text; un: tabris

[peripheries]

Humans talk so much about love, but how do you know what love is? And if a feel you feel is love?

The first time I felt what I thought was love, it was someone else's will. And it was sticky, heavy like my chest was constricted and I couldn't breathe, like I was choking on it.

The next time, I felt elated and weightless, like all pain and sorrow had vanished from the world and my memories. I knew eventually, I'd be hurt but... in that moment, I believed nothing could harm me, and it still cut like a knife when it happened.

Could both of those feelings be love? Or is love something else entirely? Can you hurt someone and still love them? Is being hurt by someone you care for and accepting that hurt a form of love?

How do you know if you're even capable of such feelings?

Comments

[peripheries]

That assumes choice existed in the first place. Some beings are as were made to be and nothing more. Humans have more freedom than other living things to even be able to consider loving or not loving.

[martyrofduty]

You wonder about hurting people and being hurt; if you're capable of hurt beyond the physical, you are capable of all that comes with it.

If that does not convince you—

We all became something else when we came here. Our very blood is full of choices that we can make of it.

[peripheries]

What if we were better of as what we were before? Change isn't always good. Sometimes, it's just change and nothing more.

[martyrofduty]

You cannot stop things from changing, only aim yourself in the direction you want to go.

Do you want to love? Do you love, regardless of your wishes? What will you do with your experiences, by love or any other name?

[peripheries]

I don't know. I thought... I wanted someone to have feelings for me. I don't know if that means I also want to love.

[martyrofduty]

That is wanting to be loved. Do you want the same for someone else? For a person who loves you?

[peripheries]

For them to be loved, you mean?

[martyrofduty]

Yes

[peripheries]

Of course.

[martyrofduty]

You have the base. All that remains is to choose to do it. Messily, humbly, together.