Video; Possible Bar Action; ....... lots of images under cut

[kingoftherats]

[The feed opens for a moment to Charlie, sporting a black eye and a scabbed lip (thank you Dean Winchester), but he doesn't seem to mind that; instead he's eagerly sitting in his bar, which is open to the public (sorry everyone), and it appears to have quite an assortment of questionable criminal-like men and old tired sailors.]

Hey, dudes! It's Charlie here, and I got a video I was gonna play for you — like, it's just a cool thing I put together for the pub now that it's open, but also because I'm gonna have a big sale there with all the crazy stuff I found around town this weekend, so — yeah, check it out! I think it came out pretty great!

And just as a tip: don't linger in the alleyway outside of the bar. People get stabbed there a lot.

[... A clumsily recorded video abruptly plays, full of weird cuts and zooms and-...]





























[When it cuts back to Charlie, he seems really proud of himself and awaits your adoration.

If anyone is so bold as to show up at this yard sale being held at Paddy's Pub's outdoor area... they may very well find some unique and unusual trinkets he had taken from the sewers... or just useless and/or gross things. There are absolutely diamonds in the rough here. May the odds ever be in your favor, because for every rock or sock or fork, there's a magical gem or rare ingredient to a spell.

Who knows what you'll find!

... And yes, the pub is likewise open for business, if you need moonshine to get you through the day.

He doesn't bother carding anyone here, for the record. He ain't your dad.]

Comments

video | un: P.G.

[possessum]

( Hey — it's that guy! That creepy guy who was filming him! And he zoomed right into his face, apparently!

Well, there's no sense hiding said face from this creepy man now that he's already seen it. Peter reluctantly turns on his video feed so he can.... get mad! (He's not actually mad; he just still looks kind of terrified.) )

You— you showed the whole world my mole!

( Peter, it's not as if it's hidden.... and sorry, but your mole is honestly a much more interesting interviewee than you are. )

video.

[kingoftherats]

[Wow, he's not creepy! You're creepy! You and your weird staring and your big dumb horror-doe eyes.]

Dude, it's right there on your face.

People just gotta look at you any time, any place!

[Hey, did that rhyme? Cool.]

video | un: quibbler

[creidim]

[ Oh—! It's that man—! The one who ran up to her and asked her about beer, for... some reason. So... this is what this was all about—? Opening a pub—?

Luna still has a very important question, though: ]

So... do you actually have Butterbeer—?

video

[kingoftherats]

Uh... Sure! Yeah! I mean, I think I can make that for you, if you want.

I'm pretty good at mixing drinks! Way better than Frank or Mac, for sure.

[Luna, god, don't do it, it'll be melted butter poured into beer, don't do it-]

text; un: doublehedgedsword

[laminae]

so it's just a regular sale? no yards involved?
you got any cool junk you're selling?

voice;

[kingoftherats]

[Thank you, text-to-voice, you're a pal.

He puffs his chest up a bit. Why? Who even knows. Dominance over yard sales?]

Of course! I got baskets full of cool junk! You won't even know where to begin, bro.

video; un: trashmouth

[measuringdicks]

[Richie, who is running around with one ear to his name, snaps his fingers.]

Oh! You meant beer. Jesus, why the hell didn't you say so?

video;

[kingoftherats]

[Thank god he says something about beer; he can't tell you or the other annoying one apart.]

I did say so! You're the one who got your ear eaten off by crabs, or whatever!

... Is that how it happened for you? That's how mine happened.

[He pushes back a wayward tuft of hair, not that it blocks much; the top of his ear has an absurdly cartoonish full-moon bitten out of it, like an animated rat.]

un: trienemybest; video

[droptheious]

I'm gonna install baby locks on my lab in the vain hope this stops you from getting in there again and probably getting yourself killed.

[Though, admittedly, the background of the pub looks like the exact same level of sketchy as the Snuggly Duckling does and Varian feels a tiny pang of homesickness. A pub isn't a pub unless you have at least two probable murderers sitting in there having a drink with the constant threat of maybe being stabbed on your way out. Home sweet home. ]

...Do you have actual beer or is this like...toilet water you're calling beer?

video

[kingoftherats]

Oookay. Whatever! Baby locks are gonna be a hundred times easier to bust than adult locks. Wise up, dude.

[He plants his hands on his hips.]

You making fun of me just because I was the head janitor? Of course there's no toilet water for beer!

...

....

...

Might be beer for toilet water in one of the toilets, though.

