deernet | video; un: taka [ memory share ]

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video; un: taka [ memory share ]

[ happier memory ]
[ It starts off with a stupid looking twelve year old blond kid in an orange jump suit turning towards a twelve year old Sasuke and Sakura, his eyes narrowed mischievously. ]

Hey... Don't you wanna see it? It's about time...

What?

You know what I'm talking about! Kakashi-sensei's... real face!

[ Naruto had gotten right up into Sakura's face, and she gasps, punching him on reflex. ]

What's the matter with you?!

[ Sasuke turns away from them both, rolling his eyes. ]

This is stupid. Count me out.

Yeah, you're probably right...

What if he has lips like a blimp?

[ Sasuke freezes in his foot steps. He pictures their sensei, his mask covered face, his hand lifting to pull it down and revealing a huge, bulging set of red lips. It's...disgustingly hilarious. ]

Or maybe... buck teeth!

[ The image of Kakashi with big lips is replaced by one with insanely large teeth, the kind of exaggeration only children can make in their imaginations. It is... possibly the stupidest thing that could break his resolve, and yet...

Sasuke turns back around, folding his arms over his chest. He's reluctantly agreeing and the three start to hash out their plan. The memory unfolds to show them trying to repeatedly get Kakashi to reveal his face in some way; they treat him to ramen, the three of them watching intensely, only to have their friends block their view and Kakashi's mask is pulled back up before they can get them to move. They try to serve them tea, but Naruto spills it and Kakashi blocks it by yanking up a table with all the snacks on it, ruining any chance that he'll have to remove his mask to eat. Sasuke and Naruto sneak into a bath house, figuring he has to take off his mask in there, but Kakashi emerges with a towel covering his face where the mask should be. They even pose as rogue ninja to try and attack him and pull his mask down in a fight, but Kakashi overpowers them easily.

And, strangely enough, they end up revealing actual ninja who were there to hurt Kakashi, foiling their plan by being idiots but making it look like they saw right through the ninjas well-thought out plan.

It's not until they're all in front of him for another mission that they finally do something smart: they ask. ]

You want to know what's behind my mask?

Will you show us?

Sure, I don't mind.

[ The three of them are at full attention, each anxiously staring as Kakashi lifts his hand to pull his mask down. It feels agonizingly slow, each kid picturing what's going to come next, before he finally reveals... ]

It's another mask! Pretty cool, huh?

[ The three of them collapse on the ground and thank God this memory finally comes to an end. ]

[ worst memory]
[ CWs: mass murder, parent death, mental torture, ptsd, violence ]

[ The memory cuts in as a seven year old Sasuke wakes in a room that's sterile and white, a curtain pulled around his bed. The hospital. He pulls himself up, not entirely sure what's going on at first. Walking into the halls, he can hear the nurses gossip, reminding him of the very thing he's in here for. ]

That boy was the only one who survived the massacre.

Someone said he has an older brother. Is that right?

He does, but no one knows where he is right now.

I can't believe it. That the elite Uchiha clan could just be...

[ Sasuke bolts from the hospital hall before the conversation can finish, running through the streets of Konoha until he reaches the entrance to the part of town where his clan had been banished too. There's police tape across the gate, tape he stares at, but ignores as he finally ducks underneath, just wanting to go home.

There's a moment where he thinks he sees his Aunt and Uncle greeting him, their hands raised to wave him back after a long day at school. But the image goes static, blurs, before disappearing entirely. In its place is just blood soaked gravel and dirt. Sasuke feels like he's been kicked in the stomach, and as if to emphasize the mood, it starts to rain.

He walks through the still blood soaked streets towards his home, memories flooding his head as he goes.

Good morning, Sasuke! Heading off to school now, are you? I saw your brother earlier. He's grown into such a man. He's an excellent shinobi, isn't he? ... That boy is the pride of the Uchiha clan, no doubt about it.

