deernet | Accidental Video; un: darkness

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Accidental Video; un: darkness

[CW: There is canon-style violence in the clips linked, which include a fight which ends in an implied beheading (not shown directly on-screen) and a character being impaled on a lightsaber.]

[The memory begins as Savage, Maul, and a purple-eyed man walk into a throne room. Maul, in all his dramatic glory, challenges the leader of Death Watch to a fight to the death, something he knows Pre Vizsla can't refuse. Maul is given his lightsaber, gives out an inhuman roar like a big cat would, and the fight begins.

For a while, it seems like Maul has bitten off more than he can chew. Vizsla is giving him a challenge and he's on the defense for a good portion of the fight. But Maul isn't stupid and this has all been planned out. He refrains from using his Force powers and even switches to his right hand, his non-dominant one several times in the fight, to make it a more even playing field. He's deliberately holding himself back. When the Death Watch leader shoots off tiny blades at hi, he laughs and it's clear Maul is enjoying himself. This fight is a lot of fun for him, and while Pre Vizsla may be a tough opponent, he's no match for the Sith Lord.

When Maul decides enough is enough, he grabs hold of the man's arm and brutally breaks it, making him drop his weapon. Then the Sith Lord brutally beats him down, kicking him so hard at one point that a tooth goes flying, until it's clear Maul is the winner. He calls the Darksaber to him. Vizsla, surprisingly, takes his impending death well. "Like you said, only the strongest shall rule," he says just before Maul slices his head cleanly off. He looks up and sees Savage smiling proudly at him, a rare expression to see from the younger Zabrak.

Half of Death Watch is quick to follow but the other half, lead by Vizsla's second-in-command Bo-Katan refuse. Maul orders them executed and the two sides begin to fight. As for Maul himself, he sits back on the throne. He is in command of Mandalore now, and by extension, his power in the galaxy has grown.

As the memory fades out, Maul's voice in the present can be heard as he talks to his Omen.]

Venge, what is that? What are you doi--

[And then it cuts out again as the second memory starts. Maul's in the same throne room but now it's night. He seems a little distracted. "Hmmm, I sense a presence. A presence I haven't felt since--" Then his eyes grow wide as he realizes who has arrived. "--Master!" There's more fear expressed in that one word than two years of living in Pthumerian-run towns could ever produce in Maul.

Then Darth Sidious strolls on in like he owns the place, casually strangling two Mandalorian guards as he does so. It's tempting for anyone who's heard about Sidious to be a little confused. This is the man who inspires such fear in Maul? This little old man wearing a dark robe who isn't even as tall as his adopted son? Maul immediately starts in about having done everything to make his way back to his master's side, hoping to buy time. Unfortunately, Sidious knows Maul far too well and can tell he's lying.

He starts in by using the Force to pin Maul and Savage to the windows before letting them go. Maul glances at Savage. This is going to be their toughest fight ever and they'll need to do their best if they want to have a hope of surviving it. When the three start dueling, it becomes apparent that Sidious has outclassed Maul and Savage just as much as Maul had outclassed Pre Vizsla in the last clip. He's enjoying this fight, smiling and laughing as he toys around with the brothers like they're a pair of novices.

At one point, Maul gets knocked out of the fight and he loses consciousness for about twenty seconds, the screen going dark before he staggers to his feet, his sight blurry and not quick to come back. Unfortunately, this costs him everything he holds dear. Sidious quickly gains the upper hand and impales Savage through the chest. Maul's face is one of devastation. "Brother...." He ignores Sidious and leaps to his brother's side.

Savage gasps out his last words. "Brother...I am an unworthy apprentice....I'm not like you....I never was...." Some people think Maul is a heartless bastard but that is proven incorrect as he looks like his hearts are breaking when his brother dies. All he can do is hold onto him as he slips away, knowing there's nothing he can do to stop it. He can't even bring himself to say how much his brother means to him, struck dumb by grief.

There's no time to mourn, however, for Sidious start taunting him. Maul turns back to his brother's killer and he's shaking with rage. This time when he goes after Sidious, the old man isn't smiling anymore. He's not just toying around as Maul fights him, he's actually having to put forth effort. He's pushed his former apprentice over the edge and this time Maul's determined to make him hurt. Those who know lightsaber forms will realize Maul's style of Jar'Kai, using two lightsabers at once, mirrors of that of Sidious' exactly. It was where he learned it, after all.

