text; un: tabris

[peripheries]

Humans talk so much about love, but how do you know what love is? And if a feel you feel is love?

The first time I felt what I thought was love, it was someone else's will. And it was sticky, heavy like my chest was constricted and I couldn't breathe, like I was choking on it.

The next time, I felt elated and weightless, like all pain and sorrow had vanished from the world and my memories. I knew eventually, I'd be hurt but... in that moment, I believed nothing could harm me, and it still cut like a knife when it happened.

Could both of those feelings be love? Or is love something else entirely? Can you hurt someone and still love them? Is being hurt by someone you care for and accepting that hurt a form of love?

How do you know if you're even capable of such feelings?

Comments

[peripheries]

I'm angry that one hurt me and the other failed to understand me. I'm angry I was left behind. And I'm angry at myself for making foolish choices that led to what happened.

[slayerskiss]

I get that.

I also get that reassuring you that you didn't do anything wrong that warrants you blaming yourself would probably fall on deaf ears. You did a brave thing. I'm sorry [And it's strange, when she apologizes for this, it feels like she's responsible.] that it didn't work.

How did he hurt you?

[peripheries]

He... forced me to stop against my will. Controlled my body as though I were some sort of willess puppet or a prisoner in my own form.

Like I was nothing.

[slayerskiss]

Yeah.

I know the feeling. It's awful. Especially when they think they're doing you a favor.