Video; Possible Bar Action; ....... lots of images under cut

[kingoftherats]

[The feed opens for a moment to Charlie, sporting a black eye and a scabbed lip (thank you Dean Winchester), but he doesn't seem to mind that; instead he's eagerly sitting in his bar, which is open to the public (sorry everyone), and it appears to have quite an assortment of questionable criminal-like men and old tired sailors.]

Hey, dudes! It's Charlie here, and I got a video I was gonna play for you — like, it's just a cool thing I put together for the pub now that it's open, but also because I'm gonna have a big sale there with all the crazy stuff I found around town this weekend, so — yeah, check it out! I think it came out pretty great!

And just as a tip: don't linger in the alleyway outside of the bar. People get stabbed there a lot.

[... A clumsily recorded video abruptly plays, full of weird cuts and zooms and-...]





























[When it cuts back to Charlie, he seems really proud of himself and awaits your adoration.

If anyone is so bold as to show up at this yard sale being held at Paddy's Pub's outdoor area... they may very well find some unique and unusual trinkets he had taken from the sewers... or just useless and/or gross things. There are absolutely diamonds in the rough here. May the odds ever be in your favor, because for every rock or sock or fork, there's a magical gem or rare ingredient to a spell.

Who knows what you'll find!

... And yes, the pub is likewise open for business, if you need moonshine to get you through the day.

He doesn't bother carding anyone here, for the record. He ain't your dad.]

Comments

Video; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

You never do change, you strange little man.

[He's not entirely sure if that's a good thing or not but at least it makes Charlie's behavior consistently bizarre.]

Video;

[kingoftherats]

... I change my clothes way more than I used to?

People kept getting on my ass about it, so.

[survivalthroughhate]

That's not what--

[You know, he's not even going to bother today. He just doesn't have the mental energy.]

--Well, good job. One should always practice good hygiene.

[kingoftherats]

Whoaaaa, hey nooow. Did you just say something kinda nice? That's new.

Also, good job on remembering how to talk n' shit. I wasn't sure if you'd just glare at people to talk to them from now on.

[survivalthroughhate]

Don't get used to it. I'm sure you'll do something to enrage me sooner rather than later.

[Aaaaand there we go. Maul does indeed glare at him.]

That only happened because I didn't know how to talk right after transforming from being a squid! It happened to other people too!

[kingoftherats]

... Man, you gotta stop glaring so much. You know that makes a shitload of wrinkles, right?

I guess when you were a squid, you didn't have to worry about that, but that's in your squid past.

[survivalthroughhate]

Don't you worry your idiot head about that. I'll remain young and handsome-looking forever.

I'm still surprised you didn't accidentally turn on my lightsaber and stab yourself with it.

[He sounds almost a little disappointed about that possibility not occurring.]

[kingoftherats]

[s n o r t]

Whatever, man.

I should get more credit than that! It's not that hard to play with a lightsaber-thingy. You just push the button and do some cool twirls.

[survivalthroughhate]

[Why do so many people here seem to think using a lightsaber is a piece of cake??? Maul really needs to inform them otherwise.]

And that attitude right there is how people end up cutting their own hands off when they're not properly trained to use it.

[kingoftherats]

Yeah, but people around here can do shit like put your hand back on, I'm sure.

Aren't you, like, only half squishy? Did that happen from training with a lightsaber, or what?

You seem to be doing pretty okay.

[survivalthroughhate]

Perhaps. But you shouldn't count on that to save you.

[Someone like Usagi might be able to regrow a hand though he wasn't sure on that.]

No. [He says frostily.] That happened in combat. Someone tried to kill me and thought cutting me in half would do it.

[kingoftherats]

Sure, but I seem to get saved just fine anyway.

Everybody else, like, dies way too much. They need to cut that shit out.

...

So, you got a metal dick, or what?

[survivalthroughhate]

This is true. You seem to have been born under a lucky star.

[The Force was said to watch over idiots and little children. With Charlie being a little of both, it's small wonder he's been able to survive this long.]

Oh yes. I'm sure everyone here just loves to die as many times as they can. It's just a bad habit they need to break, clearly not an effect of living in hell.

[..........Well, that's it. Tolerating Charlie on a trial basis had been a good run but it is now OVER.]

You had best run far and fast, little man. Because I'm greatly considering the merits of hunting you down once more and gutting you!

[kingoftherats]

It was a genuine question!

I'm sorry if you're, like, crazy shy about it, but I think it would be cool to have a metal dick!

[survivalthroughhate]

THAT IS PERSONAL!

[He roars out at top volume. Charlie is just digging himself further and further into a hole.]

AND I AM GOING TO CHOP OFF YOURS IF YOU KEEP TALKING!

[kingoftherats]

[Ah. Hmmm.

He sits there, quietly, staring.

Not talking.

Just staring.]

[survivalthroughhate]

[He pauses, fuming as he waits for Charlie to say something else stupid he can use to fuel his rage. When nothing comes, he stares at him with narrowed eyes.]

What? Nothing else to say? [Has the rat man finally gained some modicum of common sense? Shocking.] Good.

[kingoftherats]

... You said you were gonna chop off my dick if I kept talking.

So...

[survivalthroughhate]

I'm just surprised you've gained anything in the way of wisdom whatsoever.

[He gives a slow nod of approval. It appears this is one of those days where Maul's moods switch on a dime, this time from abject fury into a sort of pleased state of being.]

Well done.

[kingoftherats]

I just really like being able to piss standing, man. I don't want that taken from me, it's super convenient.

... But thanks. I think. Yeah, totally, lots of wisdom up here.

[He taps a finger to his temple, in case you needed a visual too buddy.]

[survivalthroughhate]

I'm sure you'll lose it all through drinking or too many objects falling on your skull soon enough.

[kingoftherats]

You wanna bet, bro? My skull's practically imperetable.

[That's not a typo, that's literally just what he's said.

Yes, it's not a word.]

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul hears that and smiles, an expression that looks very disconcerting and is definitely meant to be as such.]

........Challenge accepted.

[Oh dear. Charlie might want to look up and check for falling objects coming from the sky for the next few weeks or so until Maul grows bored with this experiment.]

[kingoftherats]

... Waitwaitwait! That doesn't mean dropping shit on my head!

You better not be trying to drop bricks n' shit on my head!

[survivalthroughhate]

Too late. After all, I have been needing a hobby.

[That smile just grows wider.]