But his advantage doesn't last for long as Sidious overwhelms him once again. "Have mercy! Please! Please!" For those who know Maul, they might find it odd he's begging for mercy, his tone like that of a scared child. It's unlike the Sith Lord to ask an opponent to spare him. But that's not what he's asking. The mercy he wants is for Sidious to kill him, for he knows that anything the Sith Lord has planned for him is far worse than the sweet release of death would be. But he doesn't get it as Sidious tells him there is no mercy and continues to torture him with Force Lightning. The memory ends with Maul screaming in terror and pain.

Once again, Maul's voice in the present speaks up. This time, he's more aware of what has happened.]

What. Was. That?! Venge, how did that even happen? What did you do? Turn it off! Turn it--!

[And finally the feed cuts out.]

[OOC: An opening post to get the ball rolling for the player plot going on right now!]

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[Savage had lived two of those experiences with his brother, and it was interesting to see the first from his brother's perspective. It gave him an idea of the higher finesse for fighting the Mandalorian leader. He wished he had pushed to learn more from his brother back then.

Of course, that accidental show of memory paled in comparison to the one where he died. He, of course, hadn't realized Maul had called him 'brother' given the difference in their positions at the time. Had he really been that weak to be easily overcome by his brother's Master? Some of the motions seemed like he had lost much of the techniques he had practiced over and over....

He felt a wave of self-loathing, a deep anger at himself that he hadn't been better. The Spare.]

Brother. You should be careful of your memories.

[His voice was rough, strained with a brewing anger. Not at Maul, of course.]

How I failed you.

I don't know what happened. Venge doesn't know either.

[He'd questioned the maalraas repeatedly after the video had broadcast but they seemed to have no idea as to what had caused them to suddenly start showing Maul's memories.

His voice is choked with emotion when Savage mentioned he failed him. Even now, such words cause the old familiar pain to arise in Maul. The fact his brother had been brought back to him here only eased some of it, but the tangle of sorrow, grief, and guilt could never fully go away.]

You didn't-- You never failed me.

[His next words were so soft they could barely be heard.]

I should have protected you better.

That's not usual. Perhaps this month's trial and tribulations?

[Normally it was a month-long or multi-month endeavour that exposed their past lives, but it seemed to him that these memories in particular were the ones where Maul was close to being at his worst. The only other memory he could think of might have been the years that his brother spent on Lotho Minor.

He growled when Maul contested his claim, aware that it was an old wound for the both of them. It definitely hadn't healed right on either of them. He slammed a closed fist against a wall, probably heard in another room in the house that they shared.]

I was tasked with protecting you, of finding you, of helping you obtain a life that had been stolen from you. I didn't always agree with the methods or the plan, but Mandalore was supposed to only be the beginning.

[He snorted softly from his nostrils like a bull.]

Even here where death has no permanence, I don't do enough to help you. Here there is no need to protect me because I can't die, and yet...

It would not surprise me.

[It was just like this place to strike at Maul where he was most vulnerable. Nothing physical could ever wound him as badly as being forced to relieve his memories could. ]

I thought I wanted power. I didn't know anything else that I had been taught to crave in life by my master. I was mistaken. What I really wanted was you. And Mother. I wanted my family.

[Deep pain that will not ever heal crosses his face.]

Just having you here is enough. It always has been. Where are you? I need you by my side.

Edited 2022-05-26 03:36 (UTC)

[This place was excellent at taking their memories. Perhaps it was some kind of blood trick. Or some other effect of the 'gods' of this place, pathetic and meddlesome as they could be occasionally.]

Your Master destroyed you over and over, but you survived. You always survived what he forced you to endure. [He made a soft growling noise in his throat that had no heat to it.] You were setting the pillars that Mother Talzin wanted, I think. And also revenge on your Master.

[Instead of answering about his location, he rose from where he had been exercising with stretches. He lumbered out of the room to find Maul, issuing a low chuffing sound when he saw his brother. He needed no other noise or word to announce himself.]

[As soon as he saw his brother, Maul was answering with an echoed chuff and making his way over to him. He wrapped his arms around his brother in a hug and held on tight. Maul could feel the tears starting to rise to his eyes but for once he didn't try to hold them back. He'd cried only twice in Deerington, once thanks to a magical compulsion and the second when he realized they couldn't save Julia Sodder, the first times he'd done so since he'd been a child. Now, it appeared he could finally properly express his emotions about the loss of his brother.

He hadn't been able to properly mourn for Savage, first because he was fighting Sidious and then trying to be strong when Palpatine and Dooku took turns trying to break him down through torture. After that, everything had happened at such a rapid pace that he was given no time to give into his grief, and it had only been compounded by the loss of his mother. Any time he might have been given a chance to mourn the loss of his family, something else had come along that required him to put it aside.