Sasuke stops and stares at his family crest painted on the wall, cracked and broken from where a kunai had been thrown into the rock. It's the crest just outside his own house. He pushes open the sliding door, staring at his empty house like he doesn't quite get why it's so dark. He walks inside, and an image of his mother invades his head.

Sasuke-kun, welcome home.

He takes his shoes off out of habit before walking through the rest of the home. He thinks he sees his father, but he vanishes like a ghost, just like the others. There's a bang from the kitchen and Sasuke bolts for it, his heart filled with hope. ]

Mom?!

[ His heart sinks when he sees it's just a cat eating the scraps. He leaves the room without another word, heading to the main room. There's still blood sprayed across the floor, the chalk outline of his parents bodies on the ground. He sinks to his knees beside them, the image of their bloodied corpses stuck in his head, and his brother, Itachi, standing over them.

Foolish little brother... There's a memory of himself in an illusion, standing in the same streets he just walked down, watching as his brother kills their clan, as the bodies fall in front of him, and he screams, begging for it to end.

The memory fades and Sasuke's still sitting in the same, empty room, kneeling in the dried blood stains, staring at them with empty eyes. His brother's voice echoes in his head once more.

At present, you are not worth killing. ... If you want to kill me, despise me, hate me, and live a loathsome life... Run away.

He feels tears stinging his eyes, before they start to come in waves, and he finally lets himself cry. ]

. . .

[ Sasuke should say something, right? Acknowledge that this just got blasted everywhere?

But instead he sighs in irritation and goes to toss his Omni into the ocean. It'll come back. But it at least made him feel better for now. ]

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[ Sasuke does indeed remember that day, though it seems to do nothing to clear up his confusion. His forehead just wrinkles further as he stares at her, trying to figure out if he'd missed a moment there.

But all he recalls is the conversation about Naruto and how quickly it had soured. ]

... Why on Earth would I have kissed you then?

[ She looks embarrassed, again, disappointed in herself for ruining it all. ]

Well...obviously not then. But it was just before then, we'd been talking on the bench. You leaned in like you would have kissed me. Then you suddenly pulled away and ran off. When you came back, I tried to continue our conversation, but I put my foot in my mouth in a big way, obviously.

[ Okay, he's pretty certain he would absolutely remember that. ]

That conversation about Naruto was the first time I talked to you after the teams were picked.

[ She looks puzzled, and embarrassed. For a few long moments she tries to put her memories into place. ]

I know, that was what we were talking about before you ran off. You know, maybe it was me who leaned in to kiss you now that I think about it. But you ran off before we could kiss and told me you'd be right back. When you came back, you weren't quite the same...and I went to far. I still feel embarrassed that I ever said those things about Naruto.

You don't have to be embarrassed, I know you were fairly sheltered as a child.

[ But had he really forgotten that much of their conversation? Could he really have run off and forgotten completely about it? He looks away from her as he tries to place it, tries to figure out an explanation to such wildly different events... ]

I never sat with you on the bench. I only remember coming back, you acting stranger than usual and... Then what you said.

[ There's a beat before he decides to offer: ] If you're willing, you can show it to me.

[ She hadn't wanted to bring up the details with him ever. It had been hard enough to bring it up when she'd been begging him to stay behind in the village. She'd needed them to acknowledge that he found her annoying, but she hadn't ever spoken to him about the events of that day. It had been easy enough, especially as she'd grown to just feel like she was responsible for the whole thing.

She knew she'd come around since then, but it was still not a shining example of her character, even back then. But those were reasons she'd made the decision to grow. She simply wasn't that little girl anymore. ]

Oh I probably worked it all up in my head, I was prone to silly romantic fantasies like that.

[ But she might as well show him the memory if he wanted to see it. ]

But, go ahead if you'd like.

[ Sasuke nods at her permission. While he knew she could certainly be right about overthinking it, he still wanted to know for certain. He pushes his hair away from his left eye before he reaches his hand up to cradle her face again, shifting so that he can look more easily into her eyes. ]

It might be a little disorienting after. But it shouldn't be so bad with just one memory.