Just until I can get the water to rise in it again.

video; un: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

Wow. [Look at that: Charlie is real. Kyle sort of thought he'd been a squid-induced fever dream. And apparently he is just like... that all the time.

Going to this guy's pub or his pub's yard sale is, clearly, a terrible idea. A terrible idea that Kyle is totally going to act on anyway, because he grew up with more or less this level of crazy.]

Dude, you got any mugs? And how bad is the beer?

video;

[kingoftherats]

Hey! Ginger guy!

[He sounds almost excited, like he remembered the guy's name, and his name is Ginger Guy.]

What's up! Yeah, of course I got mugs. It's not Pabst, so that's probably a good enough scale for you, right? Like, it's not gonna win any awards, but you pooped a shitload in the ocean as a squid at some point, so just take what you get.

video;

[wiseass]

Why are you selling a bunch of useless shit anyway? What's your end game?

Re: video;

[kingoftherats]

Firstly, I'm bartering. It's what we do now. It's our way of life.

And then nextly — why's it useless? You don't know it's useless 'til you look for yourself!

text - UN: IceCream

[threelayers]

You really are a strange little man, you know that?
Not too interested in any junk that you might be selling.
But I'll drink a pint as long as it's not poison.

voice.

[kingoftherats]

[Hello text-to-voice, my old friend.]

Why would it be poison? Come on, we're a classier establishment than that.

If you want something kinda poisonous, that's ask-only.

[Video][UN:A_Wesker013]

[subject_013]

[Hey, its the post-apocalyptic science dude, though he looks a lot more dapper-gothic in the vest and collared blue shirt look, his sleeves rolled to his elbows as he putters in a laboratory straight out of a black and white monster movie.]

That's certainly some attention-getting advertising. [Drily amused.]

Once I get a moment, I'll come down to see what you've scared up. One never knows what treasures can turn up in a sewer.

[Video]

[kingoftherats]

See! None of these other people have vision, bro.

There's so many interesting bric-r-bracs down there; I sold a box of human teeth to the alleyway dentist here the other day.

Video; un: darkness

[survivalthroughhate]

You never do change, you strange little man.

[He's not entirely sure if that's a good thing or not but at least it makes Charlie's behavior consistently bizarre.]

Video;

[kingoftherats]

... I change my clothes way more than I used to?

People kept getting on my ass about it, so.

text: un: thot

[munchie]

Two questions

1. Do you card

2. How many sleazy people are going to be there

voice

[kingoftherats]

We carded in Philly, but I'm pretty sure nobody gives a shit here, so nah. I'm not.

Besides, I drank since forever. Carding doesn't do shit.

And by sleazy, do you mean creepy looking dudes with eyepatches and knives? There's a ton of those. This is a very high-bar establishment, though, the sleaze is, like, well-maintained!

[it's not]

text un; impala67

[venatoris]

dude

Voice.

[kingoftherats]

... Were you gonna type more, oooor...?

video | un: agentmothman

[zib]

You sound an awful lot like an old guidance counselor I had... did you escape from some experiment where they hit you in the head with car doors repeatedly?

video

[kingoftherats]

No, but I have been hit by cars a ton. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not, but —

Don't think I've ever been a guidance counselor... ever.

... I helped run a beauty pageant once.

Video, UN: Wesson

[family_remains]

[Sam is just. Lol. wow. Amaze.]

Look who survived. Does this mean you're moving out of our walls?

Video

[kingoftherats]

... Why would I ever do that?

[You all invited the vampire in, the vampire is not leaving, the vampire will continue to get high and crawl through your house's armpits.]

video; un: theycallmehuntress

[crossbow_killer]

Great video. Masterpiece. Next Scorsese for sure.

[Sarcasm? Definitely not sarcasm. Not at allllll.]

video;

[kingoftherats]

Really?

You think I could swing being the next Al Pacino? I love me some Al Pacino.

[he sees no sarcasm here]

video || un: wheeler

[micycle]

[MORE QUIET JUDGMENT]

Aren't you supposed to get someone to sign something before you can put them in a video?

video

[kingoftherats]

... Says who?

This is squid country. Everyone knows everything's different in squid country.

[unspoken but implied: you idiot, you stupid dummy dumbfuck, you big birdfaced bitch]

un: dragongirl

[catchatting]

Uh... you need social media help. That's not a question and I'm offering my services.

[ She flips her hair behind her shoulder and leans in a little. ]

I ran a successful social media empire back home. You need me.

[kingoftherats]

What're you talking about? I'm great at social media!

Look, I got this all done by myself, didn't I?

[FLAWLESS, BABY, NOTHING WRONG HERE!!!]