deernet | Video; Possible Bar Action; ....... lots of images under cut

[The feed opens for a moment to Charlie, sporting a black eye and a scabbed lip (thank you Dean Winchester), but he doesn't seem to mind that; instead he's eagerly sitting in his bar, which is open to the public (sorry everyone), and it appears to have quite an assortment of questionable criminal-like men and old tired sailors.]

Hey, dudes! It's Charlie here, and I got a video I was gonna play for you — like, it's just a cool thing I put together for the pub now that it's open, but also because I'm gonna have a big sale there with all the crazy stuff I found around town this weekend, so — yeah, check it out! I think it came out pretty great!

And just as a tip: don't linger in the alleyway outside of the bar. People get stabbed there a lot.

[... A clumsily recorded video abruptly plays, full of weird cuts and zooms and-...]

[When it cuts back to Charlie, he seems really proud of himself and awaits your adoration.

If anyone is so bold as to show up at this yard sale being held at Paddy's Pub's outdoor area... they may very well find some unique and unusual trinkets he had taken from the sewers... or just useless and/or gross things. There are absolutely diamonds in the rough here. May the odds ever be in your favor, because for every rock or sock or fork, there's a magical gem or rare ingredient to a spell.

Who knows what you'll find!

... And yes, the pub is likewise open for business, if you need moonshine to get you through the day.

He doesn't bother carding anyone here, for the record. He ain't your dad.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

wow cool
then i'm there
the house could use more cool decor

Sweet deal, dude. I'll keep the weird butterfly toilet seat put aside just for you, too.

...

It reminds me of you a little bit.

...

Do you even poop?

[A butterfly design on anything wouldn't be his first choice, but he appreciates the effort anyways.]

uh cool, thanks

[Thaaaat's definitely a question.]

uhhhh well plants don't poop so
no

But they barf all over the air all the time, so I guess it balances out.

... Or is oxygen more like a plant fart? I think it's kind of a plant fart.

Do you fart oxygen?

dog i can't even breathe like a human, let alone fart like one
it's less like barfing and more like
how your skin naturally flakes off
just a thing that happens

Oh, okay. Humans get really flaky, so I guess that makes sense.

If you don't breathe, how do you get... whatever plants get? Don't they eat something to shit oxygen?

i absorb air through my grass blades
and water and dirt nutrients through my roots
it isn't like eating like a normal person
no chewing involved

Why do you have teeth, if you don't chew anything?

[Good fucking question.]

cause when i first became me i thought i was someone else
and i made myself look like him
and he had teeth
so i got grass teeth now

... I guess that makes sense. Cool.

I bet you can grow those back, too. The teeth, I mean. I've had a few come out, but y'know. People usually just lose those forever.

oh yeah i

[Wait.

He can grow limbs back.

And he's currently missing several teeth, because Finn is missing them.

.............. Why hasn't he grown them back?]

uh
yeah
i probably could grow the ones i'm missing back if i wanted

Dude.

You could make killer money off this. You could totally pull all your teeth and grow 'em back, and then just sell bags of teeth! I don't know why, but people super love buying teeth around here.

they do? why?
also, they'd be grass teeth
not teeth-teeth
not sure if that makes a difference

Oof, yeah. I think grass teeth are super cheap. Cheapy teeth.

Can you plant your teeth and make more of you?

[We should anticipate these sorts of turns in the conversation.]

yuuuup

uh no idea i've never tried it before
i hope not?? who needs more mes around here

[That's an existentially horrifying though Charlie, he doesn't need more of those.]

I dunno, you seem pretty cool. Why not?

You could have a bunch of brothers and sisters, or however plants work.

[There's a voice echoing in the back of Fern's head.

It's Finn's. "It feels almost like we're real brothers, right? Or, even closer."

It takes a few minutes for Fern to type a response.]

i don't want any brothers that are like me

Uh. Okay.

Then what kinda brothers do you want?

i guess

just the ones i got here
maybe BMO and NEPTR
they're robots
and Jermaine
he's a dog

[He wants to Jake as well, but he's pretty sure Jake hates him after everything.]

B-M-O?

Man, those robots need easier names.

I dunno if a dog counts as a brother. Do they? I've never owned a dog before; my mom was terrified of 'em, she said they would eat my face if I got too close.

you pronounce is Beemo

they count when they adopted me
back in Ooo we had talking dogs
not weird not-talking ones
they were more like people

i mean your mom's not wrong dogs got some big jaws