Now he finally had that chance. He just held onto his brother and let the tears flow. Once they started, he felt like he might never stop crying ever again. At one point, he would have been ashamed to have his brother see him in such a weak state. Now Maul didn't care. He was going to cry until he was either out of tears or he'd caused the shoreline down by the sea to rise by a few inches, whichever came first.]

[The months had been kinder to his brother where Maul could make the same kinds of greetings and noises that were very common for Zabrak living on Dathomir. So much of what they did was nonverbal, but networks and certain situations required them to speak to one another much more often.

He watched Maul come on, and he found the expression on his brother's face to be odd. It was almost like... yes, Maul was upset enough by the memories to cry. He curled a strong arm around his elder brother's shoulders and held Maul in a tight hug. He had only seen Maul cry once before, and it hadn't been a vulnerability that lasted a long time.

Feral cried. Savage cried. Many of the kits of the clan cried. They grew out of the phase rather early in life, turning that level of upset to anger and violence.

He gently rocked their bodies back and forth where they stood, a low purr leaving his throat in reply. He'd hold Maul as long as necessary, and he experienced a softness for Maul that he held for no one else. This was why he held so tightly to his failures. If he had been faster, older, better trained, smarter... maybe he could have found his brother earlier, promoted Maul's position better, etc, etc, etc.]

[This was an opportunity Maul felt it was important to take. So many times in his life, he refused to look at a situation properly and feel emotions for it at the moment it happened. He'd always tell himself he'd mourn and grieve tomorrow, that there would be time for it then. But tomorrow came and there was more things that needed to be done, so he never got the chance.

Now he finally had that chance and so his mind finally decided to let him take it.

He just held onto Savage and grieved for the losses of both him and Talzin, the family he'd wanted and had only a short time before watching them both die in front of his eyes, helpless to stop his master from killing either of them. He also grieved for the life that had been stolen from him. Had it not been for his master, he knew he could have been happy on Dathomir with his family, living there as a Nightbrother. He'd never wanted anything more than that in his life, a place and culture he could belong to.

He cried for what felt like a very long time, just letting all of his emotions out until he was completely and utterly drained of them. In the midst of his sorrow, there was at least one good thing happening. Savage was here and he wasn't going anywhere. Despite the miseries of his life, he must have done something good along the way for this place to bring his brother back to him.]

[Savage wasn't at the point where tears flowed easily no matter the situation, but he experienced a sort of relief that Maul had hit the point in personal development to have these moments. It was a wonder after all the abuse that his brother had suffered from for so many decades, a test of Maul's resilience.

It also was an overt show of how much his death had actually affected Maul. He had been told, had seen some of the vulnerability before, but it was the first time seeing his own demise through his brother's point of view. That Maul had abandoned the fight to come to him when it had to be the most dangerous decision to make made his chest tight with emotion.

His arm wrapped around Maul to pull his brother even tighter to his chest when the tears continued to fall, lowering his head so his chin rested on the top of Maul's head.]

That was the first time you called me brother in a long time... [Once the Rule of Two became their relationship, both of them had been extremely stubborn about their wording for each other. Maul only called him Apprentice, once or twice Savage, but he was just as stubborn sticking to calling Maul brother to reinforce that that was far more important to him.]

[Maul let himself just cry. He'd always been told such emotions would be used against him if he showed them and his master had made sure he was punished anytime he showed them. But after this long he'd finally broken away that type of thinking and was able to give into his grief. He let himself be vulnerable, allowing himself to rely on Savage, who was solid and steady as a rock as he held Maul there. His voice was watery and soft as he managed to speak, still full of the tears which flowed forth from his golden eyes.]

That is because I realized what I had just lost.

[Not an apprentice, as Maul had insisted on calling Savage in hopes of gaining some distance between the two of them, but just his brother who he had loved despite trying hard not to. It was only in losing him that he'd finally realized what Savage truly meant to him.]

[To have provoked such a response in his brother and that it kept going well beyond the surprise of it showed him how much his death had affected Maul. Maybe it shouldn't have been surprising with how close they had become over the course of their journey and especially here in Deerington and by extension Trench. While his death had clearly meant nothing to his brother's Master, he could now see the isolation that it forced upon his brother. When Talzin died as well, all the roots of blood had been ripped out.]

We had been through a lot by that point, survived so much compared to what anyone likely expected. Your Master was terrifyingly powerful.

[He could admit that to Maul. He wasn't afraid to go into a fight ever, but it had been a terrifying fight as soon as it began. Still, the adrenaline and emotion was something he could use back then... not that it availed him much. He still failed himself and his brother.]

I didn’t think we could defeat him but I knew we had to try.