[ The real discomfort came when he sorted through someone's entire mind, he was fairly sure. It was why he mostly reserved it for people who were already unconscious or dead.

Using the rinnegan, he's sure to look for the one memory and doesn't let himself touch on others. It takes him a moment, but he's finally sure he has the right one, and he watches from Sakura's point of view as he does approach her, with a cheesy line she'd just said in her own head, one he's sure would never have left his lips in a million years back then, and certainly wouldn't be phrased the same way if he even tried to say it now. He feels his heart racing alongside hers as she leans in, watches himself not pull away right away, and then... Runs. Just like she said.

He pulls out of the memory after, rubbing his temples and ignoring the way his face is flushed with embarrassment, not because of his own, but because of experiencing hers first hand. How could that possibly have been him...? ]

I—

[ Except he remembers, then. He had run into Naruto just before hand. After he'd... tied him up. Sasuke groans, shaking his head. ]

That wasn't me, Sakura.

[ It is a little disorienting, and she feels somewhat vulnerable knowing that he has access to so much of her memories and experiences. Many of her memories involving him carry some kind of pain and she doesn't want to add to his guilt by letting him experience just how much he's hurt her. Of course, she feels perfectly safe giving him access because she knows he'd never abuse the power.

Her hand tightens in the blanket over the mattress to reground herself when it's done. She looks up at him curious, trying to piece that together. ]

Not...you?

[ He nods, looking away from her, somehow feeling a twinge of guilt that she'd spent all this time thinking he'd just blown her off in the middle of such an intense moment. He would have, of course, but not like that, and he never would have made her think there was a chance in the first place for something romantic when they'd only just become teammates.

He knows it's not realistically his fault, but try telling that to his overactive conscience. ]

Earlier that day, Naruto had broken into a room I was in and tied me up. He used a copy jutsu, but I never understood why he'd wanted to pretend to be me. When I ran into him later, he was rushing to the bathroom because of an upset stomach. He wouldn't tell me what he'd been up to, he just wanted to fight more.

[ The pieces slowly start to fall into place and she's not sure whether to laugh, cry, or rage about the whole thing. Still one thing is for sure...and her eye twitches a little at the thought. ]

...If Naruto were here, I would punch him hard. Very very hard.

[ She lets the anger ebb, taking a deep breath, she lets the humor of it settle on her. ]

You know, come to think of it, you'd never say those things. I didn't know you as well back then, but I'd never fall for it now.

Mmm... He's always been a shitty actor.

[ Sasuke's glad she at least lets the anger of it go. Much as he think she might have liked to see Naruto get punched for that kind of prank. It's not something he ever would have wanted him to toy around with, even back then. Feelings weren't the sort of thing he liked to mess around with. ]

I'm sorry he did that.

And he's certainly your polar opposite. I told him once, when he was trying to sort out his feelings for Hinata, that his feelings for me had always been because I liked you and he wanted to one up you. He didn't like me for me, he liked me because I liked you.

[ She lets out a sigh. Men could be so difficult. People liked to act like women were the complicated, petty ones, but in her experience men were the ones who complicated love. The girls she knew had always been pretty straight forward in the pursuit of their affections. ]

It's fine...

[ Looking at him, she seems to be trying to figure something out. ]

It wasn't any less meaningful. [ She seems to be convincing herself of that, since she'd always thought about it in some kind of combination, feeling sure she'd just pushed Sasuke too far. ] It was still the first time we...connected in any way. You certainly changed me in that moment, led me to being a better person. That...wasn't Naruto.

[ He liked me because I liked you. Sasuke had clearly never figured that out for himself. He had always assumed Naruto's feelings for her were genuine and had wondered how it was that they had never fallen in love with one another while he had been away. He had been sure that she would see him for what a good man he was and forget all about her feelings for an internationally wanted terrorist.

But she hadn't. She had always been able to tell when people are genuine and when they weren't, even when they weren't aware of it themselves. It was why she'd always been so good at saying how things were, calling him out on how he really felt versus how he wanted to portray his emotions.

