operating on his own to find other people and things to love. Finding his own path that way.

[Because he does have a hard time seeing any version of Obi-wan truly buying into power and cruelty, for their own sake. To protect people he loves, though? The Dark can call that way, too, Ezra knows from experience.]

I have literal nightmares about what I might have become if the Empire had found me before my adoptive family. Maybe I'd have been stubborn enough the Inquisitors or Vader would have just killed me, before I broke. But I can't know, can I?

Youth and stubbornness are nothing in the face of one who is making a concerted effort to break you down.

[Which he knows well from personal experience.]

The Dark Side is easy to give into when you have nothing left.

[One of the many reasons Maul still clings to it even to this day.

A flicker of pain crosses Maul's face and only continues to grow as he continues to talk.]

I found people to love after I'd finally broken free of his way of thinking. My family came for me when he just abandoned me. I never thought I would have that in my life but it made me happier than I had ever been before. And then he took them away from me!

[His voice becomes a screech full of old pain and anger. Maul's finally breaking down in a way he hasn't in the entire time he's been here in Trench.]

[Ezra freezes, rather than full on flinch, and reaches out to the Force, to let it in and try to keep himself steady.

Quietly, anguished-]

I know. [He has no words of sympathy that can touch that pain, he doesn't think. No platitudes to give.]

[Maul’s breathing heavily after that outburst, the kind that someone does when they’re trying hard not to burst into tears. He would have thought there would be no tears left to shed after all the crying he’s done today but apparently not. Now that the dam has cracked wide open, there’s no going back.

He scrubs at his face furiously as if he can keep them from getting out by sheer force of will, his voice cracking a little as he speaks.]

The pain is unending. And it never seems to lessen.

[Ezra stays quiet a moment. He both can relate - grief, as far as he can tell, never truly ends and isn't linear. But he can't say his own pain is unending and never feels a little less.

He's left wondering if, on some level, for good or for ill, Maul simply feels things more deeply than he does.

Eventually, carefully-]

For me, some days are better. Others....not even a little bit.

It can be...exhausting.

[Ezra's on the right line of thinking. Maul feels things very deeply and always has. It's always been something innate, his emotions just held a little closer to his hearts than it seems other people do. In another life, it would have made him a fine Jedi if someone would have allowed it to be cultivated into empathy, compassion, and love.

In this one, it just means that his pain, anger, and hate are much more outsized than they otherwise would have been in another person.]

I've never had the chance to mourn.

[He says quietly.]

Always, there has been something else to do, something else I need to do in the moment that doesn't allow me time.

That's what it was usually like for me, back home.

I've had...a few moments, since I got taken out of the galaxy. Lit some candles. Talked about the people I miss.

I couldn't talk to anyone about my family, not at first. It seemed like weakness to focus on something that brought me nothing but pain, to be vulnerable in my grief. Then once Savage arrived it didn't seem right to try and mourn when he's alive and with me again.

[He understands now all too well that wasn't true, that having his brother back doesn't negate the grief he experienced before.]

[Ezra nods in understanding.]

Navigating feelings about the versions here versus...other experiences.

[He sighs.]

A work in progress.

I don't know if any good came from this being put on display for everyone to see. But at least it made me take a look at why I've been stuck in my grief for so long.

[Maul had been stuck in a form of complicated grief for years now, frozen and unable to move forward. This had finally loosened up something in his mind which had been held in place for so long.]

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Accidental Video; un: darkness

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