[He had faint hope when his master had arrived that between the two of them they could at least last long enough to get Sidious to a draw. But as soon as the battle began, that hope had been dashed. Sidious out-classed him and Savage with as large a divide as the one between the two of them and the Mandalorians.]

After he killed you, I thought at least he would kill me too, allow us to be reunited. But he’s always been sadistically cruel.

[To leave Maul alive had been far worse than simply ending his life would have been. His hearts had been broken, and for a period of time, his spirit nearly so. But he wouldn’t give in no matter what Sidious did. He had no leverage against his former apprentice without Savage alive, making Maul stubborn enough to not let Sidious have his own way yet again, denying him one of the things he wanted.]

He came to make you suffer, and he clearly enjoyed it.

[Between the two of them, they had stood up against Sidious, but he had always been given the sense that Maul's Master had been playing with them. A shame he hadn't gored the Sith with his horns instead of just knocking him back.]

You were more useful to him alive. I was the spare, a tool to make you hurt until he could get to Mother Talzin.

[At least, that's how he had seemed to him after the telling that Maul had given him about what had happened after he had died.]

[He clutched Savage tightly to him again, unwilling to let his brother out of his sight for a moment right now. He needed his brother there to keep him from spiraling into despair and agony. Everything hurt right now in his mind and it was only the knowledge Savage was safe and secure right there that kept him from breaking down entirely again the way he had in the wake of his brother's death.]

Others have seen you as such but you've never been just a spare to me, to be used and discarded. You're irreplaceable to me, brother.

[He felt that needed to be said. Usagi had asked him once if he'd ever told Savage that he loved him. While Maul usually wasn't so blunt with his words, he'd showed his brother a hundred times over that he was the most important person in Maul's life.]

[He didn't resist the tight hold, and it was unfortunate that his brother was suffering in such a way. It also felt good as it meant that Maul was protective of him, something that he found that he enjoyed even in these tough situations. It eased the internal fright of dying again, even if he consciously knew that he would just come right back within a few days.]

I know. You and Feral were the only ones to see me as more.

[His arms tightened around Maul in a similar physical response. He knew that Maul cared for him without the need for words; often so much of their communication was non-verbal and it was moments like these that reinforced the deep bond that they had developed as brothers.]

[Maul's feelings towards his mother would forever be complicated. He loved her, it was true, but he also knew she had been a deeply-flawed woman. She'd made so many mistakes or choices in her life which had directly affected her sons and their own lives. One of them was her treatment of Savage, how he was little more to her than a means to an end, someone to be used or discarded as she so chose. That, of course, was the way of the Nightsisters but the stark difference between how she'd viewed Maul and her middle child were very clear.]

I know I don't tell you this enough brother but.....I love you dearly.

[Nothing but this raw state, finally forced to face his grief head-on, could have caused Maul to finally say those words. Some distant part of his mind knew Usagi would be very proud of him for finally being able to say that out loud.]

[He hugged Maul to him even more tightly if that was at all possible, refusing to let go the most important person in his life. His brothers would always be a massive part of how he lived his life, and he appreciated Maul's loyalty to him in return. It felt good, better than it had any right to, especially knowing that Maul would defend him as he would defend his brother.

Yet, his arms and shoulders gave a little jerk at the verbal expression of love, and he made a surprised noise in his throat. He had never expected to hear those words in his lifetime, and he never cared much about them until they fell from Maul's lips. What a surprise.]

Brother... I love you too, my brother.

[Only Maul saying it could jar such words in return out of him. After all, care and affection came as a physical manifestation for them, so he knew Maul cared for him long before such words were uttered. Still, it felt... good? Yes, definitely good in its own way.]

[Saying those words finally dislodged something that had been stuck in Maul's hearts for a long time now. It had felt for years like his hearts were being squeezed tight, constricted by grief, guilt, and loss. For the first time, he finally felt like he'd taken the first step in the process of healing from the trauma that had resulted from losing his family.

He'd had so many regrets after Savage had died, not telling him all that he should have. Now he finally had that chance. Being able to finally get past his own emotionally stunted nature and tell his little brother he loved him felt good. Despite the mourning process he'd just gone through, he now felt a weight lifted off his shoulders that had been weighing him down for years.

He audibly sniffled for one last moment, savoring the words as Savage said them back. He'd known, of course, for a long time that his brother loved him. But there really was a difference between knowing something implicitly and having it said out loud.]

Having my memories put on display like this was hard. But.....I think I can finally begin to move on from being stuck in that moment.

[Maul's grief had been in a complicated form, keeping him frozen in time and unable to begin the process to move past it. No longer.]

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Accidental Video; un: darkness

Voice; un: ...

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