There's a twitch of a smile when she says that the moment wasn't less impacting now taht she knew the truth. He doesn't know if it's completely true, but he's glad that she sees his snapping at her as the formative part of the day, rather than Naruto's fawning at her with his face. ]

Changed, huh? [ He reaches up, going to tap her forehead. ] Funny, 'cause you're still annoying.

[ Him calling her out had always been the thing she'd really taken away from that interaction. How could she not? He'd been right. She had been cruel and she had needed to change. It had not only changed her relationship with Sasuke, but given her room to let Naruto in too.

Her eyes widen as he taps her forehead. Her cheeks flush and she brings her hand up to where he'd touched her. ]

After all this time, I think you might like me being annoying.

[ There's a quiet smirk on his face at the observation. Maybe at the time he'd first said it, he'd truly meant it. He hadn't just found her annoying, she'd downright enraged him. But he had seen quickly the truly good heart she had and the ignorance that came from being sheltered. He'd watched her grow— watched her blossom, as it were, and the annoyance had changed to respect to caring and eventually to love. ]

Interesting theory.

[ There's a pause before he leans in and presses a kiss against her lips this time. ]

You might be on to something.

[ She'd had no doubt he'd meant it. She'd always been relatively good at reading people and she'd known that she'd messed up with him big time. She was pretty sure he'd been kinder to her than he could have been, but those words had been more than enough to cut straight through her.

Thankfully, he'd seemed to warm up to her over the days, weeks, and months that had followed.

The kiss helps to soothe the memory, she wasn't sure which part of it stung more, but she's grateful they'd come a long way since the first time he'd called her annoying.

She kisses him back tenderly. ]

You know, you call me annoying and yet each time you say it, it seems to mean something else.

[ Sakura was annoying in the same way that Sasuke called Naruto useless. they were things that he had first noted, but assumptions both had outgrown long ago. Kakashi had pointed out to him on more than one occasion that it was his way of showing affection and he's starting to realize that maybe he was right.

So he gives a small chuckle, shrugging. ]

Have you figured out what that is?

[ She likes it when he laughs, and he seems so relaxed now that she feels her own body relax. ]

I know it's a term of endearment now. Something that sort of stuck.

[ She reaches out for his hand, mindlessly playing with his fingers. ]

I often wondered what you'd meant by it the other times though. Like when you left the village, and before you...fought Naruto. I guess I wondered what was on your mind in those moments.

[ What he'd meant back then... Sasuke looks away from her, partly in an attempt to recall so far back, and partly out of shame in knowing just how much he's sure those words had hurt her at least one of those times. There had been so much on his mind and little of it was ever good in those days. ]

I... don't know that I can put it into the right words.

[ Saying what he means, articulating his feelings, he knows it's never been a strong suit of his, and he doubts it'll suddenly change now. There's another pause, before he sighs, and gives it an effort. ]

When I left the village... I guess I hoped it would help you to know that I really did remember. That I'd been lying when I said I couldn't recall our conversation that you held so important. Even though I couldn't take you with me, I didn't want you to think that I didn't care.

[ Because he had. And deeply at that. He had loved her at that point, he's pretty sure, even though he wouldn't have known how to recognize it or express it.

Before the final battle, though... That's a lot harder to think about. He knows how it looked, with the genjutsu he put her in seconds after. ]

The next time... I guess I knew you'd latch on to the meaning those words had held to you before. I wanted to catch you off guard so that I could knock you out, because I knew it was... It was the only way to protect you. I know it must look contradictory, but I knew you would be able to break my jutsu if I didn't surprise you with it, and it was the easiest means to. If you were awake... You'd have come after us. You'd get between us. You would've been killed. And I couldn't stand the thought of it.

[ That was more than she'd been expecting, much more. In fact, she's not sure she's ever heard him say so much in explanation before. He was quiet with most people, conversations weren't his strong suit. Yet here he was, saying exactly what he meant and she could understand what he was saying perfectly.

She nods, thinking about his explanation and figuring that he was probably right. She'd had every intention of getting between them. ]

I guess you know me pretty well too, hmm?

I never thought of it as being protective, but it makes sense. I would have gotten in the middle and I'm strong in a different way, not like you and Naruto. Even if just by accident, I would have made myself a casualty of your battle in my desperation to stop you.

[ She hated everything about that moment, still recalling the jutsu and the fear she'd felt for them after, acutely. ]

You're both damn lucky I managed to reach you in time despite it though.

Mm.

[ He'd been so sure she would die before she'd ever let them fight the way they'd needed to. He could only imagine the lecture they would've gotten if she'd shown up when they'd been half-dead and still punching each other. The fact that they'd been dying had almost been a blessing if only to distract her enough from screaming at them for being idiots instead of just sobbing over it.

No matter the intention, he knew he'd also been aiming to hurt her. He couldn't deny that and hated to think of it. ]

... The Second Hokage had just told me earlier that day about the Curse of Hatred. About how love was the root of the anger and destruction in the Uchiha. I suppose I'd be lying if I said I hadn't hoped my attacking you would make you stop loving me so much.

[ But the dedication she'd shown the moment she'd found him, the refusal to focus on Naruto only and stop trying to save him...

Sasuke leaned forward, his head going to press against Sakura's shoulder, the way he often did when seeking comfort from here these days. ]

I'm sorry. It was cruel, no matter the intent.

[ So she was right. There was a tie in to his love being so closely connected to his hatred. She'd hit the nail on the head on that one.

It had been cruel, and it had hurt. It had felt like being stabbed in the chest even before he'd put her under the jutsu, but it had distracted her and left her vulnerable. He'd made the right decision based on that. ]

That makes sense. I'd been so hopeful, having you fight with us. Your declarations afterwards caught me off guard, especially considering that moment we shared when I found you in that alternate world. The way you looked at me when you caught me.

[ As he leans into her for comfort, she brings her hand to rest at the back of his neck and trails her fingers lightly through his hair. ]

Either way, none of your attempts ever really made me stop loving you. I always knew you were just so lost. You could be cruel, yes, but your cruelty has only ever come from desperation. The more desperate you were, the more cruel you were. I understood I might never get you back, but the least I could give you was my love and understanding.

[ She leans her head into his. ]

Much as I might have understood, I still wanted to give both of you a good ass kicking when I found you like that.

I'm surprised you didn't.

[ The words are mumbled against her shirt. They would've deserved it, even with the state they were in. Neither of them had probably deserved her aid after everything, but especially not him. The love speeches certainly had made an impact, but that one act had been enough for him to finally truly understand what she'd meant by them.

His arm goes to wrap around her middle and he uses the leverage to pull himself closer to her. He's found the warmth of her body has become like a life line to him in this place, the one thing that seems to keep the corruption from fully taking hold.

He guesses he gets now why he should have realized that happiness was the cure to it all. He really could be so dense sometimes. ]

I don't know how I can ever repay you for never giving up on your love for me.

[ Sakura is pretty sure that there is no joy that she has ever experienced that has been equal to being wrapped up in his arms.

She could remember the moments back when they were on team seven and he'd been under such great physical or mental stress that he'd cling to her. She had often recalled fondly how he'd laid his head on her lap on one of their missions after she'd healed him. She'd longed to hold him again the entire time she was gone.

She'd longed for so long to hold him and comfort him again, that being able to do so now was repayment enough. ]

Don't you see? You already have. You came back.

[ Sasuke's not sure he could ever see that as equal to the forgiveness she'd shown him. How was coming back able to heal all his wrongs against her? The cruel things he'd said, the times he'd tried to kill her, the pain he'd caused her over the years. She'd had every right to stop loving him a thousand times over and just coming back felt weak in comparison to the strength that she'd shown their entire relationship.

He doesn't know how to say that out loud, though. Not in a way that sounds like anything but self-pity. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly, feeling his breath pushing back against her skin with how close he's kept himself against her. ]

It's hard to see it that way. But I'll trust you mean it.

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